The Great Exalted Ruler Succumbs and Negroes is in Charge

not too long ago, i was "asked" to attend a funeral of someone i had never met. i knew their daughter who is about 50-ish and a few of her siblings, but there was no real closeness. well, i figured, i could stop on thru the funeral, fill a seat and keep it moving. now, let me say, that i am not cool with death/dying/dead people. the idea totally creeps me out. but i was like, i'll sit in the back and dip out as soon as its over. well, negroes and their antics!!! i should have known it would not go as smoothly as i projected. please, don't get me wrong, i am not making fun of this dead person, just the foolsh ways his negronium family handled the whole ordeal. mind you, this man had 6 children. so i was slightly perplexed when my mother was asked to "speak." she's cool about speaking in public, so she never would've said no, but i was just looking like "hmmmmmmmm?" imagine my bewilderment when en route to this shindig, i was then asked to read a scripture. THE GALL!?!?! first off, i didn't even know dude, so i was shocked at this request. not cuz i get nervous standing up in front of folks, but HELLO!!! there are six of his kids that will be sitting there doing WHAT!?!?! watching? so i was like-no. i can't do that. as i pulled up to the facility, i noticed my aunt pulling up....the oddball factor here is she (a) lives in pennsylvania (b) left her job to come and (c) didn't know him either!!!! so now i'm like- hold up!!! what is the business??? why are all these randoms up in here? i was starting to feel like an extra on soul train. auntie says, she is going to sing 2-3 songs....my mouth just fell wide open. ok, so far, my mom is doing the eulogy, my aunt is singing, i was asked to read and his fam is doing what again????

now, we enter the building, which was an elks temple. now, i don't know much about the elks, but i did figure out that when i die, i do NOT want my funeral in a place like that. the walls, tables and pretty much anything wooden looked like it had been attacked by the mighty termite infantry, all chipped and ragged. it was cold and there was nothing but chairs. mind you i was on time, but there were no decorations or a casket. well, i found out he was cremated, so that explains the body. but i mean, dang, can i get a carnation up in here? some 25 minutes later, florists come stumbling in with 2 arrangments and they haphazardly threw them up on some fake greek columns. well, there you have it-INSTANT FUNERAL!! in come the elks...i would be lying if i said i didn't get a little spooked by their lingo and singing. i really didn't understand all that "almighty exalted ruler & emperor" talk and it made me very uncomfortable...but nonetheless, the show must go on. up goes auntie, then mom. after that, complete silence. so my mom, being ever the opportunist, invited any ONE of his kids to come up and say something. do you know that all of them (seated in the front row) just looked like my mom had 3 heads? you could hear a pin drop up in there. so auntie sang again and (God, forgive me) i burst out into uncontrollable laughter.

i don't even know why. maybe because i felt like this was such a sham. it felt like he had just died 2 hours ago and negroes decided to have a funeral right then and there-forget planning. forget order. forget anything but a thrown together, hot ghetto mess!!!! i continued to bow my head and attempt to get my laughing under control, and finally it was over. now, approximately seven minutes before, you could hear a pin drop...now, negroes were hooting and chit-chatting about everything under the sun as they stood in line to get a plate of green beans, and cornbread, etc. i couldn't get out of there quickly enough!!

LORD, please never let me attend another ig'nant event like again and when i die, please don't let it be anything like a poorly written tv pilot. death can be sad, but when you're dealing with the darker nation, there's no telling what you might get!!!!

dang, R.I.P. even tho i don't know your name