Use Me Up, USE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

"men use women, women use men...you just gon' have to accept the fact that you gon' be used" - juanita (tyrese's mother) from baby boy

so i was sitting around chit-chatting with mom and bf about some people i used to associate with. there were some funny stories and there was some bitterness. have you ever been used, and i mean, BLATANTLY used and you just went along with it? well, i have. now, before everyone gets out their ginsu knives to slit my throat.....the purpose of this post is to see where you guys stand on this particular subject. along with my little anecdote, i will attempt to tie in a serious topic that was on a popular tv show this week.

MY LITTLE STORY: i knew this chick since i was about 11 years old. we weren't close, but we spoke whenever we saw each other. well, she is getting married. i am invited. i accept. there is a "bridal gathering" the night before the wedding. i (and my best friend) arrive and see a lot of materials and arts & crafts stuff. the godmother of this chick tries to get everyone pumped by exclaiming "we're gonna make the flower arrangements tonight-YAY!" i look at friend, she looks at me and we're like whatever. somehow, the group gets separated...leaving me and friend on one side of the room and the other ladies at the other preparing to play games. we are then buried in fake flowers, scissors, ribbon, etc and asked to make bouquets, etc. now, i'm like-WTF!?!?! not that i wanted to kick it with the other girls (cuz i didn't like them anyway) but i did not come to work. AND they didn't even have wire cutters, so i was supposed to "cut" wire with scissors-yeah right. but friend and i were like-well, let's just be nice. the godmother then tried to console me by saying "you're an artist, you can do it better than us." i just hung my head and pulled some type of floral concoctions from the air and left long after everyone else. WEDDING DAY: i arrive at the godmother's house, looking fresh to death in a fly black pantsuit. as soon as my toe hits the doorstep, i am whisked away in to the kitchen. "hey, miss a, could you make the wedding cake? you're an artist, you would do better than us. the cakes are done, but they need to be turned into a wedding cake." i'm thrown an apron, some icing, a knife and left in the kitchen. i drag friend in there with me, completely in awe at this request.
1-i don't really like these people in the first place. 2-i am dressed to attend a wedding, not work at one. 3-i already went above and beyond the night before. 4-i thought about the bride who did not know her trifling people left her wedding day in shambles, all unorganized. 5-i had compassion for her and decided to try to make a wedding cake, even tho i had never done such a thing. 6-i could have kicked myself 20 times for always allowing myself to get suckered into situations like this. 7-they were right, i am an artist-i PAINT, i'm not a florist or cake-maker 8-i just shut up and tried o pull a cake frrom thin air, 3 rectangles of lumpy sweetness and inadequate utensils. after i had gotten into a groove, i was ushered into the laundry room so no one would see my masterpiece...so there friend and i stood, squeezed into a closet sized room, trying to finish up the cake and keep any MORE white stuff from landing on our clothes.

after we were done, i stood at the back of the house and witnessed this mess and left as soon as it was over. i was so mad-but why? i let these leeches take advantage. but i was still shocked at their gall. i was disgusted at their nerve. i was pissed at their negronium ways of not being prepared and using passers-by to pull them out of the fire. BLEH!

now...that experience was not monumental. but it did make me reflect upon the tyra banks show and a guest she had on this past week. a young black girl named shelley who said she hated black people, especially women. she said she herself was not black, for she was just a person. she hated the fat, chicken-eating loud, ghetto girls who were jealous, hateful, lazy and ugly. she said that black women always use you, they are envious and back-stabbing. she went on and on about how much she detested black women.....and i must say, i agreed with her. *ginsu knives sharpening* now, while she was a little extra on her descriptions and unnecessarily vulgar in her generalizations, i totally identified with SOME of the things she said, altho most of them were stated very poorly and none were supported by any of her own personal examples. let me say....i agreed with her in the regard that OVERALL, my experiences with black women have been more negative than positive. most of my life, it seems as if i have been the target of pettiness, judgments and envy. i have been used, dogged out, back stabbed, neck stabbed and eye stabbed like you wouldn't believe and the most painful occurences were at the hands of sistas. i can't tell you how many times i've walked in a room, down a hall, sat down somewhere or drove by and had the infamous EYE ROLL, NECK SWIVLE and TEETH SUCK, like "hmmmfff, she thank she cute" i could have been flawless from head to toe, but these types of sistas would create something to hate on...a reason to try and tear me down. or perhaps you know the ones like my college roommate who i lived with for a whole year, along with her sister, and she would NOT speak to me. she would look me dead in my face and roll her eyes...finally, once we were preparing to move out, her sister told me that she hated me because of my hair. how foolish was this? now, yes, if you wanted to be technical, she had very dry, lifeless, crusty hair that just hung there like an old broke down broom ...but instead of going to the salon and getting some conditioner, a cut AND style that worked for her, she hated me for the texture of my hair...that which i did not control...that which was defined by my parents and my DNA. i won't even get started on the whole black women & hair thing, but that really offended me because here i was, thinking i did something to her and she HATED me because of my hair?
why can't you be fly with your hair and i be fly with mine? if you rock your hair like blaine edwards from men on films/books on in living color-the bald head with just a curl in the front with a little hat, then that's YOUR business-WORK IT!)
so in regard to what shelly was saying, i felt her. i felt her on being tired of overlooking other people's insecurities AND playing their whipping post. i am tired of the silly ways that some black women will FIND a way to stay at each other's throat, rather than compliment one another. or even keep your damn mouth shut if you can't be nice....but OH NO!!!
it's like we're all born into a secret fight club and you can either leave (at the other member's ridicule and dismay) or renew your membership year after year. i'm tired of being judged by classless and egregious skanks who are jealous of where i am and where they're not OR uppity, snooty skanks who don't think there's enough room for more than one black woman to be fabulous besides herself and look at me like competition instead of a co-star.
with that being said, i have given up on the ideal that one day we will all sing kum-by-ah and braid each other's hair while roasting marshmallows. AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!! as much as i wish it, dream it, hope it-FUGGITABOWDIT!!!!!! and i'm cool with that......cuz i no longer allow myself to fall into the traps. you will NOT use me and treat me like my name is stanley after you get what you want. you will NOT be in my circle thinking you are flying below the radar, but secretly rooting for negativity and my demise. you will NOT call yourself my friend and compare yourself to me or judge me. i say-EFF IT ALL!!!

now, don't cry for me argentina! i did not say these things for sympathy...i shared them so that when i say i agree with some of the things shelley said, it could shed some light as to why. as to those that know me personally, it will make sense as to why i no longer over-extend myself in the hopes that two adult black women can come together in harmony. if it happens, cool. if not, cool too! but i no longer TRY to get it. i no longer WONDER what i could do to get someone to stop acting a fool and be nice or at least show some reciprocity. i don't feel bad when another sista is in the zone and is insisting on being my arch-nemesis. i am not saying that no other race of women do things like this-but i am black, most of my experiences are within the black community and with black women, so that is where i am coming from.

"women could have ruled the world by now. but they don't....cuz WOMEN HATE WOMEN" - chris rock

can i change that? "women could have ruled the world by now. but they don't cuz (some) black women LOATHE, HATE, AND DETEST EACH OTHER LIKE A SICKNESS"- Miss A.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?