There Once Was An Old Lady.........

WORD OF THE DAY:: annoy (v.) To cause slight irritation to (another), annoying, annoys

sooooooooo, i trust everyone had a lovely memorial day weekend. i decided to take a trip over to my grandmother's house since i hadn't seen her in a while. now, her house is known as "the house that jack built" because there are countless (and strange) random people always taking residence there. this has always been an issue for me-hence the reason i don't go visit often. i love my grandmother (i'm her favorite!) but i cannot stand all of the foolywangs that hang around.

so let's take into account: she is 70-something and currently allows the oldest granddaughter (my cousin) to live there, her boyfriend and her two kids, 3 & 11. cousin and boyfriend don't really like each other anymore, but he still stays there, so they have separate rooms. will the whino has been there for years. cousin man (he's new & i don't know him) just moved in from i-don't-know-where and brought his son who is about 11. friend arlene who tries to validate her residence by acting like my grandmother's personal assistant. youngest cousin and his girlfriend who just had their kid...whoops, they were fighting too much so they went next door to my aunt's, but the chick got tired and headed off to ny, so young cousin is back by himself. these are the people that LIVE there. now i have 3 cousins (not counting young one), the oldest that lives with grandmother and the other 2 live next door with my aunt. they all have 2 kids, well, actually one has 3 kids, so that's a total of 7 kids running around my grandmother's house at all times because she is also the babysitter.

needless to say, there is waaaaaaaay too much action going on over there and i enjoy peace and quiet. not to mention, it is annoying to know that my grandmother allows herself to be taken advantage of in such a huge way. only one of the "residents" assists with the house and maybe a bill or two. otherwise, my granny is the type that cooks big ass meals, is always doing something and if you are walking down the street looking hungry and/or homeless, she'll tell you to come on in!

sometimes i think i'm the green sheep of my family cuz i just can't get with all of that. perhaps i am really a mean person, but i know people will use you up till your friggin well runs dry..so i do not support or try to support others. i do not believe it is fair for other people to have to live with and shoulder the results of decisions you made in life, even if they just roll with it like my grandmother. i love ya, but i gotta take care of my damn self. i'm not cooking for you or your damn kids...i'm not babysitting (unless i REALLY feel like it and you pay me-but that hasn't happened in years)...i'm not picking you up or dropping you off anywhere (unless you holla at my gas tank)...i'm not buying you things that you need while you buy things you want...and i am NOT sacrificing my tranquility to sit amongst bad ass hollering kids, drunk nobody's and lazy family members.

call it selfish, but i call it self-preservation. no one is gonna run me ragged or crazy with their mess...i've got my own!

Welcome to Miss A's Bootleg Paparazzi Agency - Mission 1 - MY IDIOTASTIC NEIGHBORS

*if you can't take a joke, you should exeunt right...about...now*

well bloggies, we've shot the ideas back and forth a few times...and i never thought i would actually be able to do it. but ALAS, i have gone on a mission to obtain pictures of my neighbors since i have shared so many stories about them with all of you. i'm sure you wondered what they may look like and today, you will have to wonder no more. let me say...this was a very difficult mission. it took me about 2 weeks to obtain shots of all of them due to the varying schedules and other antics that were going on. also, keep in mind, you will have to look closely cuz even tho i had a ball, i'm technically an amatuer. i had some camera malfunctions, hard angles, and difficulty getting position. the words may be small, but pull out your bifocals and/or magnifying glass (shawn :-P) so you can see better. next time, i'll have to get the high power equipment. now, if you do not know of my african neighbors (adam, olivia and tashi), it would behoove you to track back a little and read THIS before you continue. now, i should explain that i took these pictures as i observed my neighbors conducting their regular activities while i crouched in windows and hid in corners. up first.......adam and tashi (husband and wife)




i have not seen olivia (the sister) for quite some time. i believe she is held captive upstairs and is forced to oversee all de-furring, slicing and grilling of the wild animals adam captures. due to her current chore sentence, she is never seen outdoors, making it impossible to view her. use your imagination and envision her in your mind...she looks kinda like adam in a bad curly wig.


now onto the creme de la creme, your favorite blog neighbors and mine - pablo and margarita. again, if you are not familiar with them, take a moment to introduce yourself HERE and HERE before continuing. i'm telling you, it will help tie everything together.

anyhoos, i figured i should expound upon the fact that we all know margarita has returned since the infamous 4AM street fight incident. but let me share the deets since she's been back. she stayed away for ONE week. on her third day back, i was in my living room watching tv and i heard the familiar door slam and heavy footsteps. (grab the camera!) she stormed down the stairs screaming "I'M NOT GETTING HIGH FOR YOU MUTHA-FUCKA!! I'M NOT LOSING MY LIFE FOR NOBODY. I LIKE MY LIFE, MUTHA-FUCKA, SHIIIIIIT" what in fresh hell is going on? of course, i position myself to obtain some shots because she parked her funky ass on the front stairs which is right by my l.r. window. but as i was twitching and shifting in the window, i couldn't help but wonder...what the hell is she talking about? smoking to the point of dying? hmmmmm....i sincerely doubt that she is referring to weed, cuz who dies from that? so it had to be something serious like heroin or crack (or some new stuff i've never even heard of). my vote is for CRACK and i'll tell you why. (1) when i first moved in, pablo used to stand around outside and watch me intently. finally i spoke to him and once he opened his mouth i noticed, he had approximately 6-8 teeth. (2) pablo became stranger and stranger...he would stand across the street to look at me, he would sit on the front steps and watch me as i pulled in to park and STARE like he was retarded. (3) during the 4AM fight, i overheard him telling the cop that margie was stealing from him, hence his rage and insistence to throw her out-did she steal his stash? did she steal his crack savings? hmmmmmmmmm.... (4) pablo rents a garage but two times a day-EVERY DAY, he takes his very old (not vintage, just raggedy) mustang out and parks it on the street, puts it back in the garage, back on the street....then back to the garage. sometimes, his car will be five houses down on the other side of the street. why would he park so far away when he has a garage on the property? (5) not to mention, these people have NO shame. they fight like cats and dogs and don't care who hears them. i think drugs makes you fearless and careless, so i say-CRACK IT IS!!!

after i marinated on these thoughts, i got scared, cuz i'm like-these folks are crazy. they have their biz all in the streets and now i have CONFIRMATION that at least one of them is under the influence of something serious. as my mind continued to wander, margie stayed parked on the stairs for a minute. she even stayed and chatted up a passer-by (before pablo came outside). so i got some prime pics and they went a little something like this..............














(i actually felt sorry for her in this shot cuz she looks so stressed and confused.)








***on the update front, this past sunday, as i lay asleep-2:00 AM delivered margarita crying and screaming down the stairs. i only heard tidbits.....but i did hear the word "REHAB" (i don't know if she was suggesting it to him or referring to herself-DANG!) then she said (to pablo) "i only said that to see what you were about" pablo chases her down the stairs shouting "i'm about good family, dammit. that's what i'm about" margarita responds by saying " all i know is that i never want you to speak to me again ever." they took the rest of the argument outdoors, still within earshot. of course, i was fuming because, HELLO!! i have to go to work in the morning while pablo just has to play musical cars all day and she chain smokes. and WTF did pablo mean by his "good family" comment? did he mean that the family that fights together, lights together? if i'm a crackhead, you are too? the day margie sat on the stairs upset at his request to "get high", he eventually came outside and told her "you know it's my rules, right? you know that right?" she just stood by the car door and waited for him to unlock it. anyhoos, the next day, i went to the police station and to my dismay, there is really nothing that can be done to these fools. (not really surprised) the police never really seem to be able to "do anything" when you need them to and when you go about things "the right way" without taking the law into your own hands. so me, the quiet, extremely clean, always paying my rent on time, never hear a peep from neighbor has to just live with the crack head, always fighting, shouting in the streets and flaunting their drug habit neighbors until i move. only real option is to call the cops every time they fight and have them come out and hopefully witness their madness.

BWAAAAAAAHHHH HA HA.....AAHHHHHHH HA HA HA HAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!



she lurks in the closet, she hides in the trees
she'll post all your pics and report what she sees
she'll put you on blast and make fun of you
and let people see that you're such a big fool
whether crackhead or immigrant, or regular joe
no one is exempt, so make sure you know
to watch what you do and watch what you say
someone could be watching - it could be MISS A.


HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE PICS (& THE DRAMA) AND NOW YOU CAN MATCH FACES WITH THE NAMES SPRINKLED THROUGHOUT MY LITTLE OL' BLOG!!!

DRUMROLL PLEASE...............

Get your own countdown at BlingyBlob.com

Stresses of Life and The Art of Jumping

gotta love negroes!!! just GOTTA LOVE EM!!!!!!!!!! so, i'm driving home and am about to merge onto the parkway. as i did, i noticed that no one was coming from the southern direction. hmmmmmmmm...it's rush hour....anyhoos, i peek over the median and see nothing but bumper to bumper cars, not moving an inch and people outside of their cars looking into the distance. well, i figured that must have been one doozy of a car accident. maybe something blew up. maybe pieces flew over the median onto the south side. maybe there are bodies. maybe there's a hostage situation. maybe a gorilla escaped from the zoo, kidnapped someone's kid and is sitting in the middle of rush hour traffic playing paddy-cake.

as wendy williams and i cackled all the way home, i took note of how far back the cars were and not ONE was moving. dang! would hate to be on that side....maybe the news will be reporting the deal later. i get home, surf some channels and there's nothing. dang-what's the deal!?!? it had to be juicy....CRAP!!

well, early in the morn..........TA-DA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the unveiling of what the friggin hold-up was on the parkway...i present
"NIGGAS IS A BEAUTIFUL THANG!!!!!!" - Honeycutt, from the movie Bamboozled




A 37-year-old man distraught over an old criminal conviction and a recent breakup with his fiancée threatened to jump from a Garden State Parkway overpass in Irvington yesterday, spawning miles-long backups during rush hour as police shut down the highway in both directions.

Deon White, an Irvington resident, spent more than two hours clinging to a chain-link fence atop the Union Avenue overpass, his feet too big for the sliver of a ledge on which they rested, before Irvington detectives and State Police hostage negotiators talked him down at about 8:10 p.m., Irvington Police Chief Michael Chase said.

A fall would have sent White at least 40 feet to the pavement.
"It was the professional response of all the officers involved that brought this to a calm resolution," Chase said. Authorities closed the Parkway between Exits 142 and 143B shortly after White clambered over the overpass' fence around 6 p.m., as thousands of motorists headed home for the evening.

To the north, traffic backed up to Exit 148 in Bloomfield. To the south, brake lights stretched as far as 10 miles, State Police estimated.
White was taken to University Hospital in Newark, where he was placed under psychological evaluation. Police charged him with creating a hazardous situation, Chase said.
The chief, who was among those participating in the negotiations, said White told them he was depressed because his fiancée had broken up with him and because he believed he had been coerced into pleading guilty to a crime he said he didn't commit.
Public records show White was convicted of aggravated criminal sexual contact in 1994.
"He said he was convinced to plead guilty to something he didn't do and that it ruined his life," Chase said. "He wanted to make his fiancee aware that what she was told was false."

In a conversation that Chase said was tense at times, White threatened repeatedly to jump from the overpass as he explained his troubles. Officers from both agencies worked to calm him, putting him on a telephone with his fiancée, who agreed to meet him at the hospital, Chase said.
The chief said officers also agreed to White's request that they at least look at his criminal case to see if it could be reopened. Details of the case were not immediately available.

Desaree Lowe watched the scene unfold from the corner of her porch on Union Avenue. Shortly after 8 p.m., she said, an Irvington officer approached and asked if anyone could spare a cigarette. White needed a smoke.
Lowe, 42, said she gave the officer her last Newport menthol. (niggas is a beautiful thang!) Minutes later, White allowed officers to cut the fence. Then he squeezed through to safety.
"The man needs some prayer," Lowe said. "He probably needed someone to talk to." (that, and your very last Newport menthol)
Chase said he had some previous knowledge of White, who had been arrested several times on minor charges over the years. That familiarity, the chief said, helped him build a rapport with White.
"We were able to calm him down and get him to talk to us," the chief said, crediting a host of officers, principally State Police hostage negotiator Frank Cruz.

ok, i do not even know where to start with this train wreck of a story. but let me state my honest opinion (1) there are too many questions here. he's JUST NOW getting upset about a 1994 conviction? (2) did his fiancee just find out, therefore prompting her to break up with him? (3) why is this just now being discovered and you are about to marry someone? (4) he obviously is not an upstanding citizen being that his "several arrests" on minor charges over the years built his rapport with the police officers. (5) PEOPLE, do your research on your mates!! background checks, credit reports, high school love letters-all that!!! but i find it hard to believe that ms. fiancee truly had no clue that this guy was a bum...with or without his 12 year old conviction. (6) he never intended on jumping cuz if he did, he would have...no conversation, no smoking, no dilly-dallying...none of that. if you are trying to kill yourself calmly and slowly-STAY AT THE HOUSE! take your time, watch some tv, smoke your crack, eat some spam, slit one wrist, get some ice-cream, slit the other wrist, take a bath, comb your hair and lay it down. but if you are trying to do something public, get it popping and let's move on so people can get on with their plans (7) i believe that the police department should be able to lay out a safety net and shoot the perpetrator with a tranquilizer dart, making them fall to safety...letting people get on with their day. kinda like those quick inflate rafts, just pull the plug, *BAM* shoot in the neck or ass and *THUD* drag em to jail. (8) the people who are inconvenienced should be able to participate in a drive-by "town-hall" like heckle-fest. (i think this should apply to people who cause senseless accidents that delay traffic also. not like when your brakes go, but when you are speeding, talking on the phone, putting on your shirt and eating, while balancing your checkbook kind of accidents) once the perpetrator is captured and/or subdued, people should be able to throw rotten tomatoes and eggs at them, shout obscenities and throw trash. just a little retribution for their inconvenience...someone had to get home to take some medicine or pay a bill before someplace closed, feed or pick up their kids, go to the bathroom or something really important to them. (9) back to mr. dummy, if he was so beat about his "false" conviction, why didn't he pull this in 1994 or 95? this smells fishy! (10) since he thinks his life is so misunderstood, what did he think this stunt was gonna do? earn him the purple heart of courage? (11) NIGGAS IS A BEAUTIFUL THANG!! (12) that fall would not have killed him...it was only forty feet (unless he fell on his head/neck). again i say, he was not trying to kill himself...he just would've been a little jacked up (13) and if i was the ex-fiancee, i am NOT getting on the phone with you NOR am i meeting your crazy ass at the hospital. obviously, you are either a scumbucket (hence the conviction, other arrests and breakup) AND/OR YOU ARE A PSYCHO, so if you jump, then your crazy butt can't come around bothering/harrassing/stalking me cuz i broke up with you (this puts me in the mind of the yvette cade from oprah whose husband burned her after she left him) and if you don't jump, the fact is-you showed me your CRAZAY card, so i NOW KNOW you have it in you to go coo-coo for cocoa puffs and i have NADA to say to you...hello? we just broke up, didn't we? if we couldn't work it out before, we ain't working it out on the damn bridge or in the loony bin (14) don't you just LOOOOOOVE how the neighbor sacrificed her very last Newport cigarette for a loon? (15) why was it necessary for us to know the brand of cigarette? (16) i can just see the neighbor in her housecoat and hair-rollers telling the reporters, "make sure ya'll write that i gave him my last newport, cuz ray-ray never got up to get me a new pack and i was just about to light that up cuz i didn't get my check today and the baby has diarrhea, and herman done left me again, but i saw a brotha in need so i gave it to him...ya got dat? that's NEWPORT, MENTHOLS in the green and white soft pack! psssst...can i get some newports for participatin' in this here tragedy? just send them to desaree with two E's." (17) did i say niggas is a beautiful thang?

*of course, death is not funny, but since that fool didn't die (or even jump), ya'll know i had to make fun of this story. also, committing suicide is no laughing matter, so i hope you know #5 is a joke. be easy bloggies. whoa, why am i explaining? ya'll know how i do-PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!*

STAY TUNED FOR THURSDAY'S POST...MY PAPPARRAZI STINT IS OVER, TASK IS COMPLETE AND IT SHALL BE INTERESTING!!!

AND THE WINNER IS............

JOANIE, JOANIE, JOANIE!!!!!!!!!!




SIKE YOUR MIND!!!!! you guys really thought she was gonna win, didn't ya?!?!

GO TEAM DANIELLE!!!!! WHOOPEE!!! YIPPEE!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!

YES, people, DANIELLE WON!!!!!!!!! can you believe it? well, it should have been obvious. but we'll get into that later. for now, let's chat about the episode. of course, the finale always includes a covergirl commercial, a covergirl beauty shot and a fashion show.
first up, the commercial....lawd help. they all struggle with their lines and jade's fuggy ass needed cue cards cuz she was just a hot M-E-S-S!!!!!! she was bobbing her head like a chicken and her hair look a fright!


next up, the beauty shots............
danielle's is definitely the prettiest, but i think it is waaaaaaaaaaay too airbrushed. it almost doesn't look like her...but it's still FABULOUS!!!!

jade-BOO! HATE the slick-back...she looks all of 26, maybe even 36 years old and very sneaky....BLEH!!!

IG'NANCE OF THE DAY:: "my look is just in a different realm...people just can't handle it"-jade-ARGH!! girl, i'm sooooooooo glad you got sent home first! i guess the rest of the nation will just have to live without you as a winner cuz we can't hadle how great you are....we suck


joanie-i agree with miss jay that this pic is very tight in the mouth area. she kinda looks like uma thurman to me in this. it's ok, but nothing exceptional.

so miss jade was sent home first (THANK YOU!), leaving the walk-off between joanie and danielle


NEXT UP...the fashion show. it was on a river with a VERY elaborate runway that seemed to span at least a mile. the runway was covered with slippery flower petals and the clothes were very exotic!!! LOVED IT!!! let me say, joanie bored the pants off of me with her first walk. she was constantly looking down, her face was oh-so-blahzay and she was "walking like she was in the mall" according to nigel barker, one of the judges. miss danielle came out with the FIYAH!!!!!!! she was stomping and winking, prancing and she even slipped-but kept her composure.

on the second walk, joanie stepped it up, but it was too little, too late. i was very unimpressed with her. onto the judging.........


now as we know, tyra and the judges have been on danielle about her country accent and people thought she wouldn't win because of it. but let's compare...danielle started out fierce and remained consistent the WHOLE TIME!! joanie was good, bad, boring, ok, great, hmmmmm...it was like a rollercoaster. not to mention, she was extremely boring to look at in person. she wasn't adjusting well to her new shiny teeth..she just couldn't shake that wallflower personality. so, in retrospect, danielle only had one issue and joanie had a couple. all danielle has to do is hire a speech coach and that's why she WON!!!!!!!!!




i am sooooooooooo glad tyra chose a real, down-home brown skinned black girl to hold the title. nothing against eva and naima, but danielle is what's up!!!!!!!

CONGRATS!!!!! let's hope she gets busy and has a great, long successful career!!!!!!!!!

Watch out!! Papparrazi on the Loose!

[*sidebar:: you guys are on point with your ANTM predictions & such* ;-), hope you caught the marathon this weekend on vh1-WOOT WOOT!!!]

lawd have mercy!!!!!!! let me first say...PAPPARRAZZI I AM NOT!!!! now, if you keep up with this blog, you know that my couthless neighbors have recurring roles all up and thru here. at some bloggie's request AND at an attempt to tie all of my stories together, i have gone on a mission to provide pictures of these people to post for all to see. well, thank heavens for my day job, because my mission was quite the M-E-S-S!!!

also, know that i am still going to provide pics for you guys as soon as i can...but i had no idea it would be so difficult obtaining them.

second...SHE'S BAAAAAAAACCCCCCK! oh yes, margarita is back already. ^@@$#^*%#$@^ as i lay watching movies, i heard her, i smelled her, the floors vibrated and the windows shook. it was margie, making her louder-than-ever way up to the third floor. %@$#@^&@^#@#% only one week!! ONE FRIGGIN WEEK!!!! people haven't even had a chance to act like they forgot about last week's ghetto death match-DANG!!! and you would think she would come in quietly, humbly..perhaps giving an effort to (mis)lead the neighbors into thinking she's learned lesson # 1-BE QUIET!!!! but OH NO!!!

third, it was at this point that i sprung into action-BOOTLEG-PAPPARRAZI-R-US is now open for business and i was going to get these pics. hmmmmmm, how would i do this? we rarely physically cross paths, so i would have to literally get my papp on-YES! lurking in corners, hiding in closets, peeking thru windows, etc. before i go into my adventures, i want to send shouts out to the real picture snappers of the world because this is no easy task. i see why they get paid so much money-YOU...CAN...GET...HURT!!!!!!

ok, so i grabbed my trusty dusty camera and every time i heard a door close or foot hit the stairs, i sprang up to see who it was and where they were. first up...adam, olivia and tashi. i was in bed, just waking up, but i heard their door and it was time to rise. i shot to the window and aimed my lens toward their crap-mobile. well, tashi headed to the car while adam emptied some trash *SNAP* got her. adam was more difficult. he was looking all around, carrying stuff and *SNAP* damn...not a good one, got the back of his head. olivia, well, she was nowhere in site. as the day goes on i hear LOUD footsteps...therefore i know it's someone from the 3rd floor. YES!!! it's pablo!! i crash into the window hoping to get a prime shot as he pulled his car out of the garage but after about 33 seconds, no pablo. so i sprinted to the living room and DAMN! he's walking up the street to the store...too far...bad shot. the day progresses and i am feeling hopeless about getting the money shots i need. then *BAM* i hear it again. loud steps, loud mouth..IT'S MARGIE!! WHOOPPEE!! she decides to be the classy lass she is and smoke on the front stairs-right by my window. this is gonna be hard, cuz she's right there...she could see me. i jump behind my television (almost knocking it over), trample a few plants and try to get position, but it's too hard. the angle she's at, my close proximity, all the noise and laughing i'm doing could ruin my chances. DAMN! she looks my way....ok, ok, ice cold, ice cold...what to do!?!?!? *SNAP* too close *SNAP* WTF!?!?!? angles are all off!!! and she's gone-HOT DIGGITY DAMN!!!!!! i decided to take a well-deserved rest. a few moments later, *door close* must be 2nd floor people...YES!!! it's adam.....i spring up from my cozy pallette and *SNAP* gotcha!!!!!!!!! so ok, i'm 2 out of 4 or 5 (if we count olivia-who is the quietest and doesn't do much, except maybe skin the zebras and antelopes, but she does it quietly...but i'll never forget the snowstorm and that's the only reason i'll try to get her). i hang up my trusty dusty cam for the day-i'm BEAT!

sunday morning, the bed is warm, the tv is on...i'm snug as a bug in a rug..then *SLAM* door close, heavy footsteps...THIRD FLOOR!!! i hurry to turn on the cam and say freak it...i'm gonna get this one! i jump in my closet which has a small opening by which to spy thru. after climbing over some clothes & shoe mountains with my elbow lodged in a hamper, i perch myself perfectly in the closet. DAMN!!! DAMN!!! DAMN!!! too late...he's already out the door!! would have been a bad shot!! as i tried to back out of the closet, i crashed into a table, stabbing myself in the lower back and almost dying of laughter (and pain)-GEEZ! this is a toughie...margie on the other hand must have gotten the memo (late in the game) that nobody wants to see her bad bleached hair and loud mouth so she never resurfaced for the rest of the weekend.

NEXT UP!!! BOOTLEG PAPPARRAZI TAKE TWO!!! WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN I COME FOR YOU!?!?! LOL!!!

Top Mogwai::Week 10 - Beach Dreams

IG'NANCE OF THE DAY:: "joanie doesn't have a lingerie body...i think i do" jade about joanie at her go-see

YIKES AND EGADS!!!!!!!!! sara finnally got eliminated, therefore jade has made it to the TOP 3-CACKLE, BARF, GAG! (i knew it was gonna happen, but to see it is totally different) anyhoos, if we all didn't know, sara was the girl who at 6'1" was "discovered" to be on the show while strolling thru the mall one day. some of the girls had become bothered by her because of this and were doubting her drive and dedication to becoming a top model, especially since she kinda fell into the competition. well, last night's ep was about go-sees (auditions with thai designers). the ladies met up with a former thai model to get their portfolios, instructions and map for the day.

she went over some very simple thai customs with them to use on their go-sees and sent them on their way. all the girls had to remember was (1) take your shoes off before going in, (2)smile, thai people will like that and think they are friendly and (3) bring them a small gift. and they were off! they had 4 hours and had to ride in tut-tuts. the ex-model stressed that they had to be back at the hotel by 4:30.


a lot of the girls were struggling with directions, but they did okay, i guess. danielle forgot to take her shoes off at one of the offices and jade never smiled. well, due to horrible thai traffic, sara, danielle, and joanie were a little late getting back. but miss jade decided that since she was late already, she might as well go see the last designer-making everyone wait an hour and 40 minutes.

what a skank!!! after receiving their critiques, the winner of the challenge was danielle-but because everyone was late-no one got the prize. (gasp!) and the prize was 2 racks of fine thai couture and lingerie *smh*

moving right along...the girls were gonna do their shoot at a beach that was affected by the tsunami. a lot of them were shaken up by their surroundings, especially danielle. they were going to model swimsuits for elle and elle, girl magazines and the goal was to appear more soft than fierce.


if i may say so, joanie is looking a little poochy in this pic...her stomach is rather bloaty, so i see what jade could have been speaking of.

ONTO THE PICS.............

danielle-well, the pic is cool, but the judges slammed her for not posing appropriately. they said this was more for a men's mag than elle (which is true) but she stills looks good. her face is flawless, but her pose is a little porny. in my opinion, she has the best body though. joanie looks funny with her wop-body, jade's hips are a little large in proportion to the rest of her and i see sara's ribs a little more than i would like. so GO TEAM DANIELLE!


jade-i must be going crazy for what i'm about to say...but i actually like this pic of her. she looks like a sweet young lady instead of an alien or transvestite. only thing is she could have used some peach or pink lip gloss cuz she looks like she has smoker's lips (bleh)


joanie-well, this was a good pic for her, altho its not my favorite. the judges said she looks younger...i agree. her expression is a tad bit boring, but it's cool.


sara-well, i actually liked this pic of her cuz she not pursing those lips of hers and she wasn't looking at the camera. oh well, too little, too late!

so the finale is coming up and it's down to jade (@%^$#@%), danielle and joanie...WHO DO YOU WANT TO WIN? DO YOU THINK YOUR PIC WILL ACTUALLY WIN?

It's About To Be a WHAT!?!?! A FISTFIGHT!!!!!!!!!!

ooooh chile, you won't BELIEVE the madness that occurred this weekend!!! let's get right to it....so, saturday, i had a very relaxing day. as night fell, i nestled on into bed and headed off to sleep. well, around 4:09 AM, there arose such a clatter...BOOM, BAM, CA-RASH!!!!! i sat up, looking like WTF!?!?! the cat was just as startled and confused...but i took it back down. well, about 12 seconds later hear comes the boom "GET THE F*CK OUTTA MY HOUSE!" that was pablo from upstairs on the 3rd floor. "AY AY AY, CHI, CHI, CHI, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH" that's margarita...they're at it again. their fights are usually very serious...filled with shouting, screaming, cussing, throwing, pushing, and other domestic noises. well, the shouting goes on for about 30 more minutes and i'm thinking, if i can hear them so clearly, i know adam, olivia and tashi on the second floor have prime front row seats to this blood match. but at this hour, i'm growing very irritated. i contemplate calling my landlord, but that would've been pointless cuz he's an idiot, so i go and record the issue & time on my dry-erase board that is filled with complaints against these two. as i get back into bed....BOOM, POW, ZAM!!!! dang, are they wrestling? should i call the police? really, i wanted to go stand in the hallway and scream "SHUT THE F*CK UP!"

well, about 3 minutes later, heres comes margie, storming down the stairs.."FINE, I'M LEAVING THEN" "YEAH, GET OUT!" "FINE, BYE, BYYYYYYYYYYYYE!!!" all of this noise is taking place in the stairway right by my place...i am FUMING!!! well, they decide to take the argument outside. so there they are, shouting and fighting in the street....now i REALLY want to yell out the window, but if they said something back like "YOU shut the f*ck up"...well, let's just say, there would have been a riot. so i sat there and finally decide to call the police. as soon as i come to this conclusion, i hear up, down, up, down, running and banging up and down the stairs. so i look out of the window again and it's pab, dropping garbage bag after garbage bag of margie's stuff on the sidewalk. there's a policeman standing right by the door, so someone beat me to it. i see two negroes picking the bags up so i thought it was adam and tashi. well, i couldn't see too well out of my closet wondow perched on top of my hamper, so i went into the living room which also had better sound. it wasn't adam and tashi, but two negroes from across the street taking the stuff over there. there was another police officer over at that house and some random watchers just taking it all in. then, the negroes start going at it "where all this stuff gon' go?" "i don't know" "yip, yip yip, yack, yack, yack" WHAT A HOOT!!!! finally, after about the 12th bag, pab stands next to the policeman (right under my window) and chats it up a bit. "yeah, officer, she picked the lock and i was like-who is it and she was like me and i was like-what you want? and she was like-my clothes. and i said get outta here, cuz you ain't gonna be stealing from me and that's how it started." after i got the whodunit, where and why of the situation, i went back to bed.

moral of the story::if you have to fight your partner, kick them all in the street, cuss them like they stole something (or if you DID steal something)...maybe you shouldn't be together. if you have to consistently throw dem bows, and swang dem thangs, then learn when to throw in the towel. some things just aren't worth it. this makes complaint # 42 against these nuts. will it ever end? i'm just glad i survived ths one...let us pray that one day before i move and when they try to really kill each other, the bullet doesn't go through the floor and strike me as i sleep.

Top Mogwai::Week 9 - Crazy for Ladies' Legs

IG'NANCE OF THE DAY:: "i'm not intimidated by joanie...she's just not on my level." - jade

let's get to it!!!! as we know, the ladies are in thailand. can you believe that FUFU got sent home last night? i am reeeaaaaaaaaallly disappointed. even though i'm on team danielle, i would have enjoyed seeing JADE or SARA sent home before fufu. ok, she was all over the place, looking like a frightened, spastic crackhead a lot...but i still feel like she had more ambition in her pinky toe than big, confused sara. seriously, sara looks like someone just clubbed her over the head and drug her to the competition. anyhoos, the models had a lesson in thai dancing which is very precise and elegant.

the whole time, danielle was feeling quite barfy and ended up collapsing and being escorted to the hospital. turns out she's dehydrated and has mild food poisoning. because of her hospital stint, she missed the dance competition where the girls had to dress in formal thai garb and get their dance on in front of an audience.

of course, jade thought she was on point, sara looked like a wounded antelope with a stick up her butt, joanie did very well (and won the challenge), and fufu.........well, fufu looked kinda like this.....

honey, poor fufu looked like gator from jungle fever, just shaking and fluttering all over the place. i swear she did the cabbage patch and the running man at least twice. the whole audience was cracking up-poor fufu.those nerves will getcha every time!

so danielle busts outta the hospital against doctor's orders and heads back to the hotel. i figure that was a smart move cuz i mean, it was just a little food poisoning and dehydration. she had an IV so she got some fluids back and after some quality purging and resting, she'll be fine. didn't want to see her sent home for missing anymore of the competition...and WHAT A TROOPER!!! the ladies had a shoot for venus razors so the point was to show off their legs. they went deep into the thai jungle on elephants to pose. i think they looked great! check em out!!



GORGEOUS!!! she looks so regal up there...nothing more to say except go team danielle!!!!!!!


fufu-well, she looks a little uncomfortable to me. i could do without the view of her trap cuz it just accentuates her boniness. lord, someone please feed this child!!! 5-10 pounds would make such a difference in her life


jade-HATE THIS PIC!!! the way her bone structure is really makes it difficult to look graceful. her eyebrow line, cheekbones and chin look "razor" sharp...not to mention, she looks like she's laying on a surfboard learning how to swim and was photoshopped onto the elephant's back. just a mess! BOO!


joanie-great pic. great face, great legs. great pose. she really worked this one. i think her new teeth have given her the confidence of 10 women. she worked that elephant like he was her own personal pet. i like this one alot.


sara-what can i say? i'm so bored with her. she had the nerve to bite joanie and pretty much copy every pose she did during her shoot. that is so wack! and this pic looks like she's dry-humping the poor elephant...if she's not sent home next, i'm gonna scream! and her left foot looks huge-BLEH!

now, at judging, it came down to fufu and jade. i'm tired of tyra putting jade in the bottom 2, and never sending her ass home! she's been in the bottom 2 almost every week, except for about 3 times. and every time-they talk about her arrogance and miss-know-it-all demeanor. they even check her for thinking she knows it all, and has yet to become a supermodel....but she still gets chance after chance. jade is like an ingrown toenail...you see it, feel it...it gets on your nerve, but sometimes you don't feel like fighting to remove it. well, i'd fight till the death to send her ass back to the "belly." LOL! she's starting to look a little michael jackson-esque and i'm sick of her mouth. i swear, if i were on that show, we would have had an altercation already. honestly, i'd rather see sara's doofy self stay longer than jade cuz she knows she sucks therefore she just fades into the background. but jade sucks and thinks she's hot! anyhoos, ya'll know who my vote is for so, i'll keep hope alive that she'll get the boot.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? ARE YOU SAD THAT FUFU IS GONE? WHO SHOULD BE NEXT?