Thursday, April 27, 2006

Top Mogwai::Week "I Don't Give a Damn Cuz My Heart is Broken"


GIRL, YOU SMELL LIKE FISH!!!!!!!!



NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Say it ain’t so………….i…can….barely…type….for…the…tears…are…blurring…my…vision! NNENNA WAS KICKED OFF LAST NIGHT!!!!! (moment of silence, please)
Now, YES, she was slowly losing momemtum, and YES, she was extremely boring with her facial expressions, and YES, she was getting comfortable just winning the challenges and posing for lackluster photos…BUT I DON’T CARE!!!!!! I WANTED HER TO BE THE NEXT IMAN!!!!!!! I WANTED HER TO STOMP THE OTHER GIRLS IN THE NECK WITH HER NIGERIAN HEELS!!!!! I WANTED HER TO BE BALD, BLACK AND BEAUTIFUL IN THE TOP SPOT!!!!!!! I WANTED HER TO WIN AND GET SUPER-SNOTTY AND DUMP THAT LOSER BOYFRIEND OF HERS AND TRAVEL AROUND THE WORLD WITH A BENGAL TIGER ON A LEASH!!!!!!!! NNENNA, WHY HAS THOU FORSAKEN ME!?!?! you let your water run dry, we've come to the end of the road, i can't say goodbye to yesterday, i'm crying everyone's tears, it's just another day, nothing's any good and i am now the queen of sorrow...........I have no words





(ok, so did anyone else notice the clown's teeth in the "dancing nnenna" pic? i say GOT-DAMN!!!!! it looks like his breath smells like boiled possums...YET nnenna braved his hot inferno mouth, let him breathe all over her and STILL produced a lovely photo....oooh, nnenna-the good ol'days!) But I will move onto the episode antics…the girls got to go to THAILAND! And they were put up in a very swanky hotel. But before leaving LA, Danielle agreed to get her gap slightly closed. Now, I was on the fence about this one because I disagree with the judges saying that it would hold her back and isn’t marketable. There are plenty of models with jacked up teeth, tattoos, all kinds of things that may be looked upon as unattractive but have become their trademark. And on the same note, I didn’t want Danielle to be kicked off for refusing to get it done cuz after all is said and done, its just a gap, not your soul. The girls also had to go for interviews with a very cutthroat guy who showed no mercy...LOL…he straight called miss jade out, telling her she looked like an “arrogant b*tch.” HA HA!!!!!! Nnenna had won the interview challenge, even though the guy thought she was a bit snobbish so her prize was a spa treatment…but the other girls had to perform it-BOO!!! I would not want my competitors, especially NON-certified chicks rubbing on me and securing my bath…nonetheless, her and jade got some down time at the spa. There really wasn’t much to this episode. The girls had to pose like mermaids caught in a fish net (with real dead fish) dangled above cute Thai women on a river. I liked the shoot………so onto the pics……






danielle-i guess i'm on team danielle now. i like her but find it hard to celebrate her pic at a time like this-but its definitely good.


fufu-even tho she looked a hot funky mess at first, she finally pulled it together to produce a nice pic. only thing is, i'ma herneed to eat just a few pieces of chicken, some hogmaws and some con'bread cuz she is like a #2 pencil with a weave. just entirely too thin, eerily thin, ribcage and chest bone protruding thin..


jade-the judges loved this pic. but i don't not just because i don't like her, but i think she looks awkward. her mouth looks like she's about to whistle or something-BLEH!


joanie-she bores me to tears when she's not taking pics and this one looks a little porny to me...but she still looks nice


nnenna-WHAT HAPPENED!?!?! she just hung there like the other dead fish caught in the net. i can't even...continue...*sniffle*


sara-someone PLEASE put her out of her befuttled misery. she's confused and unsure and looks very zoolander-ish in this pic. BLEH!


i'm gonna stick to JADE as my top pic to go home next. i'm just tired of her...but competition-wise, sara needs to get the boot also-ASAP! she has no fire, no umph, no gusto.

WHO DO YOU WANT TO SEE SENT HOME NEXT!?!?

Also, after the regular ep, there was a behind-the-scenes special with outtakes and silliness. I MUST SAY that I really enjoyed how they played jade’s dumb ass and all the made-up words and off-beat phrases she uses in attempt to sound intelligent or more important. I present the HALL OF JADE’S IG’NANCE

“most models hair is more lengthly” (her tantrum when she didn't get a long weave. instead she got the blond fro)

“my body is very proportionable” (her attempt to sell the judges on why she is a good pick for top model)

“I’m short, I’m blond and I’m unbalanced” (another tantrum when she couldn't get on the phone and needs to blow some steam after getting the fro)

“them ain’t even diamonds” (said to fufu who was wearing a child's tiara around the house)

“I’m not from this planet” (her attempt to convince everyone that she is so deep, so special, so WEIRD)

“I live in New York City, the belly of the beast” (her justification as to why she should have already BEEN a top model) - i must comment on this one because just because you MOVE to NY doesn't automatically earn you anything. you are a peon in a SEA of people. if that's the case, then i need my own show cuz i live in the spleen and work in the gallbladder of the beast and i get up er'ry day to take care of my biznazz...somebody-GIVE ME SOMETHING!!

“look at you, your face is bumpy” (her shot at fufu during the wild'n out challenge.)– OKAY…I have to object to her calling out fufu’s bad skin, cuz jade’s is truly NO BETTER. It looks like old leather…and don’t let her be without makeup-AHHHHHHH!!!! Run for cover.

“what you see is what you get, but don’t judge a book by its cover” (again, trying to sell the judges on her uniqueosity-yeah, i made that one up for her-friggin' idiot! she just talks in circles)
AND AS A SPECIAL TREAT..WITNESS THIS FOOLY GIRL FOR YOURSELF!!
CLICK HERE!!!!!!!!!

i will be mourning the loss of nnenna for the next few days, so you guys, keep hope alive and pray for my sanity *sniffle, GAG!*

Monday, April 24, 2006

The Great Exalted Ruler Succumbs and Negroes is in Charge

not too long ago, i was "asked" to attend a funeral of someone i had never met. i knew their daughter who is about 50-ish and a few of her siblings, but there was no real closeness. well, i figured, i could stop on thru the funeral, fill a seat and keep it moving. now, let me say, that i am not cool with death/dying/dead people. the idea totally creeps me out. but i was like, i'll sit in the back and dip out as soon as its over. well, negroes and their antics!!! i should have known it would not go as smoothly as i projected. please, don't get me wrong, i am not making fun of this dead person, just the foolsh ways his negronium family handled the whole ordeal. mind you, this man had 6 children. so i was slightly perplexed when my mother was asked to "speak." she's cool about speaking in public, so she never would've said no, but i was just looking like "hmmmmmmmm?" imagine my bewilderment when en route to this shindig, i was then asked to read a scripture. THE GALL!?!?! first off, i didn't even know dude, so i was shocked at this request. not cuz i get nervous standing up in front of folks, but HELLO!!! there are six of his kids that will be sitting there doing WHAT!?!?! watching? so i was like-no. i can't do that. as i pulled up to the facility, i noticed my aunt pulling up....the oddball factor here is she (a) lives in pennsylvania (b) left her job to come and (c) didn't know him either!!!! so now i'm like- hold up!!! what is the business??? why are all these randoms up in here? i was starting to feel like an extra on soul train. auntie says, she is going to sing 2-3 songs....my mouth just fell wide open. ok, so far, my mom is doing the eulogy, my aunt is singing, i was asked to read and his fam is doing what again????

now, we enter the building, which was an elks temple. now, i don't know much about the elks, but i did figure out that when i die, i do NOT want my funeral in a place like that. the walls, tables and pretty much anything wooden looked like it had been attacked by the mighty termite infantry, all chipped and ragged. it was cold and there was nothing but chairs. mind you i was on time, but there were no decorations or a casket. well, i found out he was cremated, so that explains the body. but i mean, dang, can i get a carnation up in here? some 25 minutes later, florists come stumbling in with 2 arrangments and they haphazardly threw them up on some fake greek columns. well, there you have it-INSTANT FUNERAL!! in come the elks...i would be lying if i said i didn't get a little spooked by their lingo and singing. i really didn't understand all that "almighty exalted ruler & emperor" talk and it made me very uncomfortable...but nonetheless, the show must go on. up goes auntie, then mom. after that, complete silence. so my mom, being ever the opportunist, invited any ONE of his kids to come up and say something. do you know that all of them (seated in the front row) just looked like my mom had 3 heads? you could hear a pin drop up in there. so auntie sang again and (God, forgive me) i burst out into uncontrollable laughter.

i don't even know why. maybe because i felt like this was such a sham. it felt like he had just died 2 hours ago and negroes decided to have a funeral right then and there-forget planning. forget order. forget anything but a thrown together, hot ghetto mess!!!! i continued to bow my head and attempt to get my laughing under control, and finally it was over. now, approximately seven minutes before, you could hear a pin drop...now, negroes were hooting and chit-chatting about everything under the sun as they stood in line to get a plate of green beans, and cornbread, etc. i couldn't get out of there quickly enough!!

LORD, please never let me attend another ig'nant event like again and when i die, please don't let it be anything like a poorly written tv pilot. death can be sad, but when you're dealing with the darker nation, there's no telling what you might get!!!!

dang, R.I.P. even tho i don't know your name

Thursday, April 20, 2006

I'M BAAAAAAACK!!! (AND F*CK YOU VERY MUCH!) **UPDATED:::ANTM recap below!!::**

***Ok, so first things first!!! I missed my blog la familia!!!!!! Love me, love me, say that you love me!!!!!! What a CRAY-ZAY past couple of weeks I’ve had…..there’s been laughing, crying, fights, holy-water hurling, hospital visits, cat-barf, gun-shots and of course, ANTM!!!!***

But I must post this before I even get into my real post for the day. Didn’t I post NOT TOO LONG AGO (3/30/06) about dumb azz people and their sensitive azzes in the blogiverse, getting their panties all a-bunched about what people write? Didn’t I say that folks need to chill cuz its just opinions? Didn’t I say I was too thru with the foolishness? Well, people, such a minion has wondered into miss a’s blogiverse yapping off about who-knows-what cuz I posted something that (obviously) stepped on their toes. LISTEN HERE, DUMMIES!!!!!!!! I will say this for the last time, I have a circle of folks that know how I get down. I post about everything. What I think, what I saw on tv last night, what had happened the other day and I show NO favoritism. EVERYTHING on this page is based on my re-interpretations and MY opinions….hence it being MY MUTHA-FRIGGIN blog!!! I say what I want, how I want, and if you don’t like it, travel to the top of the page and read the box entitle “All Things A…” I clearly state that the contents of this page are from MY mind, MY EVERYTHING…and if ya don’t like it, well you get the point!!!! This is not MSNBC, nor is it CNN. I am not writing a thesis, nor a book report. I do not conduct federal investigations or congress-supported speeches. Therefore, the words on this page DON’T HAVE TO BE ST. JAMES GOSPEL, THEY DON’T HAVE TO BE SUPPORTED, THEY DON’T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING EXCEPT FORM THE SENTENCES I TYPE CUZ I MUTHA-FRIGGIN FELT LIKE IT!!!! So do me a favor, if you can’t get with the program and/or agenda on this page, if you are sensitive and cry, if you are a weakling that doesn’t even have a page to stand firm on where you write YOUR OWN opinions, then GET THE FUCK OFF MINES!!!!!!!! GOT-DAMN!!!!!!!!!

Let me be CRYSTAL CLEAR!!!!!!!! I have no problems with people visiting me and opposing something I write. I always welcome different views and OPINIONS in miss a's world and can most certainly and respectfully disagree and be disagreed with...BUT, DO NOT challenge me to support my statements with facts and data from who-knows-where. DO NOT tell me to do my homework, cuz last time I checked, I don’t have to do research on what the F*CK I think….IT IS WHAT IT B*TCHES!!!!!! Now get the hell on, BACDAFUCUP and take your paper drawls with you…you’re smelling up the joint!!!!!!

P.S. bloggie that inspired this post, thanks for reading and I’m sure you’ll be back!!!
P.P.S. my regular readers and blog-fam, please pardon the harshness (ya’ll know I LOVES ya!!!!), and I will be back after these messages with my normal self AND post once my neck stops rolling, finger stops pointing and my eyes can focus on the screen.




Again, my apologies to my regular blog fam for having to wade thru the madness above…but lets keep it moving…I’ve missed 2 eps and we shall pick up where last night left off…IN BARBIE LAND!!!!!!!!!

IG’NANCE OF THE DAY:: “Deprese was really cutthroat…and I’m used to that type of cutthroatingness.” Jade about Deprese the fake model scout - ahem jade, that's not a word, boo!

The episode began with the ladies having to meet with a fake model agent/agency owner who was going to purposely give the girls some harsh feedback. Needless to say, since jade has been on her own tip since day one, she was completely UNPHASED by the negativity that the woman threw at her. Therefore she won the challenge and picked nnenna to share in her winnings. WELL CLAWD HAVE MUSSY!!!! The ladies won visits from loved ones, jade’s mom and nnenna’s whiny crying-all-the-time boyfriend john. I must have peed my pants when I saw the look of utter disgust on nnenna’s face. OH THE HILARITY!!! She looked like she wanted to just barf on his head right then and there!!!! She would have much rather seen one of her sisters!! Then of course, miss jade, ever the attention whore, TOTALLY morphed right before our eyes. She cried and clung to her mother like celie did nettie. She rubbed her face, blew tears and snot everywhere (that girl has an ugly cry face-lol) and pranced around like a fairy for the next few hours. If only it stopped there…she (all of the sudden) became so deep and introspective….since her mother “pulls energy from the universe” with her hands and centers people, jade allowed her mom to “fluff her down”. Now the “fluff-down” was pretty much some hand vibrating and twitching all over jade’s body, but the REAL gem was jade’s poetry that we were privy to while watching this debacle. “Heaven and hell…something blah blah, and THAT will be my strength. Blah bleh” GIRL PLEASE…EAT SOME CHEESE..NOT CHEDDA, MOZZERELLA!!! Now that’s poetry!!! Jade is like the WORST actress to ever be on this show…[word of advice to jade: stick to videos where you don’t speak]

Moving right along, john latched onto nnenna for the time he was there while she looked disgusted and repulsed by his very presence and the girls got a treat. TRIPS TO THE DENTIST!! Everyone just got bleached except for joanie and danielle who were supposed to get caps, joanie for the wretched snaggle tooth she has and dani for the gap that she says “is staying in her mouth cuz that’s her.” Joanie successfully got some brand new shiny teeth while dani refused to close the gap. at a later time, tyra wanted to evoke some emotion from the models, so she spritzed some kind of vapor-like solution into their eyes to make them cry. the shoot was awesome. of course, brooke was lost, fufu started off too "extra" but she calmed down. jade was doing too damn much and nnenna actually started to cry for real after the shoot...she's starting to lose momentum altogether...she's all distracted and jumbled up...i don't know what to say about her right now. Onto the shoot…BARBIE WORLD!!! The ladies had to pose as different types of dolls…….onto the pics> (oh yeah, brooke got the ax…thank heavens, she’s out of her misery)




brooke-i DO NOT like the crying pic cuz she jutted that gargantuous jaw out into the atmosphere again. her doll pic (glam doll) is BORING! she just doesn't know how to pose. glad she's off...she was really getting to me with the crying and scary demeanor!



danielle-i like the crying pic. and she worked the doll pic (marionette). the way she has her limbs hanging lifelessly really captured the essence of her doll-BRAVA!



fufu-LOVE HER CRYING PIC..she looks so sweet. DOUBLE, TRIPLE, QUADRUPLE LOVE her doll pic (rag doll) she has really stepped her game up. maybe aunt chaunceen is in it to win it after all!



jade-BLEH! the crying pic looks more mad than anything. she always furrows her brow like that which makes her look mean. her cry looks fake...hence the reason she portrayed the perfect doll for her fake self-(mannequin)...she was right at home with this one. but i must have died when she tried to (fake) cry at judging, trying to make the judges feel her "human" side, like her cry pic was real. "i been thru so much, i'm struggling..." HA HA!!! she couldn't pull of the fake cry at judging and everyone called her on it...AH HA! miss jay called her a bad actor...cut it out jade!




joanie- i really like her crying pic...she really looks like she was crying for real on some personal ish. her doll pic (ventriloquist dummy) is funny. she looks so quirky! thank the heavens for cosmetic dentistry....she is 10 times better now!



nnennna-liking/loving the crying pic. maybe cuz i know she was really struggling and crying...don't know. it just looks painful to me. reminds me of the nnenna of yore. HATE the doll pic. can we say B-O-R-E-D!?!?!?!



sara-dont like the crying...she looks mad. her doll (teen doll) is just confusing...she's not owning the look. but she wasn't as bad as brooke.

NOW, my vote for who goes home next is JADE, JADE, JADE!!!!! she's been in the bottom two like 17 times...it's her time!

WHO DO YOU WANT TO SEE GO NEXT?!

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

VIVA LAS VEGAS!!!!!!!!!




blog fam, my plantation is sending me to vegas....so my posts will be sparse. i will try my darndest to at least do my re-caps and one other post, but me maketh no promises.....i'm feelin' good!! leavin my hood!!!! on my way....to sunny days!!!!!!! WHOOPEE!!!! i will miss my bf like crazy (he's prolly excited to have a break from me :-P), my cat-baby and actin' a fool via the blogiverse but i'ma post something...they just may be later than normal. stay tuned-LOVE YA BLOGGIES!!!!!

VIVA LAS VEGAS!!!!!!!!

Monday, April 03, 2006

Ya'll got it twisted...This Ain't Share-a-Slave!!!!!!

*first, let me say thank you to my blog la familia for riding with me thru all of my adventures! even when i'm buggin out, you guys are still the shizz-nit and will keep it 100!!! thanx guys!!!! with that said, please excuse that ranting post i had last week. as you could read, i had just had my fill of the foolishness and i felt cool blogging about it to ya'll-YAYEE YAYEE!!*

WORD OF THE DAY:: absurd (adj)-contrary to reason

now, as you already know, i work in the slave industry with a ridiculously backwards-*ss slave master. well, as i was toiling away doing my job, massa's brother comes in with him and kicks up his feet like HE runs something around here. see, i work alone pretty much all day. massa is away 85% of the time and when he is here, he goes to his space and i stay in mine on completely opposite ends. we rarely pow-wow & ish...we just do what we're supposed to do-but SEPARATELY. thats how i like it since we don't agree with each other half the time anyways. now, brotha jenkins sits down in MY space and at first, i was cool, but i do NOT like people to get too close to me or stare at me as i work. i think its rude. so i'm becoming agitated cuz i'm like-WHAT!?!?! do you need something!?!?!?!

well, bro says, "yeah, i gave this girl your number and when she calls, tell her that i'm out in the field conducting business, i'll be in and out all day, ask for her info and leave it for me with massa." after i blinked about 58 times, had a sip of water and shook my head as if to clear my ears, i said-"HUH!?!?!?!" he repeated that whole request and i responded with "SAY WHAT!?!?!" so we started the stare-down. he looked at me as if he were shocked, and i looked at him as if he were crazy. this lasted for about 24 seconds. surely he would understand why i felt this request was absurd. then i began my speil-
"no disrepect, bro. jenkins, but (1) do NOT give people my number! (2) do NOT give people my number on some personal ish (3) you don't even WORK HERE. so i don't know where all this-he's-in-the-field-conducting-business crap is coming from! (4) i am not a personal messaging center. (5) i get PAID to do whatever it is i do here. (6) you do not pay me to do anything, therefore you SHANT make any requests of me (7) if your brother doesn't mind you piggy-backing off of this office and our faculties, thats him...but i do not shuck & jive for anyone, not even him (8) i'm not trying to be nasty, but i am at work-not PLAY, not catch-a-girl, get-a-girl, not impress the scamps on the street by fooling with my job, not doing little "favors," or playing on the damn phone-but WORK. any non-work will be decided on by me i do NOT receive compensation to participate in games, jollies, or tom-foolery (9) the fact that you have to make up this cock-a-mamie story already let's me know that you are on some immature, waste of my time ish and i don't endorse that in the workplace and (10) YA'LL HAVE IT TWISTED, HUH!?!?! THIS AIN'T SHARE-A-SLAVE or SLAVES-R-US or RENT/SLAVE!!!! i have ONE massa and i don't cosign his silliness! so your request has been DENIED! please take any queries to the office down the hall on the left and leave me to complete the wonderful cotton-gathering that i do!

needless to say, he mumbled something as he headed down the hall...i'm sure ready to rally for my dismissal-but it will never happen. this place would go straight to hell without me. i know it, massa knows it, his shiftless brother (now) knows it and NOW, i gotta make this random chick who doesn't know me but who's gonna call me aware of the fact that MISS A. DON'T PLAY!!!!!!



----------------------------------------------------------------------
*UPDATE* thanks to OLAWUNMI, i have been tagged :-P

Rules:If I tag you, you have to do the following:1. The tagged victim must come up with 10 different points of their perfect lover.2. Need to mention gender of target.3. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment saying they've been tagged.4. If tagged again, there's no need to post a 2nd time.

ok, so my victim, or shall i say target is male. and the 10 points of my perfect lover would be as follows (in no particular order):

1. understanding-you should always consider the other person's perspective

2. honest/trusting-HONEST, not just in the sense of lying, but about being forthright about their thoughts and how they feel about a situation when its relevant and TRUSTING, not just in each other but in our relationship

3. intelligent-i don't want anyone thats dumb as a box of rocks-what would we talk about?

4. ambitious-i cannot drag someone along with what i have in mind...have something going for yourself

5. thoughtful-PLEASE take a few moments to really mull over some things. do not do things in haste or impulsively, but take some TIME to let things marinate and act accordingly

6. caring-i need to know that i matter, along with the things that matter to me. show it, give effort, come outside of your box and join me in loving embraces, sweet moments, and times that only would mean something to us

7. respectful-i believe in gender roles and i DEMAND the same amount of respect i am willing to give, no matter what the situation

8. at LEAST on my level (but preferrably better off)-puh-lease, no mcdonalds frie makers, no bus-riders, no cardboard box dwellers, no baby-mama drama.....please have an education and some goals

9. unconditional/non-judgmental-someone who realizes that anything worth having is worth fighting for, so bouncing when the road gets rough is not cool in my book. i know i am and will forever be a work-in-progress, but i need support and to know that even though i have some stuff going on, you love me through it all and KNOW that i only extend the same courtesy to you

10. GOD-fearing....to denounce/ignore/downplay the presence of GOD and the blessings he bestows upon us every day is of maximum ignorance and the household cannot be on one accord if we are unequally yoked

I'm tagging:
JAMEIL
THE "L"
SHENEHNEH
SHAWN
SOULFULL
STEPHEN
YAZ
NICHELLE