All Good Things.....

well, i will agree with you all before i even say my piece - i stink!

i must take a leave of absence as prescribed by my doctor, so this here blog is one of the things that will suffer. it stinks, but it's true. i've had so much fun doing this blog and was looking forward to getting back on track, but i must do what i must do. thank all of you guys for your support and readership all this time.

truly,

mrs. a

Aw, Freak it!!!

was gonna do a real post....

computer ate it up....

so, freak it....

just make sure you watch spike lee's documentary on hurricane katrina "when the levees broke" tonight on HBO

Where's the Justice?

ok, so you guys remember the craziness that i had to endure at my old apartment, right? well, today's post is dedicated to the slimy piece of crap known as my ex-slumlord. for remembrance's sake, he was trying to rush me out of the apartment cuz he didn't like me. he offered me a lop-sided lease KNOWING i would object to it and leave which is what i did..................but there's more

ok, so after i had my lawyer serve him a letter stating how i relaized his antics were all in retaliation for personally disliking me and calling the city on him (when he ignored my water complaint), he got real scared, almost like a little puppy dog. he called me wanting to "negotiate." he requested that we not get lawyers involved and he then offered me the same type of lease he was advertising for instead of the crazy lease he offered me with almost $200 in extras that he just made up to screw me over. well, needless to say, i was not interested in making any deals with him to stay there since he made it painstakingly clear what type of dude he is. BUT, i did have a few requests in exchange for calling my lawyer off. 1-he needed to make up his mind and put in writing what he wanted to do about the construction i did in the apartment b/c the original agreement was that i return the apartment to its original condition when i leave, but when he was showing it to prospective tenants, he was offering it to them as if it was gonna stay. AND if he wanted it, he had to pay me for the materials it cost to build it. 2-i wanted US to do a walk-thru of the apartment together and have him sign off on the condition in front of me cuz i didn't trust him to do it after i left cuz he was liable to say i had a donkey hanging from a hole in the ceiling and find ways to subtract from my security deposit AND LASTLY, i wanted my security IN FULL on the day i was leaving instead waiting the 30 days that landlords are entitled to take when returning it. why? same reason as #2, i didn't trust him to return it to me IN FULL after i left cuz once i did my part of the deal, i KNEW he would try to find ways to not give me my money.

WELL, peoples, he agreed very willingly to these terms as long as i left and stopped the lawyer action. i still didn't trust him so i put it all on paper and asked him to sign it. he practically ran for the hills, saying there was no need to sign anything, we had an agreement, blah blah blah-it's all good. you can see where i'm going with this, OF COURSE when the day comes to do the walk thru, he forgets he has to work late and can't do it. on the day i was leaving and was to get my money, he finds issues with the apartment that would come from my security. ISSUE # 1-he claimed i put multiple holes in the walls. PEOPLE, i had approximately 6 nail size holes from which i hung pics and shelves WHICH were filled, sanded and painted over...so technically there were no more holes, but he claims the filling was done incorrectly and would have to be redone. it cost less then 15 dollars (materials from home depot) to do this but he claimed it would cost approx. $150 for him to have a professional come in and redo it. you know i was livid!!!! not to mention, who did he think was stupid? i knew good and well, that A) he wasn't gonna redo them, but even if he did B) he was gonna call chi-chi or nacho n'em to do it, give them $20 and a beer and call it a day, just like he did when the mexican fell thru my roof while installing pipes upstairs. ISSUE # 2-he claims the carpets were dirty. LAWD HELP ME!!!! the carpets were IMMACULATE!! i did not allow people to even walk on my carpets with shoes on. the issue with the carpet was that he installed the absolute CHEAPEST carpet made, so it was the kind that made big knitty balls when you walked across it/slid something across it. well, i busted TWO vacuum cleaners trying to get the knitty balls up, but you really needed a super industrial/professional joint because those big clump-balls would mess up the machines. so the carpets were fine, they just needed a good vacuum which i tried, but refused to do anymore after wasting money on two machines. long story short, he gave me not one red dime and i was pissed to high hell!!!

i refused to leave and said that since he was such a liar, i was gonna stay. i had done everything i agreed to do and he did nothing, so i was gonna squat in the apartment. he then said, if i left then, he would get back to me within a couple of days with the estimate for the walls and i could see the receipts from the workers and he would return the rest of my security after that, NOT taking the 30 days he technically had to return it to me. THAT WAS JUNE 27. i did not hear from him until JULY 22 when he left me a voicemail asking for my address to mail me my deposit. now you know i was like-what happened to the estimates? how much did it cost? how much are you trying to send? this was what i was trying to avoid, because he just wanted my address to mail me whatever. could have been $700, $500, or $50 for all i knew. but i was owed over a grand, so i was like-HOLD UP!!!! what amount are you sending? he refused to answer me. he told me he would not argue with me, that he was at work, and that was that. well, to protect myself, i gave him the address, but prepared for the BS i knew was brewing...........but i was NOT prepared for this......

i opened the envelope mailed to me bracing to see a check for a couple hundred dollars inside, instead this fool sent me a letter explaining that he not only withheld ALL OF MY SECURITY, but made up a laundry list of things and then said i owed him almost $1100 in addition to my full security-HA!!!!!!!!!!! i damn near fainted. but after my tirade, ya know i called up the lawyer and onward we march to justice.

i swear, i never knew some people could be so evil and deceitful!!! BTW, he said $400 of the money went to damages, $100 for the carpets that only needed vacuuming and $300 for the 6 nail holes. SIX NAIL SIZED HOLES COST $300 and i'm supposed to believe that!?!?!?! what an idiot. when he gets done, he'll regret the day he EVER thought he could screw me like my name was stanley! hate me or love me, i WILL teach him a lesson he'll never forget

WHERE'S JUDGE MATHIS WHEN YA NEED HIM!?!?!?!

From Miss A. to Mrs. A................

UPDATE:::dear bloggies, i have been nominated by my homie shawn for "best humor blog" at the blackweblog awards
RULES: Only one ballot can be submitted per person. You can only enter one website in each field in the nomination form. If you feel a website can qualify for more than one category, feel free to submit it for several categories. However, you can only submit one website for each field. Think of it like a presidential election...except with no hanging chads or faulty Diebold machines.

You must have a valid e-mail address to submit a ballot. Your information will not be used in any other way except for ballot tabulation, but fake and "anti-spam" addresses will not be accepted. Actually, the form will take them, but those ballots will be deleted.

i know i have slacked on my wacky stories, but if you can remember blogs from the day of yore that made you chuckle and feel like voting, that would be great!
thanx peoples!

Blog fam!! I’ve missed you so…..and judging from today’s title, I’m sure you have pieced together the reason behind my recent hiatus – that’s right people, all the while I was gone, I was finishing up my wedding plans and preparing for the big day. Let me provide my disclaimer:
I did not blog about my upcoming nuptials just in case I had a runaway groom on my hands OR if he would get to the altar and change his mind (wink!)
Anyhoos, since he didn’t pull a Houdini on me, I can share a few snippets from that day...but first, some background.

We had planned to have an intimate garden ceremony a la adam & eve. Then the idea came about to throw a little p. diddy in the mix and make it an all white affair-meaning everyone wear white-EVERYONE! I thought that since it would be outside amongst all of the rich foliage and garden colors, it would look crisp, fresh and classic. Enter issue # 1: now I know some people may not have attended affairs with color schemes/requirements before, but you wouldn’t believe some of the confusion that erupted from this request. I found myself having to actually call people 3-4 times just to reinforce what was meant cuz some people still thought all white meant some white with whatever other color I want to wear….so towards the end, my speech was “all white, not white pants with a pink shirt, not blue pants with a white shirt and not a white dress with green flowers….ALL WHITE. The only thing that can be non-white are shoes and accessories.” It seemed very elementary, but folks were really planning on throwing their personal spice into their outfits and ya’ll know I was not having it! i was really frustrated cuz it's summer so white is everywhere and it was gonna be outside, so people just needed to get something comfortable, nothing too extravagant or crazy with sequins and glitter, cuz wasn't nobody looking at the audience anyways :-P but you woulda thunk i asked people to dust off the armani and buy some new gucci....le sigh! Enter issue #2: weather. With outdoor weddings, you always play russian roulette and hope for the best. The Saturday before, there was non-stop rain so I was like-cool! Its highly unlikely that it would rain 2 Saturdays in a row, right? WRONG! The weather reports were saying that it was going to rain Thursday, Friday Saturday and Sunday. YIKES!!! Of course I was on pins and needles because my whole vision would have been flushed down the crapper if it rained. There would be no lush green background to absorb all of the fabulous white outfits. No fresh flowers peeking along the garden, no room for our guests (cuz the backup location was small), and no happy bride cuz a lot of the décor was for outside use only. Then during the week, the weather report changed, saying it would rain thursday, friday, and sunday, but skipping saturday. This made me even more nervous, cuz why was saturday gonna get skipped like that. And I mean-they were predicting serious thunderstorms, so my nerves were a frayed mess until I woke up saturday morning to not only bright sunshine, but 100 degree heat and unbearable humidity. But I did NOT complain, cuz at least it wasn’t raining. But I must digress, cuz there was a travel fiasco. My maid of honor was scheduled to come in Thursday evening at 10:30 pm. But due to the impending thunderstorms (that never happened that night) her flight was cancelled. So here we go…on a wild goose chase to figure out what to do. They were trying to get her on a flight the next day, but that would have been a mess, cuz it was supposed to storm again, so what if they cancelled that flight? Plus, we had too much to do and I needed her there that night. So they put her on another airline which brought her into laguardia, the most god-awful airport known to man, almost 1 ½ hours from me, arriving at the eye-popping hour of 2:00 AM. ya’ll know I was a wreck. Here I am with my mapquest, driving in the dead of night/morn with my other out-of-town bridesmaid fighting that crazy ny traffic. But alas, she got here and we laid our heads to rest around 4 am. The next day was sheer pandemonium….the whole day was spent tying up loose ends, ripping and running, ending the day with rehearsal and dinner. Well, one bridesmaid got stuck in Brooklyn and missed the rehearsal by the skin of her teeth, we got separated on our way to dinner and half the folks got lost and I ended up tired and cranky by the end of the night. But do ya think I rested? Oh no….me and the MOH still had things to do, so we got to sleep sometime around 1:30. ok, so its wedding day and it’s the ball crack of dawn and time for hair-BOO! I am sooooo not a morning person, especially when I didn’t get my normal ten hours of sleep and when it’s one skillion degrees…but oh well. All day was crazy, hair flying everywhere, makeup being thrown around, nails and toes being slung in different directions….but all came together.

Until dun, dun duuuuuuuun, as I was getting ready upstairs, I had a perfect view of guests as they arrived, so ya’ll know I was peeping their outfits. Well, all was well, until what did my eyes witness? PEACH!?!?!?! Through the bushes and o’er the trees and I peeped the faintest hint of peach. So I’m like- who in the fresh hot hell is stepping up in this piece in peach? Who is peach-in-the-bush? Who the freak is peach-in-the-bush!?!?!?! I didn’t even know this chick, which angered me more, so I sent hubby on a mission to remedy the issue cuz I had sista on the first thing smoking away from my wedding ceremony. Another guest ended up having to take her shopping in a strange and unfamiliar town for something all white cuz she was the ONLY one who showed up bucking the system. In all truth, it was her date’s fault (a member of the wedding party-gasp!) for not making sure she was tight, but I didn’t care cuz I meant business about the white. In the end, that day couldn’t have been more perfect……….
the wedding party

me and pops

being all serious (and fabulous)

getting our prayer on

it's official!


me & lil' bro

gettin' our ghetto on!!

smooches!

yummy!!!!!!!!

after night-fall

super cheese face!

thanks guys for being patient with me...............I'm BAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!

OH, and before i forget, DID YA'll CATCH FLAVOR OF LOVE 2 LAST NIGHT WHEN THAT NASTY SKANK "SOMETHIN'" TOOK A POOP ON THE FLOOR (or as she says, it just pushed its way out cuz she couldn't hold it anymore), PICKED IT UP, AND DROPPED SOME ON THE STAIRS ON HER WAY TO THE BATHROOM!?!?! WTF!?!?!?!? WHO DOES THAT? WHO POOPS UNCONTROLLABLY???? AND WHO HAS NO SHAME WHEN THEY DO DROP POOP ALL OVER THE PLACE???? I HAVE NO WORDS....................