Massa's A B*tch and Conchita's Goin' Down!!!!!
*WARNING! some of the following language may be found offensive*
lawd, help me....as my profile reads (and for those who do not know), i am a servant in the slavery industry. this is my profession. i am a slave to a senile, dim-witted misogynist and i only remain in this enviroment because the trade-off is worth it for me. altho i frequently have bouts and shouting matches with my massa, i have managed to stay here for 2 years...but on friday, massa jenkins lost his little damn piece of mind.
usually i work a regular 40 hour week. sometimes, i have late days and my hours worked exceeds 40. to provide some background, massa jenkins told me in december that i could work monday thru thursday and have fridays off...which sounded like heaven for me...YAY!! a 3-day weekend!! i just had to make sure i worked my hours, so of course, i was like-COOL! and basically work four 10-hour days. that has been the case for 3 months now. well, lately, we've been butting heads because as i said, he's extremely senile, stubborn, old-school and (i believe) slightly sexist. he's one of those people where if i suggest to eat tacos today, he'll say-"eww..i don't want no damn tacos." then 10 minutes later, he'll say "by george, i've got it, we should have tacos today!" if he didn't think of it, then it's useless-which i have a huge problem with because he's stuck in 1972 and refuses to join me in the millennium. in that regard, he does not know how to fax, operate a computer, or even set up a conference call. bad because he's like my old, wrinkled gray-haired baby...good because that makes me indespensable for the smallest of things but even moreso, for the big things that i am responsible for. anyhoos, we've been beefing a lot because i've been trying to implement some methods that i feel would be most efficient and he insists on interrupting or denouncing them all because he didn't think of them. also, since he is having time-warp brain freeze, he doesn't understand my logic, gets confused and usually suggests doing things the long and drawn out way-hence enhancing the look of productivity. that is a no-no for me, because i'm all about doing things right the first time and maximizing time spent, but he's used to talking, talking, talking, shucking, jiving, and tiring people out so by the time things need to be done, they are so worn out, they're so happy for it to be over. because i had grown tired of his menial ways, i decided to stop speaking to him last week. (also because he won't give me a computer i want that is sitting right here collecting dust, but because i asked, of course, the answer's "no") he went crazy. it was driving him nuts for me to ignore him or write notes if i had to communicate something, but i was cutting down on my stress levels since talking to him is like talking to my cat, miss starr jonez. as the week progressed, i really started to enjoy the quiet, just doing my work and not finding myself in the middle of 3rd grade banter. well, thursday as i prepared to leave, he raised some dumb azz point to me and i refuted it from at least 7 different angles, which really pissed him off. but-oh well! so at 8:30 friday morning (my day off), i received a phone call from him and since i've told him not to call me unless there was an emergency, i ignored it. then i listened to the voice mail.
Massa Jenkins: yeah slave, this friday thing isn't working...i think you should go back to the old schedule. call me back so we can talk about it.
Miss A.: OH HELL NAW!!!!!!!!!!! (dials number back)
Massa Jenkins: Good morning
Miss A.: this ain't no good got-damn morning. i got your stupid azz message. what are you talking about?
Massa Jenkins: yeah, i don't think this is working. i just think you should go back to your old schedule. last night bothered me and i was upset cuz we just aren't seeing eye to eye. i don't like the idea of work just sitting here over the weekend and friday...that's too long.
Miss A.: you know what? you are so full of sh*t!!!! first of all, if i DID go back to my old schedule, no extra work would get down cuz 40 hours is 40 hours and i would stretch my four days of work over 5 days, so if you just want to physically see me toiling away looking like i'm doing something-just know that i would remain at my present work pace. which brings me to my next point of why the hell i would NEVER return to that schedule because it doesn't matter what days i work, as long as i'm working the time i'm supposed to. if i work 7 days a week, or if i work 2 days, 40 equals 40, so the same amount of work would be accomplished. which brings me to my next point of this is so not about work getting done...this is about the fact that you hate that i am so outspoken. you hate that when you say "jump" i don't ask "how high." you hate that i am not on your tip and that i'm young and fresh and innovative. you hate that i have great relationships with our clients and that i can keep up with the big boys and you need me just to access their frickin' emails!!!!
Massa Jenkins: i dont want to talk about this anymore!!! why you gotta be so nasty all the time?!?!
Miss A.: cuz i am tired of you insulting my intelligence, treating me like my name is stanley or something. my name is Miss A. and when you bought me at the auction block...you knew i was a ball of FIRE...that's why you wanted me in your fields. so you can't front on my cotton pickin' skills just cuz i don't follow behind your backwards azz all day. and if you didn't want to talk about it now, why the hell did you call and wake me up on my day off-idiot?!?!?!
Massa Jenkins: see, thats what i'm talking about!! i wanted to talk to you cuz it was bothering me...but you get all loud and talk like that and i don't want to talk anymore.
Miss A.: of course, you fan the flames but don't want to extinguish the fire. you make me sick. i am not a silly beyatch!!! i've hung in there when your psycho ho was stalking me, i listen to your back-woods logic every day, i take the good with all the bad and u come at me like i'm a field hand-well, i'm a house n*gga and i REFUSE!!! i WILL NOT go back to my old schedule-PEACE!!!
needless to say, we are not speaking again this morning...but i do NOT GIVE A F*CK CUZ I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!!! (sidebar::honestly, sometimes i'm surprised i still even have a job cuz i talk to him like that...but honestly, he needs me. so he knows he has to put up with my mouth just like i have to put up with his idiocy...but damn, it irks me that i even have to go there with him-OH WELL!)
moving on, i am currently being sued by some burrito breath, fried banana head, no-speaky-good-ingles mexican broad with whom i had had a small vehicular collison in 2003. yes, 2003!!! i am livid!!!! let's call her conchita, for anonymity's sake. well, miss conchita, technically hit me when i was pushed into an intersection. because she was acting fool after said collision, i immediately went to her aid, which enabled the person whose car pushed me to flee the scene. because there were no witnesses, it is my word against hers and all of the sudden, conchita can barely walk...even tho i saw her in court in 2003 and she was fine. and my mum called her sombrero-wearing son a few days after this accident to see how she was and he said she was fine. now in 2006, conchita is blind, crippled and knocking on death's door because of ME!?!?! well, i think not!!! i answered my interrogatories friday and am getting ready for my deposition cuz this ho has me sooooo twisted!!!!! not to mention, she's 117 years old (technically she's 65) so the chances of her having prior issues with ailing health, scoliosis, osteoporosis, arthritis, jaundice, leprosy and who knows what else is extremely high cuz she's old as dirt......let's get ready to rumble!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Miss A. ain't goin' out like that!!!!!!
P.S. who can beleieve HOOPZ won Flavor of Love?!?!? i am shocked!!! damn, i was sooooooooo looking forward to strange love 2: life in the big apple with new york's crazy azz!!!!!!!! guess we'll have to wait and see what hoopz boring, masculine azz will do-gosh, there's just nothing to believe in anymore.
lawd, help me....as my profile reads (and for those who do not know), i am a servant in the slavery industry. this is my profession. i am a slave to a senile, dim-witted misogynist and i only remain in this enviroment because the trade-off is worth it for me. altho i frequently have bouts and shouting matches with my massa, i have managed to stay here for 2 years...but on friday, massa jenkins lost his little damn piece of mind.
usually i work a regular 40 hour week. sometimes, i have late days and my hours worked exceeds 40. to provide some background, massa jenkins told me in december that i could work monday thru thursday and have fridays off...which sounded like heaven for me...YAY!! a 3-day weekend!! i just had to make sure i worked my hours, so of course, i was like-COOL! and basically work four 10-hour days. that has been the case for 3 months now. well, lately, we've been butting heads because as i said, he's extremely senile, stubborn, old-school and (i believe) slightly sexist. he's one of those people where if i suggest to eat tacos today, he'll say-"eww..i don't want no damn tacos." then 10 minutes later, he'll say "by george, i've got it, we should have tacos today!" if he didn't think of it, then it's useless-which i have a huge problem with because he's stuck in 1972 and refuses to join me in the millennium. in that regard, he does not know how to fax, operate a computer, or even set up a conference call. bad because he's like my old, wrinkled gray-haired baby...good because that makes me indespensable for the smallest of things but even moreso, for the big things that i am responsible for. anyhoos, we've been beefing a lot because i've been trying to implement some methods that i feel would be most efficient and he insists on interrupting or denouncing them all because he didn't think of them. also, since he is having time-warp brain freeze, he doesn't understand my logic, gets confused and usually suggests doing things the long and drawn out way-hence enhancing the look of productivity. that is a no-no for me, because i'm all about doing things right the first time and maximizing time spent, but he's used to talking, talking, talking, shucking, jiving, and tiring people out so by the time things need to be done, they are so worn out, they're so happy for it to be over. because i had grown tired of his menial ways, i decided to stop speaking to him last week. (also because he won't give me a computer i want that is sitting right here collecting dust, but because i asked, of course, the answer's "no") he went crazy. it was driving him nuts for me to ignore him or write notes if i had to communicate something, but i was cutting down on my stress levels since talking to him is like talking to my cat, miss starr jonez. as the week progressed, i really started to enjoy the quiet, just doing my work and not finding myself in the middle of 3rd grade banter. well, thursday as i prepared to leave, he raised some dumb azz point to me and i refuted it from at least 7 different angles, which really pissed him off. but-oh well! so at 8:30 friday morning (my day off), i received a phone call from him and since i've told him not to call me unless there was an emergency, i ignored it. then i listened to the voice mail.
Massa Jenkins: yeah slave, this friday thing isn't working...i think you should go back to the old schedule. call me back so we can talk about it.
Miss A.: OH HELL NAW!!!!!!!!!!! (dials number back)
Massa Jenkins: Good morning
Miss A.: this ain't no good got-damn morning. i got your stupid azz message. what are you talking about?
Massa Jenkins: yeah, i don't think this is working. i just think you should go back to your old schedule. last night bothered me and i was upset cuz we just aren't seeing eye to eye. i don't like the idea of work just sitting here over the weekend and friday...that's too long.
Miss A.: you know what? you are so full of sh*t!!!! first of all, if i DID go back to my old schedule, no extra work would get down cuz 40 hours is 40 hours and i would stretch my four days of work over 5 days, so if you just want to physically see me toiling away looking like i'm doing something-just know that i would remain at my present work pace. which brings me to my next point of why the hell i would NEVER return to that schedule because it doesn't matter what days i work, as long as i'm working the time i'm supposed to. if i work 7 days a week, or if i work 2 days, 40 equals 40, so the same amount of work would be accomplished. which brings me to my next point of this is so not about work getting done...this is about the fact that you hate that i am so outspoken. you hate that when you say "jump" i don't ask "how high." you hate that i am not on your tip and that i'm young and fresh and innovative. you hate that i have great relationships with our clients and that i can keep up with the big boys and you need me just to access their frickin' emails!!!!
Massa Jenkins: i dont want to talk about this anymore!!! why you gotta be so nasty all the time?!?!
Miss A.: cuz i am tired of you insulting my intelligence, treating me like my name is stanley or something. my name is Miss A. and when you bought me at the auction block...you knew i was a ball of FIRE...that's why you wanted me in your fields. so you can't front on my cotton pickin' skills just cuz i don't follow behind your backwards azz all day. and if you didn't want to talk about it now, why the hell did you call and wake me up on my day off-idiot?!?!?!
Massa Jenkins: see, thats what i'm talking about!! i wanted to talk to you cuz it was bothering me...but you get all loud and talk like that and i don't want to talk anymore.
Miss A.: of course, you fan the flames but don't want to extinguish the fire. you make me sick. i am not a silly beyatch!!! i've hung in there when your psycho ho was stalking me, i listen to your back-woods logic every day, i take the good with all the bad and u come at me like i'm a field hand-well, i'm a house n*gga and i REFUSE!!! i WILL NOT go back to my old schedule-PEACE!!!
needless to say, we are not speaking again this morning...but i do NOT GIVE A F*CK CUZ I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!!! (sidebar::honestly, sometimes i'm surprised i still even have a job cuz i talk to him like that...but honestly, he needs me. so he knows he has to put up with my mouth just like i have to put up with his idiocy...but damn, it irks me that i even have to go there with him-OH WELL!)
moving on, i am currently being sued by some burrito breath, fried banana head, no-speaky-good-ingles mexican broad with whom i had had a small vehicular collison in 2003. yes, 2003!!! i am livid!!!! let's call her conchita, for anonymity's sake. well, miss conchita, technically hit me when i was pushed into an intersection. because she was acting fool after said collision, i immediately went to her aid, which enabled the person whose car pushed me to flee the scene. because there were no witnesses, it is my word against hers and all of the sudden, conchita can barely walk...even tho i saw her in court in 2003 and she was fine. and my mum called her sombrero-wearing son a few days after this accident to see how she was and he said she was fine. now in 2006, conchita is blind, crippled and knocking on death's door because of ME!?!?! well, i think not!!! i answered my interrogatories friday and am getting ready for my deposition cuz this ho has me sooooo twisted!!!!! not to mention, she's 117 years old (technically she's 65) so the chances of her having prior issues with ailing health, scoliosis, osteoporosis, arthritis, jaundice, leprosy and who knows what else is extremely high cuz she's old as dirt......let's get ready to rumble!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Miss A. ain't goin' out like that!!!!!!
P.S. who can beleieve HOOPZ won Flavor of Love?!?!? i am shocked!!! damn, i was sooooooooo looking forward to strange love 2: life in the big apple with new york's crazy azz!!!!!!!! guess we'll have to wait and see what hoopz boring, masculine azz will do-gosh, there's just nothing to believe in anymore.
posted by Mrs A. at 8:18 AM
22 Comments:
And how are you really feeling about all of this? LMAO!
Yes, you and 'Massa' have a peculiar relationship to say the least. :)
You know, I wanted NY to win on Flava too because that would've mad a great part 2 because she is crazy!! Hoopz is cute, but a little masculine. I agree.
Wrecks suck. Someone always ends up in court wearing a neck brace.
i understand my boss tries sometimes as well. then i have to quickly check him. but gurl u top me by far. ur crazy. i respect that. but be easy cause he is still ur boss. i understand u demand respect but easy my gurl easy!
the frustrations of a workday...I know all to well about "Massa"
@ the L-one word..UGH!!!!!!
@ stephen-peculiar, yes, i kinda tread on thin ice cuz he's a friend of a friend and we fight like cats & dogs, yet he won't fire me (not that i want
him to :-P)...lol-and damn, damn, damn to hoopz over New York
@ awe-i almost wish that old coot was hurt, with her ancient azz!!! ARGH!!!
@ sweetness-he doesn't understand easy....some folks only get it when you click on 'em, so i clicks like a crazy chick
@ professor-a job ain't nothin' but work...and massa makes it worse-BOO! :-)
"like my name is Stanley..."
Why you gotta make me fall out on the floor like that?
I seriously feel you tho. It's why I know I can't work anywhere else.
Whew.
::panting::
I am physically tired after reading your post, girl! I dont see how you let someone tap into your energy like that...that's the only reason he continues to try you.
You were doing good by not saying anything and just doing your work! Stay strong and demand respect by giving respect. No one can be ugly to someone constantly being pleasant.
DITTO on Flavor of Love! I would NEVER watch another season of him and Hoopz!
@ m dubb-LOL...u know i had to get my 'boomerang' on...he had it twisted!!!
@ sylvia-girl, i hear ya...but sadly, i have tried all avenues, thats why i exploded...tried the quiet, tried the professional, tried the sweet, tried the assertive...always the same bullish, so i unleashed the beast!!!!!!!! and SOME people still are buttheads no matter how nice the other person is-like my massa...i think he took my kindness for weakness. nonetheless, we'll see what happens
:-)
LMBO girl you surprised you still have a job? Me too! LOL falling out....
Your musical selections are always on point.
My advice for everything: ‘Shank his ass!’
‘Which brings me to my next point…that picture had me cracking up because it reminds me of some crazy mofos I know.
NY should have won, fuck that, I’m writing a letter to Viacom tomorrow lol
How dare you compare my daughter in law with that senile old man!
NEW YORK'S ASS DODGED A BULLET!!
She like everyone woman on this planet at one time or another fell for a man who was no where near worthy of her.
Flav picked Hoopz because he is used to hanging around with dudes, and Hoopz is more man than a lot of men.
Hope everything is well besides the craziness at work.
@ ms. na-i guess my hook-ups are good beyond the original intentions...lol
@ D.O.M.-YAYEE-YAYEE!!!!!! i have the mental pic every day of taking him out...but for real, sign my name to your petition cuz they robbed us of some quality potential entertainment...but NY is gonna act a monkey on the reunion special, so i'll look forward to that.
@ shawn-aw snap, that was jacked up of me to speak of little missy in comparison to him, wasn't it? and LOL at hoopz manly azz!!!!!!
I was driving with my boy thru Texas; stopping in Houston and got on the celly to find out how to get to an Embassy Suites. Who answers the phone and gives us the most riduculous directions? We called her Consuela. Why have a "mis ingles es asi-asi" person answer your phone?!?! We finally arrived at ES in downtown Houston and she laughed as we walked in talking about "it took us long enough." Mira chica, Callate! (Look chick, shut-up!)I had to calm B down and the only reason we stayed was b/c it took us long enough to get there and it was walking distance to the Galleria Mall =)
@ stacie-LOL at consuela...doesnt that mess kill you?!?!?!!
Miss A what is good? Hoopz aint wit Flav for love, that chic is tryna boost her career...watch--mark my words they will be broken up quicker than it takes a lier to lie between 2 drops of rain....................................and thats fast
Wow...that was a lot to digest. I need your courage because I could never speak to my boss like that.
I was shocked hoopz won too. Before the finale, I kept thinking "if hoopz wins I hope NY gives us a classic final confessional." Well, I am quite disappointed with the way NY conducted herself. It left me wanting...
Flav and NY's version of meet the parents reality tv show woulda been classic. Maybe Flav and VH-1 will explore that idea inspite of him choosing Hoopz.
You and massa jenkins sound so cute.
@ yaz-thats my point exactly, we know they aren't in love, but NY and flav make better tv. BOO! to hoopz
@ spchrist-he pushed me, i swear that's the "other" me
@ shawn-NY better bring something to the table cuz i am so disappointed..maybe she really will fight pumkin on the reunion special..lets hope
Whew, I can feel the heat coming off the words you've typed! It sure would have been cool to see that strange love! LOL!
Wow... I wish I could tell you how much I can relate.
I felt every single word.
@ soulfull-hot like FIYAH!!!!!! LOL...i swear, my mouth is the worst!!!
@ nos-i know many can...i'm just glad that i can get away with speaking like that (sometimes)
:-P
Post a Comment
<< Home