Thursday, June 15, 2006

Won't You Take Me To....FUNKYTOWN!?!?!?!

******just to put ya'll regulars on notice...i've been bitten by the revenge bug. last night i went home, put on some lindsay lohan and the yeah, yeah, yeahs, blasted it like crazy and played the drums with my umbrella. it was magical. the walls shook, the floor vibrated. i KNOW i disturbed my neighbors...and this morning, i called them all crackheads outside-AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! sweet justice. more of these dumb antics to follow. i tried to show some class, but now, i'll show my ig'nant ass!******

NOW, onto today's post...many of you may not be aware that the "urban" prom goers up here have some sort of twisted take on reality. gone are the days of pretty dresses, normal hairstyles and elegance. gone are common colors, patterns and even body images that look good in said attire. i do believe that the goal is to see how much of your body you can expose for minimal cost regarding material, dress pattern, fashion and TASTE. gone are the sweet and innocent allure of young party-goers just out to have some fun, dance a little and look cute doing it............

i welcome you to ONE of NEW JERSEY'S PROMS, located in Stankville, NJ (get your barf bag ready)

now let me say, this is one of the mildest ones, but ol' girl's dress looks about 2-3 sizes too big. that saggy ruching and cheap rhinestone belly chain thing do NOT go...one or the other. not to mention, one of her nips are about to make a guest appearance.

i won't comment on the orange being that i canot see it completely, but missy in the black-DOUBLE NO to the garter. you are not a pussycat doll, bride or stripper-so what gives?? (i don't know how much truth is in the last occupational reference) but, let me say-I TAKE ISSUE WITH WOMEN WHO FEEL IT'S OKAY TO SHOW THEIR STOMACHS JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVE A CHANDELIER HANGING FROM IT, REGARDLESS OF THE SHAPE OF SAID STOMACH. there's a little too much pooch going on in el estomago-BOO!!!! let's take another look........

we can see from the side view that there is a little too much protrusion going on-EW!

homey in the back looks like an easter basket exploded on her, but at least she's covered. but miss thang in the front (1) THE EYESHADOW is KILLING me! (2) maybe the double sided tape isn't working cuz i bet she was tugging at that thing all night. she looks uncomfortable (3) is the top even attached to the bottom? what is with all of the rumpling and funkiness around the mid-section!??! (4) doesn't she kinda look like a cracked-out rudy huxtable?

is this supposed to be a tribute to a flag? i take issue with flag-inspired clothing...it just seems so un-original and boring

blue & white dress-PASS! but the shiny yellow thing is priceless. first of all, the boobies are smashed beyond recognition and the slit is too damn high. is there lycra in that!?!?!

i love her confidence, but the dress just screams "look at my cha-cha PLEEEEEASE!" and NO SHE DID NOT have the "ardacity" to have a friggin ruffled train attached...but the best part is the date behind her made to carry the train. that's right people, for the cost of a shotty tux with pimp daddy shoes, you too can have a man servant escort you and your ruffles to the prom!

yet another example of a tummy (and belly button ring) that could have looked better underneath a nice & snug girdle. and might i add, i HATE assymetrical hemlines!-ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! love those pink shades and disposable camera tho.

lady in the tan/brown-WTF!!???! did your momma throw the curtains on you as you were walking out the door? lady in the pink/peach-are you ashamed to be seen with curtain girl? or did you realize that your dress is too tight in the boob area and couldn't muster up enough breath for a smile in the pic? and why do you have a gray purse with not a drop of gray in your dress?

WHAT IN THE CRISP HOT HELL TOLD THEM THIS WAS FLY!?!?! and WTF is up with all the white? is it against the rules to wear a regular black tux? now, direct your eyes to the footage area....as much as i hate those damn pimp looking shoes, at least the baby blues look quasi-costly. but the crayola-inspired ones in the middle look like he made them in the garage at the house with peanut n'em in an attempt to be ORIGINAL-bleh! ones on the right...too damn much in the color department. what is that pattern? lord help the babies!!!!

DOUBLE UGH!!! ok, for real, i would be afraid of this girl on a regular day...but this get-up is really frightening. what are the make-shift arm-wraps? those cheap little rhinestone thingies going across her chest look like they are holding on for dear life, and THE COLLAR!!!!!!!!!! what in tarnations told her to put a cruella de-ville collar on that contraption? p.s. i think my cat would have looked better perched on top of her head rather than that pointy mess. HEY!! my cat is white, so she would have matched!

ok, i missed the memo. WITCH COLLARS ARE IN!!! they must be! now, what is up with the extra saggy materialization going on up top? now, if the boobies are flat and saggy that shape doesn't help (i think this is the issue). if they are small and almost non-existent, they look as if they disappeared in all that rufflization. i just hope it's not the flat-and -saggy, cuz a nip might find its way to that peephole in the middle. the waist seems awfully high, but i guess the booty shorts underneath make up for the cooch-shot we get when she walks

ok, neck tats-CHECK! big gaudy (fake) earrings-CHECK! suits that are 4-5 sizes too big-CHECK! counterfeit money printed at peanut's house-CHECK!
hey-at least they're not wearing white!

this here-IS MY FAVORITE!!! let's explore....miss orange dress, someone lied and told you that your body looked cute with THAT much information exposed. did you think that putting some shimmer on your boob holders would distract us all from the thunder action going on down below? my dear, you too, could stand to be suctioned in a little. ma'daam in the middle, did your aunt willona pick out that disco queen pattern you have splayed all over your dress? you actually seem to have a decent body, but the dress has too much action and makes you look frumpy in the middle. and what is that in the middle of your chest-a brooch? a sticker? i can't tell. le' chick on the right-now you KNOW you are wrong for those damn glow-in-the-dark mesh ruffles at the end of your mini-dress. i would be willing to overlook YOUR psychadelic print if you didn't have the pooch-pooch going on also. this whole picture is a bag of skittles gone wild!

now even tho i don't like the colors, this child looks the most normal. is she a visitor? or did she miss the pre-prom committee meeting that said to look crazy at this year's event? i give her props for being brave enough to look like a REGULAR PROM-GOER. (yes, i am ignoring the fact that someone thought it would be cute to dress up lil' man-man and throw him up in the pictures)

i have NEVER in all my days seen so many flattened, smashed, distorted and distressed boobs in my life. and for these ladies to be in high-school, what is up with that? now, i know i can be a little old-fashioned, but i was at my prom less than 10 years ago. have times changed that much? seriously, i cannot understand the method behind these outfits. BOYS AND GIRLS!! everyone looks a fright!!!!!!!!!!

I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED YOUR STROLL THRU FUNKYTOWN!!!!

24 Comments:

Blogger BoneDaddy said...

Pretty wild trip through the prom parade! Glad you have no problem standing up to your neighbors.

2:31 PM  
Blogger Shawn said...

This right here was so crazy I don't know where to begin. I'mma gonna have to look over everything again later.

The sad part about all this is their parents gave them money to purchase these wild concoctions. Why would I give my kids X amount of hundreds to go pimp and ho' shopping? Come on now! The attire is inappropriate for a formal event. Do you think their parents are ecstatic about their prom pics on the family walls?

The other oddity is I'm guessing these girls were able to buy these dresses off the rack(s) somewhere. The dressmaker/shop owner offering these get-ups for sale needs to be tarred and feathered.

I'll be back.

3:00 PM  
Blogger Mrs A. said...

brohtergrimm-you have no idea the mess that has forced me into the current neighbor war! :-S

shawn-get em! get em!

3:16 PM  
Blogger AWE said...

Is this a new reality tv show called "Pimp Your Prom"?

5:00 PM  
Blogger Mrs A. said...

awe-oooh, GOOD ONE!!!

5:21 PM  
Blogger Jameil said...

CRISP HOT HELL!! lmao!! and is rufflization a new word? you know i love making up words! lololol. are these people actual prom-goers?!! why does nothing fit? where the hell was your momma?!! tow up!! why did my girl in bmore say at her h.s. they knew the kids would be drunk so they had an after-prom cruise. WHAT?!!!!

can i say i hate white tuxes?! hate hate!! ick!! and why do all these bad chaps have belly rings? i bet they have tongue rings too.... wait. no. they'd be showing those. ok. so just belly rings. and ain't nothin wrong wit a lil counterfeit money at your prom.

7:18 PM  
Blogger Adei von K said...

That has got to be some Miami shit. I KNOW I've seen those 'now & later' gators somewhere and I haven't been to Detroit. Excuse me for cussing on on blog but I recognize hood ANYWHERE! And ole confident girl? StaQuandaNiqua? You know what she was saying right? "Heyyyyyy!"
I can't believe this mess! And it gets worse every year!!!! What happened to class and dignity? I know at my highschool, there was no midriff dresses allowed. We laughed at the girl who had to wear her sister's 1995 prom dress! (LOL, we're so mean) But let's say they were permitted...I would want the tightest Gwen Stefani pre Kingston/Janet Jackson abs ever! Audacious, these kids nowadays...

7:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A hot mess...every one of them except the last chic...That is the problem these days though, kids trying to imitate the latest video ho...I would have never shown up in my backyard let alone out in public in ANY of these getups...ugggghh

11:15 AM  
Blogger Sylvia said...

*smh*

Mmm-mm-damn--mm.

I could just hear their mother's in the background before they left for the prom:"Baby gurl, make sho you try an git in all dem pictures cuz you is on FIYAH!"

Lawd, someone put out that flame!!!LOL

1:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Girl I saw this pictures. Those dresses look straight homemade. And what's up with all the belly rings? Wish my mother would have let me get one, that's when my stomach was at it's flattest! LOL

2:37 PM  
Blogger Ladynay said...

The pix aren't working for me right now but I seen a few of the 06 prom pix on other sites....

I am still laughing at the Lindsey Lohan!

8:46 PM  
Blogger Tafari said...

I saw these pictures last week in an unwanted forwarded email & could not believe how fucked up & mammy made these broke ass jr pimps & ho looked.

The sad fact is that theses pictures are going all over & the people on the pictures will never see the jokes about them with they broke asses.

I am speculated on the fact that they are broke but if they were not broke as hell, then they would know that you don't give Pookie's mama, the former crack head 50 dollars to make a dress with fabric that you got on sale ay Walmart. (did this make since???)

11:13 PM  
Blogger Ladynay said...

OMG! I finally got all the pix and between your commentary and Beyonce and dem singing I am in TEARS YAH HEARD!

I hope the in thing is to actually wear a complete dress when it's my daughters turn to go to prom!

4:20 PM  
Blogger Liza Valentino said...

a mess....I promise there had to be a contest for best homemade dress or some shit because i've never in my life seen so many creations that should have never been....created.

2:12 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

was this a real prom?? oh my lord..some of those girls also look pretty old to be going to a prom..

3:43 PM  
Blogger Sherlon Christie said...

LMAO (to the exponential power)

1:26 PM  
Blogger Gallis said...

Was this inspired by a flag?

Brilliant.

Where do you get this stuff?

6:00 PM  
Blogger 4EverJennayNay said...

yep. prom 06 pix are floating all over the place. sad, sad, sad. but thats what you get when you walk around looking like a crayola mess.

5:51 PM  
Blogger 4EverJennayNay said...

I also have to point out man-man's wrinkled suit. the first time i saw i thought it was supposed to be like that. but no, that boy had it balled up in the back of his closet. this is why your mother fusses and tells you to hang your clothes up!

5:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How quickly things changed between generations... Is it because clothes are so expensive now, most people cannot afford to cover their entire body :). Is it me or are teenagers really premature? Back when I was a junior high school (6 years ago), the only way I could see this much skin was by standing on my toes at the newstands or on the internet...

3:49 PM  
Blogger Elle Jefe said...

*singing* I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way...

11:26 AM  
Blogger Omar Ramon said...

my prom was a mess as well. you make me wanna pull out my photo album!! love the commentary as usual.

5:32 PM  
Blogger KBoug said...

crazzzzyyyy. damn.. whats happening with these kids. Hey and i've been noticing the whole white suit epidemic for a minute. Black men do it in their weddings now too... whats going on with that?

10:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey girl, i stumbled apon ur blog... u r jus too funny!!!!

9:05 AM  

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