All Things "A".........

All Good Things.....

2006-08-29T16:36:00.000-04:00

well, i will agree with you all before i even say my piece - i stink!

i must take a leave of absence as prescribed by my doctor, so this here blog is one of the things that will suffer. it stinks, but it's true. i've had so much fun doing this blog and was looking forward to getting back on track, but i must do what i must do. thank all of you guys for your support and readership all this time.

truly,

mrs. a

Aw, Freak it!!!

2006-08-21T14:20:00.000-04:00

was gonna do a real post....

computer ate it up....

so, freak it....

just make sure you watch spike lee's documentary on hurricane katrina "when the levees broke" tonight on HBO

Where's the Justice?

2006-08-14T11:55:00.000-04:00

ok, so you guys remember the craziness that i had to endure at my old apartment, right? well, today's post is dedicated to the slimy piece of crap known as my ex-slumlord. for remembrance's sake, he was trying to rush me out of the apartment cuz he didn't like me. he offered me a lop-sided lease KNOWING i would object to it and leave which is what i did..................but there's more

ok, so after i had my lawyer serve him a letter stating how i relaized his antics were all in retaliation for personally disliking me and calling the city on him (when he ignored my water complaint), he got real scared, almost like a little puppy dog. he called me wanting to "negotiate." he requested that we not get lawyers involved and he then offered me the same type of lease he was advertising for instead of the crazy lease he offered me with almost $200 in extras that he just made up to screw me over. well, needless to say, i was not interested in making any deals with him to stay there since he made it painstakingly clear what type of dude he is. BUT, i did have a few requests in exchange for calling my lawyer off. 1-he needed to make up his mind and put in writing what he wanted to do about the construction i did in the apartment b/c the original agreement was that i return the apartment to its original condition when i leave, but when he was showing it to prospective tenants, he was offering it to them as if it was gonna stay. AND if he wanted it, he had to pay me for the materials it cost to build it. 2-i wanted US to do a walk-thru of the apartment together and have him sign off on the condition in front of me cuz i didn't trust him to do it after i left cuz he was liable to say i had a donkey hanging from a hole in the ceiling and find ways to subtract from my security deposit AND LASTLY, i wanted my security IN FULL on the day i was leaving instead waiting the 30 days that landlords are entitled to take when returning it. why? same reason as #2, i didn't trust him to return it to me IN FULL after i left cuz once i did my part of the deal, i KNEW he would try to find ways to not give me my money.

WELL, peoples, he agreed very willingly to these terms as long as i left and stopped the lawyer action. i still didn't trust him so i put it all on paper and asked him to sign it. he practically ran for the hills, saying there was no need to sign anything, we had an agreement, blah blah blah-it's all good. you can see where i'm going with this, OF COURSE when the day comes to do the walk thru, he forgets he has to work late and can't do it. on the day i was leaving and was to get my money, he finds issues with the apartment that would come from my security. ISSUE # 1-he claimed i put multiple holes in the walls. PEOPLE, i had approximately 6 nail size holes from which i hung pics and shelves WHICH were filled, sanded and painted over...so technically there were no more holes, but he claims the filling was done incorrectly and would have to be redone. it cost less then 15 dollars (materials from home depot) to do this but he claimed it would cost approx. $150 for him to have a professional come in and redo it. you know i was livid!!!! not to mention, who did he think was stupid? i knew good and well, that A) he wasn't gonna redo them, but even if he did B) he was gonna call chi-chi or nacho n'em to do it, give them $20 and a beer and call it a day, just like he did when the mexican fell thru my roof while installing pipes upstairs. ISSUE # 2-he claims the carpets were dirty. LAWD HELP ME!!!! the carpets were IMMACULATE!! i did not allow people to even walk on my carpets with shoes on. the issue with the carpet was that he installed the absolute CHEAPEST carpet made, so it was the kind that made big knitty balls when you walked across it/slid something across it. well, i busted TWO vacuum cleaners trying to get the knitty balls up, but you really needed a super industrial/professional joint because those big clump-balls would mess up the machines. so the carpets were fine, they just needed a good vacuum which i tried, but refused to do anymore after wasting money on two machines. long story short, he gave me not one red dime and i was pissed to high hell!!!

i refused to leave and said that since he was such a liar, i was gonna stay. i had done everything i agreed to do and he did nothing, so i was gonna squat in the apartment. he then said, if i left then, he would get back to me within a couple of days with the estimate for the walls and i could see the receipts from the workers and he would return the rest of my security after that, NOT taking the 30 days he technically had to return it to me. THAT WAS JUNE 27. i did not hear from him until JULY 22 when he left me a voicemail asking for my address to mail me my deposit. now you know i was like-what happened to the estimates? how much did it cost? how much are you trying to send? this was what i was trying to avoid, because he just wanted my address to mail me whatever. could have been $700, $500, or $50 for all i knew. but i was owed over a grand, so i was like-HOLD UP!!!! what amount are you sending? he refused to answer me. he told me he would not argue with me, that he was at work, and that was that. well, to protect myself, i gave him the address, but prepared for the BS i knew was brewing...........but i was NOT prepared for this......

i opened the envelope mailed to me bracing to see a check for a couple hundred dollars inside, instead this fool sent me a letter explaining that he not only withheld ALL OF MY SECURITY, but made up a laundry list of things and then said i owed him almost $1100 in addition to my full security-HA!!!!!!!!!!! i damn near fainted. but after my tirade, ya know i called up the lawyer and onward we march to justice.

i swear, i never knew some people could be so evil and deceitful!!! BTW, he said $400 of the money went to damages, $100 for the carpets that only needed vacuuming and $300 for the 6 nail holes. SIX NAIL SIZED HOLES COST $300 and i'm supposed to believe that!?!?!?! what an idiot. when he gets done, he'll regret the day he EVER thought he could screw me like my name was stanley! hate me or love me, i WILL teach him a lesson he'll never forget

WHERE'S JUDGE MATHIS WHEN YA NEED HIM!?!?!?!

From Miss A. to Mrs. A................

2006-08-07T08:49:00.000-04:00

UPDATE:::dear bloggies, i have been nominated by my homie shawn for "best humor blog" at the blackweblog awards
RULES: Only one ballot can be submitted per person. You can only enter one website in each field in the nomination form. If you feel a website can qualify for more than one category, feel free to submit it for several categories. However, you can only submit one website for each field. Think of it like a presidential election...except with no hanging chads or faulty Diebold machines.

You must have a valid e-mail address to submit a ballot. Your information will not be used in any other way except for ballot tabulation, but fake and "anti-spam" addresses will not be accepted. Actually, the form will take them, but those ballots will be deleted.

i know i have slacked on my wacky stories, but if you can remember blogs from the day of yore that made you chuckle and feel like voting, that would be great!
thanx peoples!

Blog fam!! I’ve missed you so…..and judging from today’s title, I’m sure you have pieced together the reason behind my recent hiatus – that’s right people, all the while I was gone, I was finishing up my wedding plans and preparing for the big day. Let me provide my disclaimer:
I did not blog about my upcoming nuptials just in case I had a runaway groom on my hands OR if he would get to the altar and change his mind (wink!)
Anyhoos, since he didn’t pull a Houdini on me, I can share a few snippets from that day...but first, some background.

We had planned to have an intimate garden ceremony a la adam & eve. Then the idea came about to throw a little p. diddy in the mix and make it an all white affair-meaning everyone wear white-EVERYONE! I thought that since it would be outside amongst all of the rich foliage and garden colors, it would look crisp, fresh and classic. Enter issue # 1: now I know some people may not have attended affairs with color schemes/requirements before, but you wouldn’t believe some of the confusion that erupted from this request. I found myself having to actually call people 3-4 times just to reinforce what was meant cuz some people still thought all white meant some white with whatever other color I want to wear….so towards the end, my speech was “all white, not white pants with a pink shirt, not blue pants with a white shirt and not a white dress with green flowers….ALL WHITE. The only thing that can be non-white are shoes and accessories.” It seemed very elementary, but folks were really planning on throwing their personal spice into their outfits and ya’ll know I was not having it! i was really frustrated cuz it's summer so white is everywhere and it was gonna be outside, so people just needed to get something comfortable, nothing too extravagant or crazy with sequins and glitter, cuz wasn't nobody looking at the audience anyways :-P but you woulda thunk i asked people to dust off the armani and buy some new gucci....le sigh! Enter issue #2: weather. With outdoor weddings, you always play russian roulette and hope for the best. The Saturday before, there was non-stop rain so I was like-cool! Its highly unlikely that it would rain 2 Saturdays in a row, right? WRONG! The weather reports were saying that it was going to rain Thursday, Friday Saturday and Sunday. YIKES!!! Of course I was on pins and needles because my whole vision would have been flushed down the crapper if it rained. There would be no lush green background to absorb all of the fabulous white outfits. No fresh flowers peeking along the garden, no room for our guests (cuz the backup location was small), and no happy bride cuz a lot of the décor was for outside use only. Then during the week, the weather report changed, saying it would rain thursday, friday, and sunday, but skipping saturday. This made me even more nervous, cuz why was saturday gonna get skipped like that. And I mean-they were predicting serious thunderstorms, so my nerves were a frayed mess until I woke up saturday morning to not only bright sunshine, but 100 degree heat and unbearable humidity. But I did NOT complain, cuz at least it wasn’t raining. But I must digress, cuz there was a travel fiasco. My maid of honor was scheduled to come in Thursday evening at 10:30 pm. But due to the impending thunderstorms (that never happened that night) her flight was cancelled. So here we go…on a wild goose chase to figure out what to do. They were trying to get her on a flight the next day, but that would have been a mess, cuz it was supposed to storm again, so what if they cancelled that flight? Plus, we had too much to do and I needed her there that night. So they put her on another airline which brought her into laguardia, the most god-awful airport known to man, almost 1 ½ hours from me, arriving at the eye-popping hour of 2:00 AM. ya’ll know I was a wreck. Here I am with my mapquest, driving in the dead of night/morn with my other out-of-town bridesmaid fighting that crazy ny traffic. But alas, she got here and we laid our heads to rest around 4 am. The next day was sheer pandemonium….the whole day was spent tying up loose ends, ripping and running, ending the day with rehearsal and dinner. Well, one bridesmaid got stuck in Brooklyn and missed the rehearsal by the skin of her teeth, we got separated on our way to dinner and half the folks got lost and I ended up tired and cranky by the end of the night. But do ya think I rested? Oh no….me and the MOH still had things to do, so we got to sleep sometime around 1:30. ok, so its wedding day and it’s the ball crack of dawn and time for hair-BOO! I am sooooo not a morning person, especially when I didn’t get my normal ten hours of sleep and when it’s one skillion degrees…but oh well. All day was crazy, hair flying everywhere, makeup being thrown around, nails and toes being slung in different directions….but all came together.

Until dun, dun duuuuuuuun, as I was getting ready upstairs, I had a perfect view of guests as they arrived, so ya’ll know I was peeping their outfits. Well, all was well, until what did my eyes witness? PEACH!?!?!?! Through the bushes and o’er the trees and I peeped the faintest hint of peach. So I’m like- who in the fresh hot hell is stepping up in this piece in peach? Who is peach-in-the-bush? Who the freak is peach-in-the-bush!?!?!?! I didn’t even know this chick, which angered me more, so I sent hubby on a mission to remedy the issue cuz I had sista on the first thing smoking away from my wedding ceremony. Another guest ended up having to take her shopping in a strange and unfamiliar town for something all white cuz she was the ONLY one who showed up bucking the system. In all truth, it was her date’s fault (a member of the wedding party-gasp!) for not making sure she was tight, but I didn’t care cuz I meant business about the white. In the end, that day couldn’t have been more perfect……….
the wedding party

me and pops

being all serious (and fabulous)

getting our prayer on

it's official!

me & lil' bro

gettin' our ghetto on!!

smooches!

yummy!!!!!!!!

after night-fall

super cheese face!

thanks guys for being patient with me...............I'm BAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!

OH, and before i forget, DID YA'll CATCH FLAVOR OF LOVE 2 LAST NIGHT WHEN THAT NASTY SKANK "SOMETHIN'" TOOK A POOP ON THE FLOOR (or as she says, it just pushed its way out cuz she couldn't hold it anymore), PICKED IT UP, AND DROPPED SOME ON THE STAIRS ON HER WAY TO THE BATHROOM!?!?! WTF!?!?!?!? WHO DOES THAT? WHO POOPS UNCONTROLLABLY???? AND WHO HAS NO SHAME WHEN THEY DO DROP POOP ALL OVER THE PLACE???? I HAVE NO WORDS....................

Update from Management

2006-07-11T09:18:00.000-04:00

Miss A. will be returning to the blogiverse on August 7, 2006. Thank you for your patronage and funny comments!

Sincerely,
Management

p.s. the current video "scream" is dedicated to all of the fellow bloggers who have supported "All Things A......." over the months. the authoress of this blog misses all of you and the jollies shared between you and know that she screams once a day at 9:00 EST........cuz she misses writing about her crazy adventures and sharing them with all of you!

Get your own countdown at BlingyBlob.com

sniffle, sniffle

2006-06-23T11:35:00.000-04:00

i regret to inform thee that miss a. has taken a small break from blogging until further notice. feel free to revel in the fond memories shared via "All Things A". reflect on all of the crazy stories and good ol' times had by all and please check back for her update and be well within the blogging kingdom. THANK YOU, MANAGEMENT!

Won't You Take Me To....FUNKYTOWN!?!?!?!

2006-06-15T12:40:00.000-04:00

******just to put ya'll regulars on notice...i've been bitten by the revenge bug. last night i went home, put on some lindsay lohan and the yeah, yeah, yeahs, blasted it like crazy and played the drums with my umbrella. it was magical. the walls shook, the floor vibrated. i KNOW i disturbed my neighbors...and this morning, i called them all crackheads outside-AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! sweet justice. more of these dumb antics to follow. i tried to show some class, but now, i'll show my ig'nant ass!******

NOW, onto today's post...many of you may not be aware that the "urban" prom goers up here have some sort of twisted take on reality. gone are the days of pretty dresses, normal hairstyles and elegance. gone are common colors, patterns and even body images that look good in said attire. i do believe that the goal is to see how much of your body you can expose for minimal cost regarding material, dress pattern, fashion and TASTE. gone are the sweet and innocent allure of young party-goers just out to have some fun, dance a little and look cute doing it............

i welcome you to ONE of NEW JERSEY'S PROMS, located in Stankville, NJ (get your barf bag ready)

now let me say, this is one of the mildest ones, but ol' girl's dress looks about 2-3 sizes too big. that saggy ruching and cheap rhinestone belly chain thing do NOT go...one or the other. not to mention, one of her nips are about to make a guest appearance.

i won't comment on the orange being that i canot see it completely, but missy in the black-DOUBLE NO to the garter. you are not a pussycat doll, bride or stripper-so what gives?? (i don't know how much truth is in the last occupational reference) but, let me say-I TAKE ISSUE WITH WOMEN WHO FEEL IT'S OKAY TO SHOW THEIR STOMACHS JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVE A CHANDELIER HANGING FROM IT, REGARDLESS OF THE SHAPE OF SAID STOMACH. there's a little too much pooch going on in el estomago-BOO!!!! let's take another look........

we can see from the side view that there is a little too much protrusion going on-EW!

homey in the back looks like an easter basket exploded on her, but at least she's covered. but miss thang in the front (1) THE EYESHADOW is KILLING me! (2) maybe the double sided tape isn't working cuz i bet she was tugging at that thing all night. she looks uncomfortable (3) is the top even attached to the bottom? what is with all of the rumpling and funkiness around the mid-section!??! (4) doesn't she kinda look like a cracked-out rudy huxtable?

is this supposed to be a tribute to a flag? i take issue with flag-inspired clothing...it just seems so un-original and boring

blue & white dress-PASS! but the shiny yellow thing is priceless. first of all, the boobies are smashed beyond recognition and the slit is too damn high. is there lycra in that!?!?!

i love her confidence, but the dress just screams "look at my cha-cha PLEEEEEASE!" and NO SHE DID NOT have the "ardacity" to have a friggin ruffled train attached...but the best part is the date behind her made to carry the train. that's right people, for the cost of a shotty tux with pimp daddy shoes, you too can have a man servant escort you and your ruffles to the prom!

yet another example of a tummy (and belly button ring) that could have looked better underneath a nice & snug girdle. and might i add, i HATE assymetrical hemlines!-ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! love those pink shades and disposable camera tho.

lady in the tan/brown-WTF!!???! did your momma throw the curtains on you as you were walking out the door? lady in the pink/peach-are you ashamed to be seen with curtain girl? or did you realize that your dress is too tight in the boob area and couldn't muster up enough breath for a smile in the pic? and why do you have a gray purse with not a drop of gray in your dress?

WHAT IN THE CRISP HOT HELL TOLD THEM THIS WAS FLY!?!?! and WTF is up with all the white? is it against the rules to wear a regular black tux? now, direct your eyes to the footage area....as much as i hate those damn pimp looking shoes, at least the baby blues look quasi-costly. but the crayola-inspired ones in the middle look like he made them in the garage at the house with peanut n'em in an attempt to be ORIGINAL-bleh! ones on the right...too damn much in the color department. what is that pattern? lord help the babies!!!!

DOUBLE UGH!!! ok, for real, i would be afraid of this girl on a regular day...but this get-up is really frightening. what are the make-shift arm-wraps? those cheap little rhinestone thingies going across her chest look like they are holding on for dear life, and THE COLLAR!!!!!!!!!! what in tarnations told her to put a cruella de-ville collar on that contraption? p.s. i think my cat would have looked better perched on top of her head rather than that pointy mess. HEY!! my cat is white, so she would have matched!

ok, i missed the memo. WITCH COLLARS ARE IN!!! they must be! now, what is up with the extra saggy materialization going on up top? now, if the boobies are flat and saggy that shape doesn't help (i think this is the issue). if they are small and almost non-existent, they look as if they disappeared in all that rufflization. i just hope it's not the flat-and -saggy, cuz a nip might find its way to that peephole in the middle. the waist seems awfully high, but i guess the booty shorts underneath make up for the cooch-shot we get when she walks

ok, neck tats-CHECK! big gaudy (fake) earrings-CHECK! suits that are 4-5 sizes too big-CHECK! counterfeit money printed at peanut's house-CHECK!
hey-at least they're not wearing white!

this here-IS MY FAVORITE!!! let's explore....miss orange dress, someone lied and told you that your body looked cute with THAT much information exposed. did you think that putting some shimmer on your boob holders would distract us all from the thunder action going on down below? my dear, you too, could stand to be suctioned in a little. ma'daam in the middle, did your aunt willona pick out that disco queen pattern you have splayed all over your dress? you actually seem to have a decent body, but the dress has too much action and makes you look frumpy in the middle. and what is that in the middle of your chest-a brooch? a sticker? i can't tell. le' chick on the right-now you KNOW you are wrong for those damn glow-in-the-dark mesh ruffles at the end of your mini-dress. i would be willing to overlook YOUR psychadelic print if you didn't have the pooch-pooch going on also. this whole picture is a bag of skittles gone wild!

now even tho i don't like the colors, this child looks the most normal. is she a visitor? or did she miss the pre-prom committee meeting that said to look crazy at this year's event? i give her props for being brave enough to look like a REGULAR PROM-GOER. (yes, i am ignoring the fact that someone thought it would be cute to dress up lil' man-man and throw him up in the pictures)

i have NEVER in all my days seen so many flattened, smashed, distorted and distressed boobs in my life. and for these ladies to be in high-school, what is up with that? now, i know i can be a little old-fashioned, but i was at my prom less than 10 years ago. have times changed that much? seriously, i cannot understand the method behind these outfits. BOYS AND GIRLS!! everyone looks a fright!!!!!!!!!!

I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED YOUR STROLL THRU FUNKYTOWN!!!!

Meet Denny and Kelly..........

2006-06-13T09:13:00.000-04:00

I THINK YOU'RE CRAZAAAAAAAAAAAAYY!!!!!!!!!!! or maybe i'm crazay!

SOMEONE SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!! ok, so ya'll know i live in the jungle with a bunch of wild animals for neighbors. at this point in the game, i would be remiss not to acknowledge the newest additions to the coo-coo family. just for memory's sake, adam, olivia and tashi live upstairs, pablo and margarita live upstairs from them and now, denny and kelly live next door. i knew someone had moved in a few weeks ago, but they were like phantom neighbors at first. i saw a car, but didn't know whose it was. the door would be open, but i never saw who went in or out. well, one fine afternoon as i lay reclining in my living room, i heard it...BOOM, BOOM, BOOM!!! it's club music. now, at first i thought it was good old margarita, but she plays a lot of hood stuff. this was like techno and club. WTF!?!?! you know i called the cops. but i couldn't see who exactly was producing this noise. see, they were having a apartment-warming i guess, cuz there were mad people going in and out. the cops came, the music subsided, got loud again, called cops again, cops came again, music subsided. ARGH!!!! can anyone with some sense besides myself move in around here? or will i have to just take on every neighbor and their foolishness single-handedly?

dumb question

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED MY F*CKIN' LIGHT!" me and starr baby were awakened by this. we sat up, looked around, laid back down, until "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH, FIND MY F*CKIN LIGHT DAMMIT!!!!!! I OUGHTTA GO UPSIDE YOUR F*CKIN HEAD!!!!!! YOU'RE SUCH A B*TCH!" well, let's go investigate. i got out of my bed and realized the new neighbors had their window open, hence the very loud volume. so here we go, basically denny is a 35 year old married man who is pissed at the world and can't understand why kelly won't leave him alone when he gets like this. then to top it all off, she lost his light and he needs to light his weed so he can calm down. yes, i found all of this out because he is screaming it at the top of his lungs. as he walks in circles calling her every name in the book, she just stood there looking terrified. (starr and i had a great view into their window) he walks around shirtless wearing khakis and a blue bandanna on his head. he's got a scruffy beard and looks every bit like trailer trash. she's heavily overdone make-up wise, looks waaaaaaaay younger than him and scared beyond belief. he calls her a few more names and curses her for always asking him "when are we gonna smoke weed. that's all you ever say...now you can't find my f*ckin light". he sits down, lifts two barbells about 6 six times, gets up, paces some more, then finds a matchbook on the desk "behind her stupid papers." i got so caught up in the argument that i forgot to call the cops (my new favorite activity. they are so used to me calling, they gave me the direct number to dispatch so i don't have to get transferred from the desk now-WHOOPEE!!!!). after he lit up, she walked away, he ran after her and who knows what took place......maybe a few slaps and pushes, maybe some hot trailer make-up sex, maybe some mellowing out followed by crack smoking and 40's. nonetheless, i crawled back into bed. i looked up, and my poor cat was so enthralled by these fools, she was stretched up to the window, head poking through the curtains AND blinds still watching.....DAMN SHAME - when even the animals are entertained by these nuts

maybe me and starr baby will start walking around like this...

Celebrity Ca-Ca

2006-06-12T11:17:00.000-04:00

sometimes, i feel like the whole hoopla behind our culture's obsession with celebrities and their lives are um, INSANE!!!!!!! now, i can get with a little celeb dish & dirt every now and then, but some of this mess is just RETARDED!!!

can someone PUH-LEASE tell me WTF is the big deal about angeline jolie and brad pitt's bald headed baby? i mean, they have never been that interesting to me, but i just don't get what the hoopla is about. i was just flipping thru the channels and there was a special on dedicated just to the days leading up to her birth. so my WTF questions are:

1. WTF did they name it shiloh which has one translation as "messiah"? that's doing a wee bit too much

2. why did some baby boutique design a pacifier made of white gold and over 278 diamonds (about 3 karats) for the kid valued around $17K?

3. why is it rumored that a magazine paid over $4 million dollars for pics of this kid?

i'm really not hating, but i don't get it.

next up, jaleel white. have ya'll heard the rumor that he (steve urkel) killed himself? now, i heard the rumor, then i heard it's not true and i hope its not. but for it to be a rumor, this is a very elaborate and ridiculous story and i can' t imagine who would start such a thing...people need to get a life

Jaleel White, who played 'nerdy 'neighbor Steve Urkel on "Family Matters" was found dead Monday. He was 29 years old. White was pronounced dead on arrival after admission to an LA hospital early Monday morning. The death is being investigated as a suicide. Born Jaleel Ahmad White, he began his career at the age of three acting in television commercials, before landing guest spots on shows such as "The Jeffersons" and "Mr. Belvedere." It was in 1989 that White landed the role that would make him famous, playing wacky neighbor 'Steve Urkel' on the ABC program "Family Matters." Following the cancellation of "Family Matters" in 1997, friends claim White became obsessed with the character, and grew despondent, despite further successes as star and producer of the UPN sitcom "Grownups", and as a writer for NBA.com. Neighbor and friend, Bradley Spencer alerted police after hearing what he described as "a loud bang" coming from White's Los Angeles apartment. Authorities state that upon entering the home they discovered a young African-American male with an apparently self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. Also found was a note, which read simply "Did I do that?", a popular catchphrase from the show. "Jaleel was an uncommonly good man, an exceptional role model and a great comedic actor," said William Bickley, who created the series, and Thomas L. Miller, one of the executive producers, in a joint statement. "We feel privileged to have known him and worked with him. He'll be missed and remembered every day by his many, many friends," they said. Actress Kellie Williams -- Laura Winslow on the series -- described White as a consummate professional actor. "Everyone adored him," she said. "We have all lost a dear, dear brother," said Reginald VelJohnson, who played Carl Winslow. White, an only child, is survived by "cousins, aunts, uncles, and wonderful friends," Bickley said.

now, if this is a lie, this a waaaaaaaaaaay too elaborate of a scam to circulate. NOT COOL! and i hope whoever made this up gets the pants sued off of them. if it is true, then it is a very sad and tragic occurrence and i am sorry to hear it.

Lastly, i'm sure we all "heard" about the Houston rapper who allegedly infected a woman with HIV and was sued for $25 million. THEN it is being rumored that Slim Thug is going around to radio stations and appearances showing people his HIV test results so as to dispel ANY notions that he could be the rapper in question...OK-TOO MUCH!!!!
now, i have NO idea who it could be, but the waving around of test results just looks hella shady to me. i mean, even if people are thinking it's him, so what!?!?! half the stuff we hear isn't accurate anyways. but to carry around a piece of paper to show people is hmmmmmmmm, weird.

for all we know, your boy, lil' stomachache coulda made that up on his computer or something. is it really that deep? i mean, i don't know about ya'll but i carry all medical test results, report cards from grades K thru college, and my cat's birth certificate around in my purse each and every day...don't you? god forbid someone challenge me on the validity of these items and i not be able to prove i'm telling the truth!!!!!

some celebs and celeb hounds REALLY and truly need to GET A LIFE and cut all of this mess out. i must admit tho, it really cracks me up, but DANG! they're still people too. they have regular bald babies, have completely false stories made up and are whores just like regular folks. nonetheless, thanks for the laughs!!!!!

Ghetto L-O-V-E (From A Smilie's POV)

2006-06-07T11:23:00.000-04:00

I was reading luvin me’s blog the other day and she posted about an extremely ghetto wedding she attended recently, complete with flowered baby strollers and blue fingernails that matched the blue bridesmaid's dresses (GAG! ). She asked if we had experienced any ghetto wedding adventures and I instantly flashed back to the first wedding I coordinated alone. I was fresh out of college and my first job centered around planning parties, conferences and weddings. I was still learning but had enough knowledge to swing this one alone. A friend of my mother’s had a daughter who was getting married and my mom was going to do the wedding, but she ended up needing surgery and was gonna be bed-ridden so my mom asked me to pick up where she left off. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN this was gonna be a disaster, but I hoped that since we knew each other, things might run a little smoother. WRONG!!!! Problem # 1-the bride wanted a $50,000 wedding with a budget of $500. Problem # 2, the bride AND groom were very “urban” in their taste which directly conflicted with my taste. Problem # 3, I didn't think they could afford what I would have regularly charged. Problem # 4, we were running out of time. I should have exited as soon as I realized these things, but i decided to try to make a wedding out of wackness.

When I first came on the scene, the bride spoke of grand visions, a band, a dj, a nice reception hall, food, wine and fabulous decorations. Once I came up with a very basic proposal, the truth came out….big dreams, little dollars. So I instructed the bride to think a little more practically about what she could afford. Talk about a 180 degree turnaround! First stop, the reception hall. Ms. Bride takes me to a campground she had visited a few years back and we entered what they used as the dining hall. Everything was wooden and ragged. It smelled old and musty and I immediately objected to this facility. The next day, I went to secure a room at the botanical gardens (which was surprisingly cheaper) and told the bride of the great news. She was NOT excited. But I held strong to my objection of Camp Minnie-Wa-Wa. Fight #1 ensued but she reluctantly agreed. NEXT UP, the colors. Now I acknowledge that there are many sentimental reasons behind the colors people choose for their wedding, but PUH-LEASE be reasonable. This was a greek couple…he-a kappa, she-an SGRHo. And they BOTH wanted to incorporate their colors into the wedding. Hmmmmmm, great idea except his are RED and CREAM and hers are ROYAL BLUE and GOLD (gasp!) after what seemed like countless and lengthy deuls, I begged them to throw out at least ONE color, preferably a primary (red or blue). Ms. Bride chucked the blue so we were left with FIRE ENGINE RED, CREAM and GOLD as a color scheme (no comment). NEXT UP, decorations. The bride and groom were crying broke so I went to the bride’s mother who wrote me a whopping check for $200. With this mountain of money I was supposed to decorate the church and reception room. In the back of my mind, I was wondering about music and food, but I figured I’d chill and attack one issue at a time.

As far as the church, I had to go with fake flowers, some ribbon and a few candles. In an effort to save money, the bride suggested I decorate the reception tables with coke cans (red) wrapped in cellophane . I didn’t even ask if she thought they should be empty or full cans before I politely declined her suggestion and said I’d find a more elegant centerpiece. She didn't appreciate my diss, but COME ONE!! coke cans!?!?!?!? Fight # 2 , but I was sticking to my guns. I headed to the glass store and bought oodles of glass bowls with frilled edges. I glued those horrendous colors of red and gold around the top of the bowl and got some glass writing pens. I wrote in calligraphy on each of them, some had their names, some had the wedding date. I filled the glasses up with water and dropped in some red and gold floating candles and voila-centerpieces. I then trekked to the party store (again in my car with my gas) and rented a huge helium pump. I single handedly blew up 300 balloons and strung them all. I got some red and gold do-dads to sprinkle all over the tables, after I bought cream tablecloths of course. At this point, my funds were in the negative. I asked Ms. Bride about the music and she said she’d take care of it. I had no idea of the extent she would handle things until I experienced the madness myself. The night of the rehearsal, I gave everyone their directions, marked their places and ran thru the practice even though about 6 people were missing. It worried me cuz they would be lost the next day, but oh well! Then the groom’s parents informed everyone that we were to head to the local Denny’s for the rehearsal dinner . If anyone deviated from the pre-fixed menu, they would be responsible for their own meal. So either you licked up your salisbury steak, country fried chicken or chicken fried steak OR you might find yourself outside of the wedding circle. The thought alone made me nauseous, so I skipped the dinner and went back to tying up the few loose ends before the big day.

That morning, I was scurrying around, dressing kids, ironing veils, looking for breath mints (cuz the bride's breath was on FIYAH!) then IT happened. The time came to start walking down the aisle and I was knocked off balance by a sound I had never heard before. Was someone drowning a family of cats? Perhaps someone was scratching a chalkboard repeatedly? I peered through the door and tucked away in the left corner was a small group of 4th graders. See, the bride and groom were teachers. The bride borrowed a few of her students who were just learning how to play their instruments to provide the ambience for her ceremony. Too bad they had only mastered their instruments for about 2 weeks…yet in still, I shooed everyone down the aisle to the dying kitty cat remix of the wedding march, including the bride’s drunk brother who had to carry the too-young ring bearer/his son who was screaming bloody murder. I then hot-tailed it to the garden to start lighting the candles and inquiring about the reception music. This is when I found out they got another friend to cater some finger foods. There was pasta salad, regular salad, wing-dings, meatballs and cheese. There wasn’t a drop of liquor in the place. I helped the cake lady assemble the cake and in came the crowd. I noticed the bride’s extremely strange sister carrying her stereo, but I ignored it for the moment and made the proper introductions. After that, I got bombarded by the bride’s sorority sister who wanted to sing a song to her and I told her I would squeeze her in at the appropriate time. After all, I had a program to follow. She ran to the bride and told on me (so you know I was hot) but I STILL made her wait until I had done my parts. Fight # 3 The bride starts crying and Sorority sister just stands there like she expected me to hand her the mic...but i just made up some stuff to say so i could keep holding onto it. Then the bride’s sister took the mic, sat it by her radio and played her own personal music collection-first song – “nobody needs nobody” by playa fly, a local Memphis artist. I tried to get a snippet of the song so you could understand how horrific of a choice it was...but i couldn't. so just revel in the picture of playa fly and the chorus of the song which goes "nobody needs nobody. all i need is me and my dog nigga, so f*ck all of ya'll niggas"

I damn near died!!!!! And YES! the bride and groom were out there hunching to this song. I just stood there clutching my pearls as I noticed that some of the groom’s frat brothers were complaining about the choice of drinks. Well, the bride’s alcoholic brother took off to the store and returned with a few boxes of wine. Yes-BOXES of wine! I had had about enough at this point. I went and told the bride she looked lovely (forgive me Lord for lying), said a few goodbyes and BOUNCED!!!!!

And you know what, no one even told me thank you for any of the work I did. i mean, i didn't need a parade. Some simple songs of praise, bowing and flower throwing would have sufficed. I didn't get a thank you card OR call and surely not a small monetary offering even after the dust had settled...but it sure was a good laugh!!!!!!!!

You Make Me Sick, You Fat Hairy Piece of Dog Poo!

2006-06-05T08:41:00.000-04:00

well peoples, the time has come to update you all on my living situation. as you know, i live in a crazy environment. it goes without saying that i am the only sane person living there and have had nothing but problems since i moved in. now, let's track back so you can understand why i'm having problems now. when i moved in, no one had lived there. it was a renovated place and it seemed cool. NOT SO!!! once i moved in, i realized that my slumlord was conducting renovations upstairs from me which equaled many early mornings and late nights of banging, knocking, hammering, sawing, yelling, etc. for the first four months, i had NO peace. during these first few months, i called my slumlord a lot to complain because these workers were getting comfortable picking crazy hours to work. i figured he was tired of me complaining, but i was always nice and hey, i paid my rent, i deserved a LITTLE quiet, at least at seven in the morning. well, thanksgiving rolls around. i go to detroit for the weekend. on thanksgiving day i get a call from slumlord. guess what? a mexican fell through my ceiling into my kitchen! i had A FIT!!!!!!!!!!!! my cat was there alone, so i knew she was freaking out and i could only imagine what the place looked like. god forbid i had company for thanksgiving...it would have been ruined. but i was so pissed, because slumlord picked up random immigrants and paid them pennies to do work around there. well, what happens when you don't get professionals? it's raining immigrants!!!!!!!!!! i sent someone over there to check on the place and report the condition cuz slumlord was playing it down, making it seem like no big deal. the report was not good. my entire kitchen and living room had been covered in a thick dust blanket. slumlord said he'd get his (immigrant) wife to clean up...but when i returned, i could tell she only did a surface clean. ya'll know what that is...just wiping the front and top of things. but the dust was so thick, it was inside the cabinets, in every nook and cranny, even covering the walls and lastly-MY POOR CAT!!! she was a funky beige-gray. my cat is white as the driven snow. just to touch her set off a dust cloud. i was LIVID!! i demanded that he reimburse me to have my place PROFESSIONALLY cleaned and for my cat to be groomed. he reluctantly agreed. i couldn't stay there for a while cuz i couldn't breathe in that much dust due to my own conditions.

here comes new year's. i had 3 friends come visit from down south. we had a whole weekend planned for fun. well, little did i know that adam, olivia and tashi picked this same time to move in. and how did i find out? in the wee hours of the morning when we were on our way back home from the club. i couldn't pull in to park because adam had wedged his too damn big moving truck in the entryway and couldn't get it out. he had his car hitched to the back so that made it difficult to move. well, my issue is that i do not park my car on the street. i HAVE a parking space and i wanted to get to it. well after waiting an hour or so, they got the damn truck out of the way, but i was pissed cuz we needed to be asleep due to our very hectic plans. the next day we go out, come back and the same thing again....the damn truck!!! at this point, i called my people to come over and cuss out slumlord cuz i'm like-how are you allowing people to just come and do what they want and inconvenience everyone else. i don't do stuff like that. you have other tenants here who have things going on and don't have time for this, etc. nonetheless, there was a small melee outside and finally the truck was moved. for the next few months, pablo and margarita decided to make their presence known. this is when i really started to witness their foolishness. they started playing "gasolina" 77 times in a row and margarita must have lost her cell phone because she took to hollering out of the window at pablo on a frequent basis. i made several complaints against their noise but most times, they continued to be loud. i continued to complain to slumlord but he rarely did anything.

enter water problems. now, i had not had issues with the water until adam and company moved in. i swear they took about 7 showers a day-EACH. maybe they did so cuz they weren't used to having showers? i don't know...but whatever the case, they were always running the water! i tried to time them and use the water when they weren't but i was like-WTF!!! i pay my rent. i should be able to use my water when i want. freak this! well, the day came when i had somewhere to go and i was washing my hair. with soap in my hair, the water turned ice cold and slowed to a trickle. WTF!?!?!?!?! i called slumlord and he pretty much dismissed me saying there was nothing he could do about it. ok, well i called someone who could do something-THE CITY!!!! two hours later, the city had tested the water which was STILL 40 degrees colder than it should have been because slumlord is running too many apartments off of a water heater thats too small. my plans were ruined and i was pissed. i figured he would be pissed at me for calling them but i had to show him i was not the one to mess with. i had been very agreeable and nice...to the point where he felt like he didn't have to address me or take me seriously.

well, payback time has arrived. my lease is up and he arrives with a new lease that is CRAZAY!!!!! he was offering me a lease to stay there but it would cost me about $200 more dollars after he finished instituting his changes. i was outraged. i figured he was doing this to make me say i would leave because the lease was completely lop-sided. well, long story short....i agreed to leave but he wanted to me to commit to leaving in 30 days. WHY THE F*CK AM I BEING RUSHED OUT!?!?! you have crackheads upstairs, africans who use up the utilities like there is no tomorrow and me. truth be told, he doesn't like me because i do not allow him to be the slumlord he truly wants to be. whereas the other people are pretty low-class and don't care about much, i am like-um, fix this, do that, this is wrong, too loud, too this, too that, blah blah blah! i just had to call the cops on some folks playing their music too loud yesterday! come to find out, he had advertised for the apartment and none of the proposed changes are going to take place once i'm out- basically, he tricked me into believing that if i stayed, i would have to pay out the *ss. since he knew i wouldn't stand for that, i agreed to leave. but he never intended on making these changes. he knows me well enough to know i would leave and he could do whatever after i was gone. can you believe that after all of the madness that i have endured, i, ME, MISS FAB-U-LOUS F*CKING A is being treated this way? for now, i have to resist the urge to have someone whoop his ass, slash his tires, or spraypaint his van. or maybe even abduct him, hogtie him and drag him into the woods and make him listen to gasolina over and over while immigrants blew sawdust in his face repeatedly, let shampoo drip into his eyes burning him until he goes blind and then spray him with cold water until he begs for mercy. for now, i'll try to stick to the legal tricks and resist the temptation that would soothe my mind.

well, enter lawyers, and my team of people who are plotting our revenge...................stay tuned to find out what happens next!

Tagged & Bagged....SoWise, you rascal!

2006-06-01T09:08:00.000-04:00

as i was doing my reads in blogland....i realized i was tagged by SoWise (i really ain't mad cuz i am so cranky and in a mad funk this morning and didn't feel like posting about the drama...maybe monday for that-anyhoos)

my answers are as follows:

Keep it Real...

1. If you could be doing what you really want to be doing for a living, what would it be?

i would be some type of mega-star. doesn't matter what kind, i'd act (i'd need the bomb coach), i'd sing (i could get some good producers), or if i lost about 50 pounds, i'd be a model since i'm so tall...anything that would keep me in the paparazzi's lenses

2. If you could slap the shit out of any famous person, alive or dead, who would it be?

our president, all rappers that have diamonds in their mouths, beyonce (i'm tired of her hogging the spotlight and stealing kelly's shine), elvis presley for being a thief, kobe bryant-no explanations needed, lil jon for never getting a shave and haircut, carinne stefans (superhead) for being superhead, kimora lee simmons for thinking she is so damn fabulous but really she's a ghetto hoodrat that stumbled into money, that football player that gave that groupie herpes-i think his name is michael or randy vik, nick cannon for trying to be a rapper, whitney houston for shattering the voice and talent she once had by becoming the world's most famous crackhead, all rappers and sports players that have cornrows-LET THEM DIE LIKE THE JHERI CURL-PLEASE!, naomi campbell for having anger issues and for assaulting someone i know, diddy for doing that damn pro-active solutions commercial for a hairbump on his cheek AND last but not least, maxwell for taking so long to come out with another album

3. What's the dumbest decision you've made in the past 5 years?

to move into my current place

4. Give up one for a year: (good) sex or (good) music.

easy-sex

5. Dudes, would you rather have a big dick or a great sense of humor? Ladies, nice tits & azz or common sense?

titties eventually sag and asses spread and/or dimple, so i'll take the smarts

6. So you've been invited to an all expense paid Blogger Prom in The Bahamas. You're sitting at the bar on the beach. Which blogger do you want to join you for hours of good convo?

The L-she drinks hen-dog like a champ and has a smart mouth

7. Which blogger would you most like to cuddle with on the beach? (and don't defer to your current signif other either. Infidelity won't count against you. Duh.)

Shawn-he's just so sarcastic and funny...i'd hurt myself laughing and cooning with him

8. You're going on a 5 hour road trip...which 5 CDs do you bring?

jill scott-vol. 1,
my stevie wonder box set,
prince greatest hits,
erykah badu-mama's gun,
donny hathaway live or greatest hits AND
eric roberson fused into one cd (the vault 1.5 and esoteric movement)-SO WHAT!!! i cheated and i don't care

9. Would you rather bury your children young or have your children bury you young?

creepy question-PASS!

10. What's your biggest insecurity?

hmmmm....i don't know.

11.What's the first blog you read every day...or however often you read them?

suezette...mine are saved in alphabetical order and her address starts with ...., which comes before "a"

12. When's the last time you peed your pants?

i do it in my dreams all the time, but in real life, i can't remember. my cousin taught me how to go on the side of the road, so i just go if i can't wait to get to the appropriate facilities

13. Which was better, your first kiss or your first pay check?

DEFINITELY the first paycheck...i felt so accomplished. first kiss was a disaster and he made me feel like the amateur i was

14. Do you have kids? Want Kids?

i have one daughter, her name is starr baby.

i want 2-5 others in life...perhaps they'll be human

15. You get dropped off at home after the office holiday party by your bitch azz boss that you can't effing stand...you exit the car and he peels out, runs a red light at your corner and rolls up an unsuspecting midget. The next day the midget watch groups are on TV outraged at the heartless hit and run, and are calling for any witnesses to please come fwd...that half dead midget has a family at home waiting on C-mas presents. Would you take $1000 hush money? $500? $100? A six pack?

first off, i would never get a ride from him...but let's just say i did...it depends on the reward they offered for information. it would have to be at least 4 figures upwards of 5K for me to snitch. the community outpour would provide the midget's fam with christmas presents.

16. Live the rest of your life without your eyebrows or your fingernails?

eyebrows, i could draw them on

17. What makes you angry?

stupid silly chicks, most rappers and rap songs, my slumlord, people who listen but don't hear, bad drivers

18. What makes you horny?

storms, cheeseburgers with everything on it & crocodile skin luggage

19. What makes you nervous?

large groups or random strange-looking inner city people, that includes all ethnicities-yeah, i said it! when you've been robbed and seen crimes committed in your face, you tend to be leary.

20. What makes you smile?

puppies and cats, good food, good music, fresh flowers, sweet text messages, chocolate, justice, shoes, nice old people, & surprises

if you want, answer these on your page too!

There Once Was An Old Lady.........

2006-05-30T08:18:00.000-04:00

WORD OF THE DAY:: annoy (v.) To cause slight irritation to (another), annoying, annoys

sooooooooo, i trust everyone had a lovely memorial day weekend. i decided to take a trip over to my grandmother's house since i hadn't seen her in a while. now, her house is known as "the house that jack built" because there are countless (and strange) random people always taking residence there. this has always been an issue for me-hence the reason i don't go visit often. i love my grandmother (i'm her favorite!) but i cannot stand all of the foolywangs that hang around.

so let's take into account: she is 70-something and currently allows the oldest granddaughter (my cousin) to live there, her boyfriend and her two kids, 3 & 11. cousin and boyfriend don't really like each other anymore, but he still stays there, so they have separate rooms. will the whino has been there for years. cousin man (he's new & i don't know him) just moved in from i-don't-know-where and brought his son who is about 11. friend arlene who tries to validate her residence by acting like my grandmother's personal assistant. youngest cousin and his girlfriend who just had their kid...whoops, they were fighting too much so they went next door to my aunt's, but the chick got tired and headed off to ny, so young cousin is back by himself. these are the people that LIVE there. now i have 3 cousins (not counting young one), the oldest that lives with grandmother and the other 2 live next door with my aunt. they all have 2 kids, well, actually one has 3 kids, so that's a total of 7 kids running around my grandmother's house at all times because she is also the babysitter.

needless to say, there is waaaaaaaay too much action going on over there and i enjoy peace and quiet. not to mention, it is annoying to know that my grandmother allows herself to be taken advantage of in such a huge way. only one of the "residents" assists with the house and maybe a bill or two. otherwise, my granny is the type that cooks big ass meals, is always doing something and if you are walking down the street looking hungry and/or homeless, she'll tell you to come on in!

sometimes i think i'm the green sheep of my family cuz i just can't get with all of that. perhaps i am really a mean person, but i know people will use you up till your friggin well runs dry..so i do not support or try to support others. i do not believe it is fair for other people to have to live with and shoulder the results of decisions you made in life, even if they just roll with it like my grandmother. i love ya, but i gotta take care of my damn self. i'm not cooking for you or your damn kids...i'm not babysitting (unless i REALLY feel like it and you pay me-but that hasn't happened in years)...i'm not picking you up or dropping you off anywhere (unless you holla at my gas tank)...i'm not buying you things that you need while you buy things you want...and i am NOT sacrificing my tranquility to sit amongst bad ass hollering kids, drunk nobody's and lazy family members.

call it selfish, but i call it self-preservation. no one is gonna run me ragged or crazy with their mess...i've got my own!

Welcome to Miss A's Bootleg Paparazzi Agency - Mission 1 - MY IDIOTASTIC NEIGHBORS

2006-05-25T09:00:00.000-04:00

*if you can't take a joke, you should exeunt right...about...now*

well bloggies, we've shot the ideas back and forth a few times...and i never thought i would actually be able to do it. but ALAS, i have gone on a mission to obtain pictures of my neighbors since i have shared so many stories about them with all of you. i'm sure you wondered what they may look like and today, you will have to wonder no more. let me say...this was a very difficult mission. it took me about 2 weeks to obtain shots of all of them due to the varying schedules and other antics that were going on. also, keep in mind, you will have to look closely cuz even tho i had a ball, i'm technically an amatuer. i had some camera malfunctions, hard angles, and difficulty getting position. the words may be small, but pull out your bifocals and/or magnifying glass (shawn :-P) so you can see better. next time, i'll have to get the high power equipment. now, if you do not know of my african neighbors (adam, olivia and tashi), it would behoove you to track back a little and read THIS before you continue. now, i should explain that i took these pictures as i observed my neighbors conducting their regular activities while i crouched in windows and hid in corners. up first.......adam and tashi (husband and wife)

i have not seen olivia (the sister) for quite some time. i believe she is held captive upstairs and is forced to oversee all de-furring, slicing and grilling of the wild animals adam captures. due to her current chore sentence, she is never seen outdoors, making it impossible to view her. use your imagination and envision her in your mind...she looks kinda like adam in a bad curly wig.

now onto the creme de la creme, your favorite blog neighbors and mine - pablo and margarita. again, if you are not familiar with them, take a moment to introduce yourself HERE and HERE before continuing. i'm telling you, it will help tie everything together.

anyhoos, i figured i should expound upon the fact that we all know margarita has returned since the infamous 4AM street fight incident. but let me share the deets since she's been back. she stayed away for ONE week. on her third day back, i was in my living room watching tv and i heard the familiar door slam and heavy footsteps. (grab the camera!) she stormed down the stairs screaming "I'M NOT GETTING HIGH FOR YOU MUTHA-FUCKA!! I'M NOT LOSING MY LIFE FOR NOBODY. I LIKE MY LIFE, MUTHA-FUCKA, SHIIIIIIT" what in fresh hell is going on? of course, i position myself to obtain some shots because she parked her funky ass on the front stairs which is right by my l.r. window. but as i was twitching and shifting in the window, i couldn't help but wonder...what the hell is she talking about? smoking to the point of dying? hmmmmm....i sincerely doubt that she is referring to weed, cuz who dies from that? so it had to be something serious like heroin or crack (or some new stuff i've never even heard of). my vote is for CRACK and i'll tell you why. (1) when i first moved in, pablo used to stand around outside and watch me intently. finally i spoke to him and once he opened his mouth i noticed, he had approximately 6-8 teeth. (2) pablo became stranger and stranger...he would stand across the street to look at me, he would sit on the front steps and watch me as i pulled in to park and STARE like he was retarded. (3) during the 4AM fight, i overheard him telling the cop that margie was stealing from him, hence his rage and insistence to throw her out-did she steal his stash? did she steal his crack savings? hmmmmmmmmm.... (4) pablo rents a garage but two times a day-EVERY DAY, he takes his very old (not vintage, just raggedy) mustang out and parks it on the street, puts it back in the garage, back on the street....then back to the garage. sometimes, his car will be five houses down on the other side of the street. why would he park so far away when he has a garage on the property? (5) not to mention, these people have NO shame. they fight like cats and dogs and don't care who hears them. i think drugs makes you fearless and careless, so i say-CRACK IT IS!!!

after i marinated on these thoughts, i got scared, cuz i'm like-these folks are crazy. they have their biz all in the streets and now i have CONFIRMATION that at least one of them is under the influence of something serious. as my mind continued to wander, margie stayed parked on the stairs for a minute. she even stayed and chatted up a passer-by (before pablo came outside). so i got some prime pics and they went a little something like this..............

(i actually felt sorry for her in this shot cuz she looks so stressed and confused.)

***on the update front, this past sunday, as i lay asleep-2:00 AM delivered margarita crying and screaming down the stairs. i only heard tidbits.....but i did hear the word "REHAB" (i don't know if she was suggesting it to him or referring to herself-DANG!) then she said (to pablo) "i only said that to see what you were about" pablo chases her down the stairs shouting "i'm about good family, dammit. that's what i'm about" margarita responds by saying " all i know is that i never want you to speak to me again ever." they took the rest of the argument outdoors, still within earshot. of course, i was fuming because, HELLO!! i have to go to work in the morning while pablo just has to play musical cars all day and she chain smokes. and WTF did pablo mean by his "good family" comment? did he mean that the family that fights together, lights together? if i'm a crackhead, you are too? the day margie sat on the stairs upset at his request to "get high", he eventually came outside and told her "you know it's my rules, right? you know that right?" she just stood by the car door and waited for him to unlock it. anyhoos, the next day, i went to the police station and to my dismay, there is really nothing that can be done to these fools. (not really surprised) the police never really seem to be able to "do anything" when you need them to and when you go about things "the right way" without taking the law into your own hands. so me, the quiet, extremely clean, always paying my rent on time, never hear a peep from neighbor has to just live with the crack head, always fighting, shouting in the streets and flaunting their drug habit neighbors until i move. only real option is to call the cops every time they fight and have them come out and hopefully witness their madness.

BWAAAAAAAHHHH HA HA.....AAHHHHHHH HA HA HA HAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

she lurks in the closet, she hides in the trees
she'll post all your pics and report what she sees
she'll put you on blast and make fun of you
and let people see that you're such a big fool
whether crackhead or immigrant, or regular joe
no one is exempt, so make sure you know
to watch what you do and watch what you say
someone could be watching - it could be MISS A.

HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE PICS (& THE DRAMA) AND NOW YOU CAN MATCH FACES WITH THE NAMES SPRINKLED THROUGHOUT MY LITTLE OL' BLOG!!!

DRUMROLL PLEASE...............

2006-05-24T09:37:00.000-04:00

Get your own countdown at BlingyBlob.com

Stresses of Life and The Art of Jumping

2006-05-22T08:49:00.000-04:00

gotta love negroes!!! just GOTTA LOVE EM!!!!!!!!!! so, i'm driving home and am about to merge onto the parkway. as i did, i noticed that no one was coming from the southern direction. hmmmmmmmm...it's rush hour....anyhoos, i peek over the median and see nothing but bumper to bumper cars, not moving an inch and people outside of their cars looking into the distance. well, i figured that must have been one doozy of a car accident. maybe something blew up. maybe pieces flew over the median onto the south side. maybe there are bodies. maybe there's a hostage situation. maybe a gorilla escaped from the zoo, kidnapped someone's kid and is sitting in the middle of rush hour traffic playing paddy-cake.

as wendy williams and i cackled all the way home, i took note of how far back the cars were and not ONE was moving. dang! would hate to be on that side....maybe the news will be reporting the deal later. i get home, surf some channels and there's nothing. dang-what's the deal!?!? it had to be juicy....CRAP!!

well, early in the morn..........TA-DA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the unveiling of what the friggin hold-up was on the parkway...i present
"NIGGAS IS A BEAUTIFUL THANG!!!!!!" - Honeycutt, from the movie Bamboozled

A 37-year-old man distraught over an old criminal conviction and a recent breakup with his fiancée threatened to jump from a Garden State Parkway overpass in Irvington yesterday, spawning miles-long backups during rush hour as police shut down the highway in both directions.

Deon White, an Irvington resident, spent more than two hours clinging to a chain-link fence atop the Union Avenue overpass, his feet too big for the sliver of a ledge on which they rested, before Irvington detectives and State Police hostage negotiators talked him down at about 8:10 p.m., Irvington Police Chief Michael Chase said.

A fall would have sent White at least 40 feet to the pavement.
"It was the professional response of all the officers involved that brought this to a calm resolution," Chase said. Authorities closed the Parkway between Exits 142 and 143B shortly after White clambered over the overpass' fence around 6 p.m., as thousands of motorists headed home for the evening.

To the north, traffic backed up to Exit 148 in Bloomfield. To the south, brake lights stretched as far as 10 miles, State Police estimated.
White was taken to University Hospital in Newark, where he was placed under psychological evaluation. Police charged him with creating a hazardous situation, Chase said.
The chief, who was among those participating in the negotiations, said White told them he was depressed because his fiancée had broken up with him and because he believed he had been coerced into pleading guilty to a crime he said he didn't commit.
Public records show White was convicted of aggravated criminal sexual contact in 1994.
"He said he was convinced to plead guilty to something he didn't do and that it ruined his life," Chase said. "He wanted to make his fiancee aware that what she was told was false."

In a conversation that Chase said was tense at times, White threatened repeatedly to jump from the overpass as he explained his troubles. Officers from both agencies worked to calm him, putting him on a telephone with his fiancée, who agreed to meet him at the hospital, Chase said.
The chief said officers also agreed to White's request that they at least look at his criminal case to see if it could be reopened. Details of the case were not immediately available.

Desaree Lowe watched the scene unfold from the corner of her porch on Union Avenue. Shortly after 8 p.m., she said, an Irvington officer approached and asked if anyone could spare a cigarette. White needed a smoke.
Lowe, 42, said she gave the officer her last Newport menthol. (niggas is a beautiful thang!) Minutes later, White allowed officers to cut the fence. Then he squeezed through to safety.
"The man needs some prayer," Lowe said. "He probably needed someone to talk to." (that, and your very last Newport menthol)
Chase said he had some previous knowledge of White, who had been arrested several times on minor charges over the years. That familiarity, the chief said, helped him build a rapport with White.
"We were able to calm him down and get him to talk to us," the chief said, crediting a host of officers, principally State Police hostage negotiator Frank Cruz.

ok, i do not even know where to start with this train wreck of a story. but let me state my honest opinion (1) there are too many questions here. he's JUST NOW getting upset about a 1994 conviction? (2) did his fiancee just find out, therefore prompting her to break up with him? (3) why is this just now being discovered and you are about to marry someone? (4) he obviously is not an upstanding citizen being that his "several arrests" on minor charges over the years built his rapport with the police officers. (5) PEOPLE, do your research on your mates!! background checks, credit reports, high school love letters-all that!!! but i find it hard to believe that ms. fiancee truly had no clue that this guy was a bum...with or without his 12 year old conviction. (6) he never intended on jumping cuz if he did, he would have...no conversation, no smoking, no dilly-dallying...none of that. if you are trying to kill yourself calmly and slowly-STAY AT THE HOUSE! take your time, watch some tv, smoke your crack, eat some spam, slit one wrist, get some ice-cream, slit the other wrist, take a bath, comb your hair and lay it down. but if you are trying to do something public, get it popping and let's move on so people can get on with their plans (7) i believe that the police department should be able to lay out a safety net and shoot the perpetrator with a tranquilizer dart, making them fall to safety...letting people get on with their day. kinda like those quick inflate rafts, just pull the plug, *BAM* shoot in the neck or ass and *THUD* drag em to jail. (8) the people who are inconvenienced should be able to participate in a drive-by "town-hall" like heckle-fest. (i think this should apply to people who cause senseless accidents that delay traffic also. not like when your brakes go, but when you are speeding, talking on the phone, putting on your shirt and eating, while balancing your checkbook kind of accidents) once the perpetrator is captured and/or subdued, people should be able to throw rotten tomatoes and eggs at them, shout obscenities and throw trash. just a little retribution for their inconvenience...someone had to get home to take some medicine or pay a bill before someplace closed, feed or pick up their kids, go to the bathroom or something really important to them. (9) back to mr. dummy, if he was so beat about his "false" conviction, why didn't he pull this in 1994 or 95? this smells fishy! (10) since he thinks his life is so misunderstood, what did he think this stunt was gonna do? earn him the purple heart of courage? (11) NIGGAS IS A BEAUTIFUL THANG!! (12) that fall would not have killed him...it was only forty feet (unless he fell on his head/neck). again i say, he was not trying to kill himself...he just would've been a little jacked up (13) and if i was the ex-fiancee, i am NOT getting on the phone with you NOR am i meeting your crazy ass at the hospital. obviously, you are either a scumbucket (hence the conviction, other arrests and breakup) AND/OR YOU ARE A PSYCHO, so if you jump, then your crazy butt can't come around bothering/harrassing/stalking me cuz i broke up with you (this puts me in the mind of the yvette cade from oprah whose husband burned her after she left him) and if you don't jump, the fact is-you showed me your CRAZAY card, so i NOW KNOW you have it in you to go coo-coo for cocoa puffs and i have NADA to say to you...hello? we just broke up, didn't we? if we couldn't work it out before, we ain't working it out on the damn bridge or in the loony bin (14) don't you just LOOOOOOVE how the neighbor sacrificed her very last Newport cigarette for a loon? (15) why was it necessary for us to know the brand of cigarette? (16) i can just see the neighbor in her housecoat and hair-rollers telling the reporters, "make sure ya'll write that i gave him my last newport, cuz ray-ray never got up to get me a new pack and i was just about to light that up cuz i didn't get my check today and the baby has diarrhea, and herman done left me again, but i saw a brotha in need so i gave it to him...ya got dat? that's NEWPORT, MENTHOLS in the green and white soft pack! psssst...can i get some newports for participatin' in this here tragedy? just send them to desaree with two E's." (17) did i say niggas is a beautiful thang?

*of course, death is not funny, but since that fool didn't die (or even jump), ya'll know i had to make fun of this story. also, committing suicide is no laughing matter, so i hope you know #5 is a joke. be easy bloggies. whoa, why am i explaining? ya'll know how i do-PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!*

STAY TUNED FOR THURSDAY'S POST...MY PAPPARRAZI STINT IS OVER, TASK IS COMPLETE AND IT SHALL BE INTERESTING!!!

AND THE WINNER IS............

2006-05-18T08:24:00.000-04:00

JOANIE, JOANIE, JOANIE!!!!!!!!!!

SIKE YOUR MIND!!!!! you guys really thought she was gonna win, didn't ya?!?!

GO TEAM DANIELLE!!!!! WHOOPEE!!! YIPPEE!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!

YES, people, DANIELLE WON!!!!!!!!! can you believe it? well, it should have been obvious. but we'll get into that later. for now, let's chat about the episode. of course, the finale always includes a covergirl commercial, a covergirl beauty shot and a fashion show.
first up, the commercial....lawd help. they all struggle with their lines and jade's fuggy ass needed cue cards cuz she was just a hot M-E-S-S!!!!!! she was bobbing her head like a chicken and her hair look a fright!

next up, the beauty shots............
danielle's is definitely the prettiest, but i think it is waaaaaaaaaaay too airbrushed. it almost doesn't look like her...but it's still FABULOUS!!!!

jade-BOO! HATE the slick-back...she looks all of 26, maybe even 36 years old and very sneaky....BLEH!!!

IG'NANCE OF THE DAY:: "my look is just in a different realm...people just can't handle it"-jade-ARGH!! girl, i'm sooooooooo glad you got sent home first! i guess the rest of the nation will just have to live without you as a winner cuz we can't hadle how great you are....we suck

joanie-i agree with miss jay that this pic is very tight in the mouth area. she kinda looks like uma thurman to me in this. it's ok, but nothing exceptional.

so miss jade was sent home first (THANK YOU!), leaving the walk-off between joanie and danielle

NEXT UP...the fashion show. it was on a river with a VERY elaborate runway that seemed to span at least a mile. the runway was covered with slippery flower petals and the clothes were very exotic!!! LOVED IT!!! let me say, joanie bored the pants off of me with her first walk. she was constantly looking down, her face was oh-so-blahzay and she was "walking like she was in the mall" according to nigel barker, one of the judges. miss danielle came out with the FIYAH!!!!!!! she was stomping and winking, prancing and she even slipped-but kept her composure.

on the second walk, joanie stepped it up, but it was too little, too late. i was very unimpressed with her. onto the judging.........

now as we know, tyra and the judges have been on danielle about her country accent and people thought she wouldn't win because of it. but let's compare...danielle started out fierce and remained consistent the WHOLE TIME!! joanie was good, bad, boring, ok, great, hmmmmm...it was like a rollercoaster. not to mention, she was extremely boring to look at in person. she wasn't adjusting well to her new shiny teeth..she just couldn't shake that wallflower personality. so, in retrospect, danielle only had one issue and joanie had a couple. all danielle has to do is hire a speech coach and that's why she WON!!!!!!!!!

i am sooooooooooo glad tyra chose a real, down-home brown skinned black girl to hold the title. nothing against eva and naima, but danielle is what's up!!!!!!!

CONGRATS!!!!! let's hope she gets busy and has a great, long successful career!!!!!!!!!

Watch out!! Papparrazi on the Loose!

2006-05-15T08:11:00.000-04:00

[*sidebar:: you guys are on point with your ANTM predictions & such* ;-), hope you caught the marathon this weekend on vh1-WOOT WOOT!!!]

lawd have mercy!!!!!!! let me first say...PAPPARRAZZI I AM NOT!!!! now, if you keep up with this blog, you know that my couthless neighbors have recurring roles all up and thru here. at some bloggie's request AND at an attempt to tie all of my stories together, i have gone on a mission to provide pictures of these people to post for all to see. well, thank heavens for my day job, because my mission was quite the M-E-S-S!!!

also, know that i am still going to provide pics for you guys as soon as i can...but i had no idea it would be so difficult obtaining them.

second...SHE'S BAAAAAAAACCCCCCK! oh yes, margarita is back already. ^@@$#^*%#$@^ as i lay watching movies, i heard her, i smelled her, the floors vibrated and the windows shook. it was margie, making her louder-than-ever way up to the third floor. %@$#@^&@^#@#% only one week!! ONE FRIGGIN WEEK!!!! people haven't even had a chance to act like they forgot about last week's ghetto death match-DANG!!! and you would think she would come in quietly, humbly..perhaps giving an effort to (mis)lead the neighbors into thinking she's learned lesson # 1-BE QUIET!!!! but OH NO!!!

third, it was at this point that i sprung into action-BOOTLEG-PAPPARRAZI-R-US is now open for business and i was going to get these pics. hmmmmmm, how would i do this? we rarely physically cross paths, so i would have to literally get my papp on-YES! lurking in corners, hiding in closets, peeking thru windows, etc. before i go into my adventures, i want to send shouts out to the real picture snappers of the world because this is no easy task. i see why they get paid so much money-YOU...CAN...GET...HURT!!!!!!

ok, so i grabbed my trusty dusty camera and every time i heard a door close or foot hit the stairs, i sprang up to see who it was and where they were. first up...adam, olivia and tashi. i was in bed, just waking up, but i heard their door and it was time to rise. i shot to the window and aimed my lens toward their crap-mobile. well, tashi headed to the car while adam emptied some trash *SNAP* got her. adam was more difficult. he was looking all around, carrying stuff and *SNAP* damn...not a good one, got the back of his head. olivia, well, she was nowhere in site. as the day goes on i hear LOUD footsteps...therefore i know it's someone from the 3rd floor. YES!!! it's pablo!! i crash into the window hoping to get a prime shot as he pulled his car out of the garage but after about 33 seconds, no pablo. so i sprinted to the living room and DAMN! he's walking up the street to the store...too far...bad shot. the day progresses and i am feeling hopeless about getting the money shots i need. then *BAM* i hear it again. loud steps, loud mouth..IT'S MARGIE!! WHOOPPEE!! she decides to be the classy lass she is and smoke on the front stairs-right by my window. this is gonna be hard, cuz she's right there...she could see me. i jump behind my television (almost knocking it over), trample a few plants and try to get position, but it's too hard. the angle she's at, my close proximity, all the noise and laughing i'm doing could ruin my chances. DAMN! she looks my way....ok, ok, ice cold, ice cold...what to do!?!?!? *SNAP* too close *SNAP* WTF!?!?!? angles are all off!!! and she's gone-HOT DIGGITY DAMN!!!!!! i decided to take a well-deserved rest. a few moments later, *door close* must be 2nd floor people...YES!!! it's adam.....i spring up from my cozy pallette and *SNAP* gotcha!!!!!!!!! so ok, i'm 2 out of 4 or 5 (if we count olivia-who is the quietest and doesn't do much, except maybe skin the zebras and antelopes, but she does it quietly...but i'll never forget the snowstorm and that's the only reason i'll try to get her). i hang up my trusty dusty cam for the day-i'm BEAT!

sunday morning, the bed is warm, the tv is on...i'm snug as a bug in a rug..then *SLAM* door close, heavy footsteps...THIRD FLOOR!!! i hurry to turn on the cam and say freak it...i'm gonna get this one! i jump in my closet which has a small opening by which to spy thru. after climbing over some clothes & shoe mountains with my elbow lodged in a hamper, i perch myself perfectly in the closet. DAMN!!! DAMN!!! DAMN!!! too late...he's already out the door!! would have been a bad shot!! as i tried to back out of the closet, i crashed into a table, stabbing myself in the lower back and almost dying of laughter (and pain)-GEEZ! this is a toughie...margie on the other hand must have gotten the memo (late in the game) that nobody wants to see her bad bleached hair and loud mouth so she never resurfaced for the rest of the weekend.

NEXT UP!!! BOOTLEG PAPPARRAZI TAKE TWO!!! WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN I COME FOR YOU!?!?! LOL!!!

Top Mogwai::Week 10 - Beach Dreams

2006-05-11T09:21:00.000-04:00

IG'NANCE OF THE DAY:: "joanie doesn't have a lingerie body...i think i do" jade about joanie at her go-see

YIKES AND EGADS!!!!!!!!! sara finnally got eliminated, therefore jade has made it to the TOP 3-CACKLE, BARF, GAG! (i knew it was gonna happen, but to see it is totally different) anyhoos, if we all didn't know, sara was the girl who at 6'1" was "discovered" to be on the show while strolling thru the mall one day. some of the girls had become bothered by her because of this and were doubting her drive and dedication to becoming a top model, especially since she kinda fell into the competition. well, last night's ep was about go-sees (auditions with thai designers). the ladies met up with a former thai model to get their portfolios, instructions and map for the day.

she went over some very simple thai customs with them to use on their go-sees and sent them on their way. all the girls had to remember was (1) take your shoes off before going in, (2)smile, thai people will like that and think they are friendly and (3) bring them a small gift. and they were off! they had 4 hours and had to ride in tut-tuts. the ex-model stressed that they had to be back at the hotel by 4:30.

a lot of the girls were struggling with directions, but they did okay, i guess. danielle forgot to take her shoes off at one of the offices and jade never smiled. well, due to horrible thai traffic, sara, danielle, and joanie were a little late getting back. but miss jade decided that since she was late already, she might as well go see the last designer-making everyone wait an hour and 40 minutes.

what a skank!!! after receiving their critiques, the winner of the challenge was danielle-but because everyone was late-no one got the prize. (gasp!) and the prize was 2 racks of fine thai couture and lingerie *smh*

moving right along...the girls were gonna do their shoot at a beach that was affected by the tsunami. a lot of them were shaken up by their surroundings, especially danielle. they were going to model swimsuits for elle and elle, girl magazines and the goal was to appear more soft than fierce.

if i may say so, joanie is looking a little poochy in this pic...her stomach is rather bloaty, so i see what jade could have been speaking of.

ONTO THE PICS.............

danielle-well, the pic is cool, but the judges slammed her for not posing appropriately. they said this was more for a men's mag than elle (which is true) but she stills looks good. her face is flawless, but her pose is a little porny. in my opinion, she has the best body though. joanie looks funny with her wop-body, jade's hips are a little large in proportion to the rest of her and i see sara's ribs a little more than i would like. so GO TEAM DANIELLE!

jade-i must be going crazy for what i'm about to say...but i actually like this pic of her. she looks like a sweet young lady instead of an alien or transvestite. only thing is she could have used some peach or pink lip gloss cuz she looks like she has smoker's lips (bleh)

joanie-well, this was a good pic for her, altho its not my favorite. the judges said she looks younger...i agree. her expression is a tad bit boring, but it's cool.

sara-well, i actually liked this pic of her cuz she not pursing those lips of hers and she wasn't looking at the camera. oh well, too little, too late!

so the finale is coming up and it's down to jade (@%^$#@%), danielle and joanie...WHO DO YOU WANT TO WIN? DO YOU THINK YOUR PIC WILL ACTUALLY WIN?

It's About To Be a WHAT!?!?! A FISTFIGHT!!!!!!!!!!

2006-05-08T07:44:00.000-04:00

ooooh chile, you won't BELIEVE the madness that occurred this weekend!!! let's get right to it....so, saturday, i had a very relaxing day. as night fell, i nestled on into bed and headed off to sleep. well, around 4:09 AM, there arose such a clatter...BOOM, BAM, CA-RASH!!!!! i sat up, looking like WTF!?!?! the cat was just as startled and confused...but i took it back down. well, about 12 seconds later hear comes the boom "GET THE F*CK OUTTA MY HOUSE!" that was pablo from upstairs on the 3rd floor. "AY AY AY, CHI, CHI, CHI, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH" that's margarita...they're at it again. their fights are usually very serious...filled with shouting, screaming, cussing, throwing, pushing, and other domestic noises. well, the shouting goes on for about 30 more minutes and i'm thinking, if i can hear them so clearly, i know adam, olivia and tashi on the second floor have prime front row seats to this blood match. but at this hour, i'm growing very irritated. i contemplate calling my landlord, but that would've been pointless cuz he's an idiot, so i go and record the issue & time on my dry-erase board that is filled with complaints against these two. as i get back into bed....BOOM, POW, ZAM!!!! dang, are they wrestling? should i call the police? really, i wanted to go stand in the hallway and scream "SHUT THE F*CK UP!"

well, about 3 minutes later, heres comes margie, storming down the stairs.."FINE, I'M LEAVING THEN" "YEAH, GET OUT!" "FINE, BYE, BYYYYYYYYYYYYE!!!" all of this noise is taking place in the stairway right by my place...i am FUMING!!! well, they decide to take the argument outside. so there they are, shouting and fighting in the street....now i REALLY want to yell out the window, but if they said something back like "YOU shut the f*ck up"...well, let's just say, there would have been a riot. so i sat there and finally decide to call the police. as soon as i come to this conclusion, i hear up, down, up, down, running and banging up and down the stairs. so i look out of the window again and it's pab, dropping garbage bag after garbage bag of margie's stuff on the sidewalk. there's a policeman standing right by the door, so someone beat me to it. i see two negroes picking the bags up so i thought it was adam and tashi. well, i couldn't see too well out of my closet wondow perched on top of my hamper, so i went into the living room which also had better sound. it wasn't adam and tashi, but two negroes from across the street taking the stuff over there. there was another police officer over at that house and some random watchers just taking it all in. then, the negroes start going at it "where all this stuff gon' go?" "i don't know" "yip, yip yip, yack, yack, yack" WHAT A HOOT!!!! finally, after about the 12th bag, pab stands next to the policeman (right under my window) and chats it up a bit. "yeah, officer, she picked the lock and i was like-who is it and she was like me and i was like-what you want? and she was like-my clothes. and i said get outta here, cuz you ain't gonna be stealing from me and that's how it started." after i got the whodunit, where and why of the situation, i went back to bed.

moral of the story::if you have to fight your partner, kick them all in the street, cuss them like they stole something (or if you DID steal something)...maybe you shouldn't be together. if you have to consistently throw dem bows, and swang dem thangs, then learn when to throw in the towel. some things just aren't worth it. this makes complaint # 42 against these nuts. will it ever end? i'm just glad i survived ths one...let us pray that one day before i move and when they try to really kill each other, the bullet doesn't go through the floor and strike me as i sleep.

Top Mogwai::Week 9 - Crazy for Ladies' Legs

2006-05-04T08:29:00.000-04:00

IG'NANCE OF THE DAY:: "i'm not intimidated by joanie...she's just not on my level." - jade

let's get to it!!!! as we know, the ladies are in thailand. can you believe that FUFU got sent home last night? i am reeeaaaaaaaaallly disappointed. even though i'm on team danielle, i would have enjoyed seeing JADE or SARA sent home before fufu. ok, she was all over the place, looking like a frightened, spastic crackhead a lot...but i still feel like she had more ambition in her pinky toe than big, confused sara. seriously, sara looks like someone just clubbed her over the head and drug her to the competition. anyhoos, the models had a lesson in thai dancing which is very precise and elegant.

the whole time, danielle was feeling quite barfy and ended up collapsing and being escorted to the hospital. turns out she's dehydrated and has mild food poisoning. because of her hospital stint, she missed the dance competition where the girls had to dress in formal thai garb and get their dance on in front of an audience.

of course, jade thought she was on point, sara looked like a wounded antelope with a stick up her butt, joanie did very well (and won the challenge), and fufu.........well, fufu looked kinda like this.....

honey, poor fufu looked like gator from jungle fever, just shaking and fluttering all over the place. i swear she did the cabbage patch and the running man at least twice. the whole audience was cracking up-poor fufu.those nerves will getcha every time!

so danielle busts outta the hospital against doctor's orders and heads back to the hotel. i figure that was a smart move cuz i mean, it was just a little food poisoning and dehydration. she had an IV so she got some fluids back and after some quality purging and resting, she'll be fine. didn't want to see her sent home for missing anymore of the competition...and WHAT A TROOPER!!! the ladies had a shoot for venus razors so the point was to show off their legs. they went deep into the thai jungle on elephants to pose. i think they looked great! check em out!!

GORGEOUS!!! she looks so regal up there...nothing more to say except go team danielle!!!!!!!

fufu-well, she looks a little uncomfortable to me. i could do without the view of her trap cuz it just accentuates her boniness. lord, someone please feed this child!!! 5-10 pounds would make such a difference in her life

jade-HATE THIS PIC!!! the way her bone structure is really makes it difficult to look graceful. her eyebrow line, cheekbones and chin look "razor" sharp...not to mention, she looks like she's laying on a surfboard learning how to swim and was photoshopped onto the elephant's back. just a mess! BOO!

joanie-great pic. great face, great legs. great pose. she really worked this one. i think her new teeth have given her the confidence of 10 women. she worked that elephant like he was her own personal pet. i like this one alot.

sara-what can i say? i'm so bored with her. she had the nerve to bite joanie and pretty much copy every pose she did during her shoot. that is so wack! and this pic looks like she's dry-humping the poor elephant...if she's not sent home next, i'm gonna scream! and her left foot looks huge-BLEH!

now, at judging, it came down to fufu and jade. i'm tired of tyra putting jade in the bottom 2, and never sending her ass home! she's been in the bottom 2 almost every week, except for about 3 times. and every time-they talk about her arrogance and miss-know-it-all demeanor. they even check her for thinking she knows it all, and has yet to become a supermodel....but she still gets chance after chance. jade is like an ingrown toenail...you see it, feel it...it gets on your nerve, but sometimes you don't feel like fighting to remove it. well, i'd fight till the death to send her ass back to the "belly." LOL! she's starting to look a little michael jackson-esque and i'm sick of her mouth. i swear, if i were on that show, we would have had an altercation already. honestly, i'd rather see sara's doofy self stay longer than jade cuz she knows she sucks therefore she just fades into the background. but jade sucks and thinks she's hot! anyhoos, ya'll know who my vote is for so, i'll keep hope alive that she'll get the boot.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? ARE YOU SAD THAT FUFU IS GONE? WHO SHOULD BE NEXT?

I Hope You Burn In Hell

2006-05-03T16:25:00.000-04:00

as i now sit in awe, watching oprah, my heart and eyes weep for this beautiful woman who was set on fire by her crazy husband. a husband that was previously abusive, a husband whom she tried to keep away from her by instituting the wonderful paperwork that is supposed to protect good people from the crazies. in fact, when yvette went to court to try and find some solace within the judicial system...it went like this:

(taken from actual voice recordings)

YVETTE: “He is violating the peace order. He is contacting my family, intimidating my daughter. He is contacting me and vandalizing other people’s property. I want you to look at these pictures but what I really would like is an immediate divorce…”

JUDGE: (interrupting her) “And I’d like to be 6’5” but it doesn’t work that way. You have to go to divorce court for that”

YVETTE: “Well, I want you to look at these pictures because…”

JUDGE: (interrupting again) “This case is dismissed at the request of the petitioner”

husband continued to stalk her, harrass her family, vandalize property, violate all of said paperwork...and one day he simply walked into her place of business with a sprite bottle full of gasoline, doused her and set her ablaze. she can't do much by herself. her arms freeze up. her skin peels, cracks and ripples. she has to wear garments that are extremely tight to prevent the rippling/bumping of the skin. she cleaned what is left of her right ear and pulled out ashes. she has had over 12 surgeries and stayed in the hospital for 17 months.

my mind is having a very difficult time digesting this. FURTHERMORE, i sit here watching her laugh and smile and speak of how her life must go on. to have been a victim of such violence and have the strength to even form a smile, let alone go on oprah and address the nation is beyond me......but it is awesome. and i just wanted to say two things:

yvette cade is the most beautiful person i have ever seen

and

i hope her husband burns in hell

actually, i wish someone could set his ass on fire right now...waiting to die to spend eternal damnation on fire is too easy...he should suffer now....bastard

Use Me Up, USE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-05-01T08:06:00.000-04:00

"men use women, women use men...you just gon' have to accept the fact that you gon' be used" - juanita (tyrese's mother) from baby boy

so i was sitting around chit-chatting with mom and bf about some people i used to associate with. there were some funny stories and there was some bitterness. have you ever been used, and i mean, BLATANTLY used and you just went along with it? well, i have. now, before everyone gets out their ginsu knives to slit my throat.....the purpose of this post is to see where you guys stand on this particular subject. along with my little anecdote, i will attempt to tie in a serious topic that was on a popular tv show this week.

MY LITTLE STORY: i knew this chick since i was about 11 years old. we weren't close, but we spoke whenever we saw each other. well, she is getting married. i am invited. i accept. there is a "bridal gathering" the night before the wedding. i (and my best friend) arrive and see a lot of materials and arts & crafts stuff. the godmother of this chick tries to get everyone pumped by exclaiming "we're gonna make the flower arrangements tonight-YAY!" i look at friend, she looks at me and we're like whatever. somehow, the group gets separated...leaving me and friend on one side of the room and the other ladies at the other preparing to play games. we are then buried in fake flowers, scissors, ribbon, etc and asked to make bouquets, etc. now, i'm like-WTF!?!?! not that i wanted to kick it with the other girls (cuz i didn't like them anyway) but i did not come to work. AND they didn't even have wire cutters, so i was supposed to "cut" wire with scissors-yeah right. but friend and i were like-well, let's just be nice. the godmother then tried to console me by saying "you're an artist, you can do it better than us." i just hung my head and pulled some type of floral concoctions from the air and left long after everyone else. WEDDING DAY: i arrive at the godmother's house, looking fresh to death in a fly black pantsuit. as soon as my toe hits the doorstep, i am whisked away in to the kitchen. "hey, miss a, could you make the wedding cake? you're an artist, you would do better than us. the cakes are done, but they need to be turned into a wedding cake." i'm thrown an apron, some icing, a knife and left in the kitchen. i drag friend in there with me, completely in awe at this request.
1-i don't really like these people in the first place. 2-i am dressed to attend a wedding, not work at one. 3-i already went above and beyond the night before. 4-i thought about the bride who did not know her trifling people left her wedding day in shambles, all unorganized. 5-i had compassion for her and decided to try to make a wedding cake, even tho i had never done such a thing. 6-i could have kicked myself 20 times for always allowing myself to get suckered into situations like this. 7-they were right, i am an artist-i PAINT, i'm not a florist or cake-maker 8-i just shut up and tried o pull a cake frrom thin air, 3 rectangles of lumpy sweetness and inadequate utensils. after i had gotten into a groove, i was ushered into the laundry room so no one would see my masterpiece...so there friend and i stood, squeezed into a closet sized room, trying to finish up the cake and keep any MORE white stuff from landing on our clothes.

after we were done, i stood at the back of the house and witnessed this mess and left as soon as it was over. i was so mad-but why? i let these leeches take advantage. but i was still shocked at their gall. i was disgusted at their nerve. i was pissed at their negronium ways of not being prepared and using passers-by to pull them out of the fire. BLEH!

now...that experience was not monumental. but it did make me reflect upon the tyra banks show and a guest she had on this past week. a young black girl named shelley who said she hated black people, especially women. she said she herself was not black, for she was just a person. she hated the fat, chicken-eating loud, ghetto girls who were jealous, hateful, lazy and ugly. she said that black women always use you, they are envious and back-stabbing. she went on and on about how much she detested black women.....and i must say, i agreed with her. *ginsu knives sharpening* now, while she was a little extra on her descriptions and unnecessarily vulgar in her generalizations, i totally identified with SOME of the things she said, altho most of them were stated very poorly and none were supported by any of her own personal examples. let me say....i agreed with her in the regard that OVERALL, my experiences with black women have been more negative than positive. most of my life, it seems as if i have been the target of pettiness, judgments and envy. i have been used, dogged out, back stabbed, neck stabbed and eye stabbed like you wouldn't believe and the most painful occurences were at the hands of sistas. i can't tell you how many times i've walked in a room, down a hall, sat down somewhere or drove by and had the infamous EYE ROLL, NECK SWIVLE and TEETH SUCK, like "hmmmfff, she thank she cute" i could have been flawless from head to toe, but these types of sistas would create something to hate on...a reason to try and tear me down. or perhaps you know the ones like my college roommate who i lived with for a whole year, along with her sister, and she would NOT speak to me. she would look me dead in my face and roll her eyes...finally, once we were preparing to move out, her sister told me that she hated me because of my hair. how foolish was this? now, yes, if you wanted to be technical, she had very dry, lifeless, crusty hair that just hung there like an old broke down broom ...but instead of going to the salon and getting some conditioner, a cut AND style that worked for her, she hated me for the texture of my hair...that which i did not control...that which was defined by my parents and my DNA. i won't even get started on the whole black women & hair thing, but that really offended me because here i was, thinking i did something to her and she HATED me because of my hair?
why can't you be fly with your hair and i be fly with mine? if you rock your hair like blaine edwards from men on films/books on in living color-the bald head with just a curl in the front with a little hat, then that's YOUR business-WORK IT!)
so in regard to what shelly was saying, i felt her. i felt her on being tired of overlooking other people's insecurities AND playing their whipping post. i am tired of the silly ways that some black women will FIND a way to stay at each other's throat, rather than compliment one another. or even keep your damn mouth shut if you can't be nice....but OH NO!!!
it's like we're all born into a secret fight club and you can either leave (at the other member's ridicule and dismay) or renew your membership year after year. i'm tired of being judged by classless and egregious skanks who are jealous of where i am and where they're not OR uppity, snooty skanks who don't think there's enough room for more than one black woman to be fabulous besides herself and look at me like competition instead of a co-star.
with that being said, i have given up on the ideal that one day we will all sing kum-by-ah and braid each other's hair while roasting marshmallows. AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!! as much as i wish it, dream it, hope it-FUGGITABOWDIT!!!!!! and i'm cool with that......cuz i no longer allow myself to fall into the traps. you will NOT use me and treat me like my name is stanley after you get what you want. you will NOT be in my circle thinking you are flying below the radar, but secretly rooting for negativity and my demise. you will NOT call yourself my friend and compare yourself to me or judge me. i say-EFF IT ALL!!!

now, don't cry for me argentina! i did not say these things for sympathy...i shared them so that when i say i agree with some of the things shelley said, it could shed some light as to why. as to those that know me personally, it will make sense as to why i no longer over-extend myself in the hopes that two adult black women can come together in harmony. if it happens, cool. if not, cool too! but i no longer TRY to get it. i no longer WONDER what i could do to get someone to stop acting a fool and be nice or at least show some reciprocity. i don't feel bad when another sista is in the zone and is insisting on being my arch-nemesis. i am not saying that no other race of women do things like this-but i am black, most of my experiences are within the black community and with black women, so that is where i am coming from.

"women could have ruled the world by now. but they don't....cuz WOMEN HATE WOMEN" - chris rock

can i change that? "women could have ruled the world by now. but they don't cuz (some) black women LOATHE, HATE, AND DETEST EACH OTHER LIKE A SICKNESS"- Miss A.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Top Mogwai::Week "I Don't Give a Damn Cuz My Heart is Broken"

2006-04-27T08:25:00.000-04:00

GIRL, YOU SMELL LIKE FISH!!!!!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Say it ain’t so………….i…can….barely…type….for…the…tears…are…blurring…my…vision! NNENNA WAS KICKED OFF LAST NIGHT!!!!! (moment of silence, please)
Now, YES, she was slowly losing momemtum, and YES, she was extremely boring with her facial expressions, and YES, she was getting comfortable just winning the challenges and posing for lackluster photos…BUT I DON’T CARE!!!!!! I WANTED HER TO BE THE NEXT IMAN!!!!!!! I WANTED HER TO STOMP THE OTHER GIRLS IN THE NECK WITH HER NIGERIAN HEELS!!!!! I WANTED HER TO BE BALD, BLACK AND BEAUTIFUL IN THE TOP SPOT!!!!!!! I WANTED HER TO WIN AND GET SUPER-SNOTTY AND DUMP THAT LOSER BOYFRIEND OF HERS AND TRAVEL AROUND THE WORLD WITH A BENGAL TIGER ON A LEASH!!!!!!!! NNENNA, WHY HAS THOU FORSAKEN ME!?!?! you let your water run dry, we've come to the end of the road, i can't say goodbye to yesterday, i'm crying everyone's tears, it's just another day, nothing's any good and i am now the queen of sorrow...........I have no words

(ok, so did anyone else notice the clown's teeth in the "dancing nnenna" pic? i say GOT-DAMN!!!!! it looks like his breath smells like boiled possums...YET nnenna braved his hot inferno mouth, let him breathe all over her and STILL produced a lovely photo....oooh, nnenna-the good ol'days!) But I will move onto the episode antics…the girls got to go to THAILAND! And they were put up in a very swanky hotel. But before leaving LA, Danielle agreed to get her gap slightly closed. Now, I was on the fence about this one because I disagree with the judges saying that it would hold her back and isn’t marketable. There are plenty of models with jacked up teeth, tattoos, all kinds of things that may be looked upon as unattractive but have become their trademark. And on the same note, I didn’t want Danielle to be kicked off for refusing to get it done cuz after all is said and done, its just a gap, not your soul. The girls also had to go for interviews with a very cutthroat guy who showed no mercy...LOL…he straight called miss jade out, telling her she looked like an “arrogant b*tch.” HA HA!!!!!! Nnenna had won the interview challenge, even though the guy thought she was a bit snobbish so her prize was a spa treatment…but the other girls had to perform it-BOO!!! I would not want my competitors, especially NON-certified chicks rubbing on me and securing my bath…nonetheless, her and jade got some down time at the spa. There really wasn’t much to this episode. The girls had to pose like mermaids caught in a fish net (with real dead fish) dangled above cute Thai women on a river. I liked the shoot………so onto the pics……

danielle-i guess i'm on team danielle now. i like her but find it hard to celebrate her pic at a time like this-but its definitely good.

fufu-even tho she looked a hot funky mess at first, she finally pulled it together to produce a nice pic. only thing is, i'ma herneed to eat just a few pieces of chicken, some hogmaws and some con'bread cuz she is like a #2 pencil with a weave. just entirely too thin, eerily thin, ribcage and chest bone protruding thin..

jade-the judges loved this pic. but i don't not just because i don't like her, but i think she looks awkward. her mouth looks like she's about to whistle or something-BLEH!

joanie-she bores me to tears when she's not taking pics and this one looks a little porny to me...but she still looks nice

nnenna-WHAT HAPPENED!?!?! she just hung there like the other dead fish caught in the net. i can't even...continue...*sniffle*

sara-someone PLEASE put her out of her befuttled misery. she's confused and unsure and looks very zoolander-ish in this pic. BLEH!

i'm gonna stick to JADE as my top pic to go home next. i'm just tired of her...but competition-wise, sara needs to get the boot also-ASAP! she has no fire, no umph, no gusto.

WHO DO YOU WANT TO SEE SENT HOME NEXT!?!?

Also, after the regular ep, there was a behind-the-scenes special with outtakes and silliness. I MUST SAY that I really enjoyed how they played jade’s dumb ass and all the made-up words and off-beat phrases she uses in attempt to sound intelligent or more important. I present the HALL OF JADE’S IG’NANCE

“most models hair is more lengthly” (her tantrum when she didn't get a long weave. instead she got the blond fro)

“my body is very proportionable” (her attempt to sell the judges on why she is a good pick for top model)

“I’m short, I’m blond and I’m unbalanced” (another tantrum when she couldn't get on the phone and needs to blow some steam after getting the fro)

“them ain’t even diamonds” (said to fufu who was wearing a child's tiara around the house)

“I’m not from this planet” (her attempt to convince everyone that she is so deep, so special, so WEIRD)

“I live in New York City, the belly of the beast” (her justification as to why she should have already BEEN a top model) - i must comment on this one because just because you MOVE to NY doesn't automatically earn you anything. you are a peon in a SEA of people. if that's the case, then i need my own show cuz i live in the spleen and work in the gallbladder of the beast and i get up er'ry day to take care of my biznazz...somebody-GIVE ME SOMETHING!!

“look at you, your face is bumpy” (her shot at fufu during the wild'n out challenge.)– OKAY…I have to object to her calling out fufu’s bad skin, cuz jade’s is truly NO BETTER. It looks like old leather…and don’t let her be without makeup-AHHHHHHH!!!! Run for cover.

“what you see is what you get, but don’t judge a book by its cover” (again, trying to sell the judges on her uniqueosity-yeah, i made that one up for her-friggin' idiot! she just talks in circles)
AND AS A SPECIAL TREAT..WITNESS THIS FOOLY GIRL FOR YOURSELF!!
CLICK HERE!!!!!!!!!

i will be mourning the loss of nnenna for the next few days, so you guys, keep hope alive and pray for my sanity *sniffle, GAG!*

The Great Exalted Ruler Succumbs and Negroes is in Charge

2006-04-24T08:16:00.000-04:00

not too long ago, i was "asked" to attend a funeral of someone i had never met. i knew their daughter who is about 50-ish and a few of her siblings, but there was no real closeness. well, i figured, i could stop on thru the funeral, fill a seat and keep it moving. now, let me say, that i am not cool with death/dying/dead people. the idea totally creeps me out. but i was like, i'll sit in the back and dip out as soon as its over. well, negroes and their antics!!! i should have known it would not go as smoothly as i projected. please, don't get me wrong, i am not making fun of this dead person, just the foolsh ways his negronium family handled the whole ordeal. mind you, this man had 6 children. so i was slightly perplexed when my mother was asked to "speak." she's cool about speaking in public, so she never would've said no, but i was just looking like "hmmmmmmmm?" imagine my bewilderment when en route to this shindig, i was then asked to read a scripture. THE GALL!?!?! first off, i didn't even know dude, so i was shocked at this request. not cuz i get nervous standing up in front of folks, but HELLO!!! there are six of his kids that will be sitting there doing WHAT!?!?! watching? so i was like-no. i can't do that. as i pulled up to the facility, i noticed my aunt pulling up....the oddball factor here is she (a) lives in pennsylvania (b) left her job to come and (c) didn't know him either!!!! so now i'm like- hold up!!! what is the business??? why are all these randoms up in here? i was starting to feel like an extra on soul train. auntie says, she is going to sing 2-3 songs....my mouth just fell wide open. ok, so far, my mom is doing the eulogy, my aunt is singing, i was asked to read and his fam is doing what again????

now, we enter the building, which was an elks temple. now, i don't know much about the elks, but i did figure out that when i die, i do NOT want my funeral in a place like that. the walls, tables and pretty much anything wooden looked like it had been attacked by the mighty termite infantry, all chipped and ragged. it was cold and there was nothing but chairs. mind you i was on time, but there were no decorations or a casket. well, i found out he was cremated, so that explains the body. but i mean, dang, can i get a carnation up in here? some 25 minutes later, florists come stumbling in with 2 arrangments and they haphazardly threw them up on some fake greek columns. well, there you have it-INSTANT FUNERAL!! in come the elks...i would be lying if i said i didn't get a little spooked by their lingo and singing. i really didn't understand all that "almighty exalted ruler & emperor" talk and it made me very uncomfortable...but nonetheless, the show must go on. up goes auntie, then mom. after that, complete silence. so my mom, being ever the opportunist, invited any ONE of his kids to come up and say something. do you know that all of them (seated in the front row) just looked like my mom had 3 heads? you could hear a pin drop up in there. so auntie sang again and (God, forgive me) i burst out into uncontrollable laughter.

i don't even know why. maybe because i felt like this was such a sham. it felt like he had just died 2 hours ago and negroes decided to have a funeral right then and there-forget planning. forget order. forget anything but a thrown together, hot ghetto mess!!!! i continued to bow my head and attempt to get my laughing under control, and finally it was over. now, approximately seven minutes before, you could hear a pin drop...now, negroes were hooting and chit-chatting about everything under the sun as they stood in line to get a plate of green beans, and cornbread, etc. i couldn't get out of there quickly enough!!

LORD, please never let me attend another ig'nant event like again and when i die, please don't let it be anything like a poorly written tv pilot. death can be sad, but when you're dealing with the darker nation, there's no telling what you might get!!!!

dang, R.I.P. even tho i don't know your name

I'M BAAAAAAACK!!! (AND F*CK YOU VERY MUCH!) UPDATED:::ANTM recap below!!::

2006-04-20T09:39:00.000-04:00

***Ok, so first things first!!! I missed my blog la familia!!!!!! Love me, love me, say that you love me!!!!!! What a CRAY-ZAY past couple of weeks I’ve had…..there’s been laughing, crying, fights, holy-water hurling, hospital visits, cat-barf, gun-shots and of course, ANTM!!!!***

But I must post this before I even get into my real post for the day. Didn’t I post NOT TOO LONG AGO (3/30/06) about dumb azz people and their sensitive azzes in the blogiverse, getting their panties all a-bunched about what people write? Didn’t I say that folks need to chill cuz its just opinions? Didn’t I say I was too thru with the foolishness? Well, people, such a minion has wondered into miss a’s blogiverse yapping off about who-knows-what cuz I posted something that (obviously) stepped on their toes. LISTEN HERE, DUMMIES!!!!!!!! I will say this for the last time, I have a circle of folks that know how I get down. I post about everything. What I think, what I saw on tv last night, what had happened the other day and I show NO favoritism. EVERYTHING on this page is based on my re-interpretations and MY opinions….hence it being MY MUTHA-FRIGGIN blog!!! I say what I want, how I want, and if you don’t like it, travel to the top of the page and read the box entitle “All Things A…” I clearly state that the contents of this page are from MY mind, MY EVERYTHING…and if ya don’t like it, well you get the point!!!! This is not MSNBC, nor is it CNN. I am not writing a thesis, nor a book report. I do not conduct federal investigations or congress-supported speeches. Therefore, the words on this page DON’T HAVE TO BE ST. JAMES GOSPEL, THEY DON’T HAVE TO BE SUPPORTED, THEY DON’T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING EXCEPT FORM THE SENTENCES I TYPE CUZ I MUTHA-FRIGGIN FELT LIKE IT!!!! So do me a favor, if you can’t get with the program and/or agenda on this page, if you are sensitive and cry, if you are a weakling that doesn’t even have a page to stand firm on where you write YOUR OWN opinions, then GET THE FUCK OFF MINES!!!!!!!! GOT-DAMN!!!!!!!!!

Let me be CRYSTAL CLEAR!!!!!!!! I have no problems with people visiting me and opposing something I write. I always welcome different views and OPINIONS in miss a's world and can most certainly and respectfully disagree and be disagreed with...BUT, DO NOT challenge me to support my statements with facts and data from who-knows-where. DO NOT tell me to do my homework, cuz last time I checked, I don’t have to do research on what the F*CK I think….IT IS WHAT IT B*TCHES!!!!!! Now get the hell on, BACDAFUCUP and take your paper drawls with you…you’re smelling up the joint!!!!!!

P.S. bloggie that inspired this post, thanks for reading and I’m sure you’ll be back!!!
P.P.S. my regular readers and blog-fam, please pardon the harshness (ya’ll know I LOVES ya!!!!), and I will be back after these messages with my normal self AND post once my neck stops rolling, finger stops pointing and my eyes can focus on the screen.

Again, my apologies to my regular blog fam for having to wade thru the madness above…but lets keep it moving…I’ve missed 2 eps and we shall pick up where last night left off…IN BARBIE LAND!!!!!!!!!

IG’NANCE OF THE DAY:: “Deprese was really cutthroat…and I’m used to that type of cutthroatingness.” Jade about Deprese the fake model scout - ahem jade, that's not a word, boo!

The episode began with the ladies having to meet with a fake model agent/agency owner who was going to purposely give the girls some harsh feedback. Needless to say, since jade has been on her own tip since day one, she was completely UNPHASED by the negativity that the woman threw at her. Therefore she won the challenge and picked nnenna to share in her winnings. WELL CLAWD HAVE MUSSY!!!! The ladies won visits from loved ones, jade’s mom and nnenna’s whiny crying-all-the-time boyfriend john. I must have peed my pants when I saw the look of utter disgust on nnenna’s face. OH THE HILARITY!!! She looked like she wanted to just barf on his head right then and there!!!! She would have much rather seen one of her sisters!! Then of course, miss jade, ever the attention whore, TOTALLY morphed right before our eyes. She cried and clung to her mother like celie did nettie. She rubbed her face, blew tears and snot everywhere (that girl has an ugly cry face-lol) and pranced around like a fairy for the next few hours. If only it stopped there…she (all of the sudden) became so deep and introspective….since her mother “pulls energy from the universe” with her hands and centers people, jade allowed her mom to “fluff her down”. Now the “fluff-down” was pretty much some hand vibrating and twitching all over jade’s body, but the REAL gem was jade’s poetry that we were privy to while watching this debacle. “Heaven and hell…something blah blah, and THAT will be my strength. Blah bleh” GIRL PLEASE…EAT SOME CHEESE..NOT CHEDDA, MOZZERELLA!!! Now that’s poetry!!! Jade is like the WORST actress to ever be on this show…[word of advice to jade: stick to videos where you don’t speak]

Moving right along, john latched onto nnenna for the time he was there while she looked disgusted and repulsed by his very presence and the girls got a treat. TRIPS TO THE DENTIST!! Everyone just got bleached except for joanie and danielle who were supposed to get caps, joanie for the wretched snaggle tooth she has and dani for the gap that she says “is staying in her mouth cuz that’s her.” Joanie successfully got some brand new shiny teeth while dani refused to close the gap. at a later time, tyra wanted to evoke some emotion from the models, so she spritzed some kind of vapor-like solution into their eyes to make them cry. the shoot was awesome. of course, brooke was lost, fufu started off too "extra" but she calmed down. jade was doing too damn much and nnenna actually started to cry for real after the shoot...she's starting to lose momentum altogether...she's all distracted and jumbled up...i don't know what to say about her right now. Onto the shoot…BARBIE WORLD!!! The ladies had to pose as different types of dolls…….onto the pics> (oh yeah, brooke got the ax…thank heavens, she’s out of her misery)

brooke-i DO NOT like the crying pic cuz she jutted that gargantuous jaw out into the atmosphere again. her doll pic (glam doll) is BORING! she just doesn't know how to pose. glad she's off...she was really getting to me with the crying and scary demeanor!

danielle-i like the crying pic. and she worked the doll pic (marionette). the way she has her limbs hanging lifelessly really captured the essence of her doll-BRAVA!

fufu-LOVE HER CRYING PIC..she looks so sweet. DOUBLE, TRIPLE, QUADRUPLE LOVE her doll pic (rag doll) she has really stepped her game up. maybe aunt chaunceen is in it to win it after all!

jade-BLEH! the crying pic looks more mad than anything. she always furrows her brow like that which makes her look mean. her cry looks fake...hence the reason she portrayed the perfect doll for her fake self-(mannequin)...she was right at home with this one. but i must have died when she tried to (fake) cry at judging, trying to make the judges feel her "human" side, like her cry pic was real. "i been thru so much, i'm struggling..." HA HA!!! she couldn't pull of the fake cry at judging and everyone called her on it...AH HA! miss jay called her a bad actor...cut it out jade!

joanie- i really like her crying pic...she really looks like she was crying for real on some personal ish. her doll pic (ventriloquist dummy) is funny. she looks so quirky! thank the heavens for cosmetic dentistry....she is 10 times better now!

nnennna-liking/loving the crying pic. maybe cuz i know she was really struggling and crying...don't know. it just looks painful to me. reminds me of the nnenna of yore. HATE the doll pic. can we say B-O-R-E-D!?!?!?!

sara-dont like the crying...she looks mad. her doll (teen doll) is just confusing...she's not owning the look. but she wasn't as bad as brooke.

NOW, my vote for who goes home next is JADE, JADE, JADE!!!!! she's been in the bottom two like 17 times...it's her time!

WHO DO YOU WANT TO SEE GO NEXT?!

VIVA LAS VEGAS!!!!!!!!!

2006-04-05T13:06:00.000-04:00

blog fam, my plantation is sending me to vegas....so my posts will be sparse. i will try my darndest to at least do my re-caps and one other post, but me maketh no promises.....i'm feelin' good!! leavin my hood!!!! on my way....to sunny days!!!!!!! WHOOPEE!!!! i will miss my bf like crazy (he's prolly excited to have a break from me :-P), my cat-baby and actin' a fool via the blogiverse but i'ma post something...they just may be later than normal. stay tuned-LOVE YA BLOGGIES!!!!!

VIVA LAS VEGAS!!!!!!!!

Ya'll got it twisted...This Ain't Share-a-Slave!!!!!!

2006-04-03T09:26:00.000-04:00

*first, let me say thank you to my blog la familia for riding with me thru all of my adventures! even when i'm buggin out, you guys are still the shizz-nit and will keep it 100!!! thanx guys!!!! with that said, please excuse that ranting post i had last week. as you could read, i had just had my fill of the foolishness and i felt cool blogging about it to ya'll-YAYEE YAYEE!!*

WORD OF THE DAY:: absurd (adj)-contrary to reason

now, as you already know, i work in the slave industry with a ridiculously backwards-*ss slave master. well, as i was toiling away doing my job, massa's brother comes in with him and kicks up his feet like HE runs something around here. see, i work alone pretty much all day. massa is away 85% of the time and when he is here, he goes to his space and i stay in mine on completely opposite ends. we rarely pow-wow & ish...we just do what we're supposed to do-but SEPARATELY. thats how i like it since we don't agree with each other half the time anyways. now, brotha jenkins sits down in MY space and at first, i was cool, but i do NOT like people to get too close to me or stare at me as i work. i think its rude. so i'm becoming agitated cuz i'm like-WHAT!?!?! do you need something!?!?!?!

well, bro says, "yeah, i gave this girl your number and when she calls, tell her that i'm out in the field conducting business, i'll be in and out all day, ask for her info and leave it for me with massa." after i blinked about 58 times, had a sip of water and shook my head as if to clear my ears, i said-"HUH!?!?!?!" he repeated that whole request and i responded with "SAY WHAT!?!?!" so we started the stare-down. he looked at me as if he were shocked, and i looked at him as if he were crazy. this lasted for about 24 seconds. surely he would understand why i felt this request was absurd. then i began my speil-
"no disrepect, bro. jenkins, but (1) do NOT give people my number! (2) do NOT give people my number on some personal ish (3) you don't even WORK HERE. so i don't know where all this-he's-in-the-field-conducting-business crap is coming from! (4) i am not a personal messaging center. (5) i get PAID to do whatever it is i do here. (6) you do not pay me to do anything, therefore you SHANT make any requests of me (7) if your brother doesn't mind you piggy-backing off of this office and our faculties, thats him...but i do not shuck & jive for anyone, not even him (8) i'm not trying to be nasty, but i am at work-not PLAY, not catch-a-girl, get-a-girl, not impress the scamps on the street by fooling with my job, not doing little "favors," or playing on the damn phone-but WORK. any non-work will be decided on by me i do NOT receive compensation to participate in games, jollies, or tom-foolery (9) the fact that you have to make up this cock-a-mamie story already let's me know that you are on some immature, waste of my time ish and i don't endorse that in the workplace and (10) YA'LL HAVE IT TWISTED, HUH!?!?! THIS AIN'T SHARE-A-SLAVE or SLAVES-R-US or RENT/SLAVE!!!! i have ONE massa and i don't cosign his silliness! so your request has been DENIED! please take any queries to the office down the hall on the left and leave me to complete the wonderful cotton-gathering that i do!

needless to say, he mumbled something as he headed down the hall...i'm sure ready to rally for my dismissal-but it will never happen. this place would go straight to hell without me. i know it, massa knows it, his shiftless brother (now) knows it and NOW, i gotta make this random chick who doesn't know me but who's gonna call me aware of the fact that MISS A. DON'T PLAY!!!!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------
*UPDATE* thanks to OLAWUNMI, i have been tagged :-P

Rules:If I tag you, you have to do the following:1. The tagged victim must come up with 10 different points of their perfect lover.2. Need to mention gender of target.3. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment saying they've been tagged.4. If tagged again, there's no need to post a 2nd time.

ok, so my victim, or shall i say target is male. and the 10 points of my perfect lover would be as follows (in no particular order):

1. understanding-you should always consider the other person's perspective

2. honest/trusting-HONEST, not just in the sense of lying, but about being forthright about their thoughts and how they feel about a situation when its relevant and TRUSTING, not just in each other but in our relationship

3. intelligent-i don't want anyone thats dumb as a box of rocks-what would we talk about?

4. ambitious-i cannot drag someone along with what i have in mind...have something going for yourself

5. thoughtful-PLEASE take a few moments to really mull over some things. do not do things in haste or impulsively, but take some TIME to let things marinate and act accordingly

6. caring-i need to know that i matter, along with the things that matter to me. show it, give effort, come outside of your box and join me in loving embraces, sweet moments, and times that only would mean something to us

7. respectful-i believe in gender roles and i DEMAND the same amount of respect i am willing to give, no matter what the situation

8. at LEAST on my level (but preferrably better off)-puh-lease, no mcdonalds frie makers, no bus-riders, no cardboard box dwellers, no baby-mama drama.....please have an education and some goals

9. unconditional/non-judgmental-someone who realizes that anything worth having is worth fighting for, so bouncing when the road gets rough is not cool in my book. i know i am and will forever be a work-in-progress, but i need support and to know that even though i have some stuff going on, you love me through it all and KNOW that i only extend the same courtesy to you

10. GOD-fearing....to denounce/ignore/downplay the presence of GOD and the blessings he bestows upon us every day is of maximum ignorance and the household cannot be on one accord if we are unequally yoked

I'm tagging:
JAMEIL
THE "L"
SHENEHNEH
SHAWN
SOULFULL
STEPHEN
YAZ
NICHELLE

I'm sick of Dumb *ss People (BROAD TOPIC)

2006-03-30T14:44:00.000-05:00

ok, so i'm feeling stressed as hell!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! i think i'm allergic to dumb *ss people. i'm sick of people who are insecure and dissatisfied with their place in life, therefore targeting you for being/having what they aren't/don't. i'm sick of people hiding from their true selves. yes people out there in blogland, the truth hurts. but there cannot be progress without struggle (thank you frederick), yet WE act like we are beneath the dirty work. to take the low road requires slim to NO energy or effort in life. but to take the high road, to remain strong, to keep focus and exemplify elegance & grace requires CONSTANT effort...almost to exhaustion. because no matter what you do or where you go, there will always be SOMEONE who is praying for your downfall. i have been on a ridiculously introspective journey for the last couple of years and honestly blog fam, it wasn't easy-STILL isn't. and to know that there are those who cut there eyes, roll their necks, and say 500 hail mary's at night for me to cease to be my fabulous f*cking self actually strengthens me-cuz i know i'm doing something right-LOL. but i too have feelings. i too have struggles. i too am human. i am tired of classless backstabbing women. i am tired of people with NO ambition but with MUCHO hate cuz you're doing your thang! i'm tired of people who always try to be right...even when they KNOW they're wrong. i'm tired of sensitive *ss bloggers who get their panties in a bunch over public OPINIONS left in the comments...people, it's OPINIONS, not an attempt on your life! i'm tired of insecurities, pride, foolishness, deceit, resentment, boastfulness, misguided anger, being judged & misjudged, hatefulness, jealousy and just DUMB *SS PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! GROW UP KIDDIES!!!

WHAT ARE YA'LL TIRED OF?!?! WHODUNIT, WHY OR WHERE?!?! let's share bloggies, fa' i has to cut a B*TCH !!!!!!!! i can't be alone in this frustration (i'm only flesh & blood)

Top Mogwai-Week 4: When I Grow Up.......

2006-03-30T07:20:00.000-05:00

WHOOPEE! TOP MOGWAI TIME!!!!

ok, so last night’s episode was really funny! janice dickinson (world's "first" supermodel) appeared and gave the models a lesson on how to pose. she brought along lisa from cycle 5 and they ran thru examples of how to pose commercially and non-commercially.

you would think that the girls would pay close attention and soak up all of these pointers cuz they looked really into it, right?

well, not everyone was so focused. gina b.k.a. ms. woodchuck asked an array of dumb questions which prompted janice to tell her to go and stand on one leg, jump up and down and laugh hysterically in front of everyone. being that miss jade b.k.a. stank-i-tude b.k.a.miss piggy has made gina her new little whipping post, she reveled at the sight of that humiliation. and brooke b.k.a. herpe-lip was very aloof the whole episode...like DUH!

"You said to find the light with your face...but i still don't get it." Brooke to Janice Dickinson

later on, janice took the girls to dinner. jade was feeling herself (as always) and just monopolizing janice at first, trying to force some type of commonality.

"Me & her just kinda clicked because we're on the same level."-Jade about Janice Dickinson [SIDEBAR::: Miss Jade, i must have missed the 100+ magazine covers you've been on, the countless fame, fortune and undeniable talent you have within the modeling industry. i mean, you've been on ANTM, have NOT even won and are comparing yourself to the world's "first" supermodel?? BEYATCH PUH-LEASE!!!!!!!!]

nonetheless, janice decided to stir the drama pot by asking gina who she has a problem with in the house. i guess she could sense how weak and confused she was. gina (of course) blurts out "JADE!" jade has this "who me?" look on her face and asks gina at least 5 times "what did i do now?" well, janice swiftly dismisses gina and tells her that you never OUT the b*tches in the house. well, of course gina had a breakdown, crying and feeling humiliated yet again in front of jade so miss nnenna consoles and encourages her once they make it back to the house.

"Why are you scared of Jade?...what is she gonna do, spank you?" Nnenna to Gina {thats why i love this girl} jade ends up invading gina's bedroom where she and gina go at it about how they feel sorry for one another and gina actually stood up to the big bad jade leaving her mouth agape and looking stupid.

but on a different homefront, we found out that miss nnenna has a VERY insecure boyfriend who whines and cries to her on the phone about her being gone. "honey, did you see boys today, whimper whimper?" i'm like old school onyx, BACDAF*KUP!!!!!!! your girl has a job to do that could possibly change the both of your lives and you're whining like a little wet puppy...I HATE INSECURE MEN!!!!!!!!!! nonetheless, nnenna brushed him and his crying off like a real lady and kept the focus of why she was there.

next, the ladies had to try and work 4 different looks at a set with the 4 seasons as backgrounds...they were to use their "commercial" look and miss nnenna won that competition (YAY!) and all of the clothes from the shoot. then they met up with tyra on the set of her talk show and she asked them to think back to before ANTM and about what they wanted to pursue as careers after modeling...HENCE THE BIRTH OF SHOOT # 5

WHEN I GROW UP....
let's peep the pics

brooke (anesthesiologist)-this is the first pic of miss brooke that i like...she's not showcasing her herpe on the top lip and she's got that jay leno chin down instead of up in the "light"-BIG improvement

danielle (singer)-GREAT pic!!!!!!! she looks so fierce and her positioning on those speakers couldn't be better-WORK IT!

FUronda b.k.a. aunt chaunceen (civil right attorney) this is the best pic of her i've seen! she doesn't look like a lost toothpick as much...i love her for stepping it up!!! go fu-fu, its ur birfday, just do the do like ur birfday!!!!!!!!

gina b.k.a. ms. woodchuck (fashion designer)-head to toe MESS!!! her arms are awkward and she just looks scared as hell. later, she blamed the issues with jade as a distaction-BOO!

jade b.k.a. stank-i-tude (kindegarten teacher)-i don't like this pic...i think its the long blond hair...but i like the outfit. danielle said she would home-school her kid before sending it to jade's class-HA!

joanie (housewife)-she also stepped it up. she doesn't look bored as usual and actaully did something with that face...i think this is her best pic!

leslie (attorney)-LOVE THIS PIC! she looks so hot!! the only thing that bothers me about her is that she looks TORE the HELL up when she's not at a shoot. and the eye bags have got to GO!! get a cucumber, girl!

mollie sue (make-up artist)-i like the edginess she brought to it...she's such a rocker chick. it's good, not great

nnenna (chemist)-ooooooooooooooooh chile!!! miss nnenna put it DOWN in this pic...but more importantly she got very familiar with the male model up in those fake african bushes. honey, they got the rubbing and ish and in the last shot, they KISSED! not a big one, but the eroticism oozed from the screen...boyfriend better stop working her nerves cuz she seemed all too eager to stop the child's play with him and go for the gusto with model-boy...i ain't mad, mama! "All the touching & groping & sensualness...WHAT!?!?!" Jade about nnenna's shoot [beyatch, it's SENSUALITY, not sensualness-geez!]

sara (lawyer)-not liking this...i think it's the wax lips she's wearing. BORED! tyra & mr. jay said she looked very stank in her proofs..like 1 pic-risque, 2nd pic-legs open, 3rd pic-on your knees-HA!! i was dying...........

GINA got eliminated (with her confused azz) and i vote for brooke next. well, technically i always want to see jade go cuz she's such a skank...but they'll keep her around for the drama...so brooke it is!

WHO DO YA'LL LIKE? WHO DO YOU WANT TO SEE GO HOME NEXT?

Guess who took a trip...God don't like UGLY!!!!!!!

2006-03-27T08:18:00.000-05:00

HERE'S TO YOU!!! CHEERS, BEYATCH!!!!!!!!!!

well, i must say, for a brief moment, i was beginning to think that my extremely entertaining and idiotastic neighbors had received the memo that being a dumb-*ss was soooooooo out for 2006. BUT ALAS, i was blessed with a fresh, innovative, albeit hilarious rendition of "God don't like ugly." it would be foolish of me NOT to acknowledge the fact that my neighbors probably hate my guts and pray for the day that i move...and i, too, despise the very entrails that keep them energized enough to torment me and my nervous cat-baby. between cable-stealing, chain smoking pablo and margarita and the tennis shoveling, zebra-roasting adam, tashi, and olivia, i have really grown tired of their classless ways. but today's blog star would be that too-tight-jeans-from-rainbow-or-rave-clothing-store wearing MARGARITA!!

now, i have lodged many complaints against her and her husband (or commonlaw partner, whichever is appropriate)...but the majority of them are centered around noise. this woman is the loudest, skankiest, trashiest, most-in-need-of-an-etiquette-class chick i've ever seen. i will never know what makes her think EVERYONE wants to hear her conversations or that damn song "Gasolina" 76 times in a row every friday. and why she insists on screaming at pablo from the 3rd floor to the parking lot is just beyond me. i almost want to throw her one of those boost mobile phones (with instructions) just to cut down on all of the window talk. nonetheless, last week, she knocked at the main door for approx. 10 minutes at 3:45 AM because she must have forgotten her key. she then began to talk to herself about how pablo needs to get up and let her in, he makes her sick, %^$#*&%@%(, etc. she did this because i am on the first floor and she knows that i could hear her ranting thru my window very well. perhaps she expected me to get out of my warm bed to let her in-HA!! I SCOFF AT THEE!!! nonetheless, she took to screaming outside up to the 3rd floor...but pablo was sound asleep. finally she left (to go to a pay phone i assume) and came back to a hasty pablo scurrying down the stairs. well, you know i had to complain about that instance because i'm like-look, i do not work at the local bodega, or at the closest off-ramp...i have a job at which i work long hours each day-so these antics in the middle of the night are unacceptable. these people have no respect or courtesy for the other tenants, etc. this was probably complaint # 34 from me against them.

needless to say, they have an attitude now and i have noticed that margarita has taken to new lows trying to annoy me. she and pablo have to walk up 3 flights of stairs to get to their place. and she has decided to start RUNNING up the stairs-therefore making a lot of noise. see, margarita is a thick-ums (which is her prerogative...but she need NOT be running). so the sound of her running up & down these stairs is comparable to the sound of a buffalo AND a wilderbeast racing to the slop-barrel...like a steam engine roaring thru grand central station...like 1,000 bricks falling from the top of the empire state building. she does this because it is a way for her to bother me, but in a slick and somewhat cunning way. if i did complain, she could play the "thats just how i walk, is she cracking on my weight?" card. but we both know what she's doing...and it all started after that fateful morning at 3:45AM.

well, yesterday, she ran up and down, down and up all day long. i was going bonkers and she was working my last nerve....when all of the sudden......BOOM BOOM BOOM, CRASH, BLAM!!! "OH-HAY-SOOS CHRISTO!!!!!!!!!!!! AY CARAMBA!!!!!!!!!!! YOUCH!!!!!!!!" BOOM, BAM, CA-RASH!!!!! Margarita took a nasty spill down the last flight of stairs right by my apartment.

oh lord have mussy!!!!!!!!! i must have wet myself at the thought....so i peeked out to witness all of the commotion and there lay margarita, left leg extended, right leg bent under her big *ss, head on the banister and too-tight-jeans split in the middle exposing her crusty mesh draws. her ponytail was all disshelved and looked like a bird had gotten loose in it...face red from embarrassment as she tried to laugh it off.

the nice person in me said-are you ok? and the demon in her persed her lips and said thru tight lips "i fine, mami" as she rolled her eyes. i walked away saying "God don't like ugly, stop running." then i went inside and stood right on the other side of the door and laughed so hard that the people across the street heard me.

ain't it funny that when you go out of your way to hurt, annoy, or wrong someone else, you usually get bit in the *ss!!!!!!!!!!! lesson learned, margarita. sweet justice
ONE POINT, MISS A.
NEGATIVE 35 MARGIE & PAB!!!!!!

Top Mogwai-Week 3: I'm Too Sexy For My Shoes

2006-03-23T08:39:00.000-05:00

HOLY SCHNIKEES!!!!!!! SIMON & GARFUNKEL, FRICKIN, FRACKIN, FRIGGETY FRICK-FRACK!!!!!!!!! BLOGGER WAS A B*TCH ON WHEELS THIS MORNING!!!!!! (trying not to cuss so excuse my stand-in foul language...but b*tch doesn't count)

IG'NANCE OF THE DAY:: "I felt just like snow white...excuse me, SNOW BLACK" Danielle after photo shoot #3 (girl, er'rbody knows you BLACK, damn, that sounded dumb)

anyhoos, onto ANTM-Week 3....Bwaaaaaaah ha ha, hee hee, LOL ROFLMBAO!!!!!!!!!! Lawd have mussy!!!!! last night's episode was HILARIOUS! it started with the models having to learn to walk the runway from none other than Miss Jay-Runway Diva Extraordinaire...and it was ridiculous. but they finally got to shake their little tushes on the catwalk!!! they ended up being tested by a designer who constructs very frilly, froofy gothic-type clothes in which they wore goth-like makeup and LIVE hissing cockroaches as accessories.

well, you know there had to be at least one freak-out and gina b.k.a. ms. woodchuck lost her damn mind, screaming and refusing to go out on the runway...ultimately having to be pushed by the designer. *four supermodel slaps for being a punk* she looked a HOT, fugly mess!

now, ya know miss jade b.k.a miss piggy b.k.a. stank-i-tude had to somehow try to propel herself into the spotlight, being the pub slut that she is, so she decided not only to flaunt her cockroach but KISS it....dayum!! there is no end to her shenanigans...but as she said, she's 26 years old and has yet to acheive her dream, so mama is working overtime to claw to the top. (tip to jade: i feel your desparation, but keep your voodoo practices and witch recipes, potions and spells behind closed doors...no one wants to see you tongue-kiss nasty dirty bugs) next she'll be masturbating with eyes of newt and licking furry tarantula legs for good luck-EWW!!! *2 supermodel slaps for being tacky and desparate* behold the barf-fest...
(jade to the roach: in my mouth, you hissy b*tch)
(the other roaches backstage: put..the..roach...down...step..away
from...the...helpless...bug...COOKARACHA, be strong!)

onto the photo shoot..the models got to be fairy tale figures who were falling from a platform. i loved this concept. it was different and very cool looking. peep the pics below...
brooke (the emperor from the emperor's new clothes)-geez louise, this girl's chin area is KILLING me! i cackled and gagged at this pic. and peep the white feet-BOO!
danielle (snow white)-missy ROCKED this pic-WORK IT!!!!!!!!! her legs look fabulous and she doesn't even look like she's falling, she looks like she froze herself in space-BANGING PHOTO!!!!!!
FUronda b.k.a. aunt chaunceen (rapunzel)-honey, i like nothing about this...as miss jay said, she looks like a bug smashed on the windshield...BORING!!
gina b.k.a. ms. woodchuck (sleeping beauty)-this pic is a mess!! she looks lively as hell...tyra told her she should have halfway closed her eyes, hence SLEEPING beauty, but she just has no clue-NEXT!!!!!!!!
jade b.k.a. stank-i-tude b.k.a. miss piggy (little red riding hood)-well, the pic is cool, but a judge said she looks like the big bad wolf in LRRH's clothes-and she does-cuz she just looks so evil and mean...but at least we can't see all the way up her nose on this one.
joanie (i forgot who she was)-DAMN!!! thats how much she bores me, i forgot who the hell she was supposed to be...maybe some kind of princess, the smurf queen. i don't know-NEXT!!!!!!!!!
kari b.k.a. soup-koolas b.k.a. slug lips (goldilocks)-she looks a little high in the facial zone. her lips just wreck the whole damn shot and it looks like she's pulling her right hand out from her brain...ewww!
leslie (big bad wolf)-she looks cute..i like it, don't love it, but it's cool. tyra said she looks a little pin-up-ish still
mollie sue (little boy blue)-i love her outfit and the way she is falling...its decent..tyra commented on the tension in her nose
nnenna b.k.a. the winner (the princess from the princess & the frog)-not my fav pic but the dress looks wonderful..i think she should have parted her lips a little..come on nnenna..i'm rooting for ya!!!!!!!!
sara (gretel from hansel & gretel)-this pic does not look right..is it the face?? is it the arms? maybe its the mouth..i don't know, but it's not flowing for me.

KARI b.k.a. slug lips got eliminated because her picture sucked and she is the worst runway walker to ever be on the show. she fell 3 zillion times...but the best was at the end...when the models had to put on 8 inch heels (just like the ones below) and walk for the judges

.....help me, lawd, cuz i was on the floor laughing at this atrocity. kari feel at least 13 times, sara fell zero times, and FUronda just looked like a spazzing crackhead that just got busted smoking the pipe *3 supermodel slaps for the tyrone biggums impersonation..CRACK IS WACK!*...what hilarity!!! and on a sad note, danielle fell about 3-5 times and at the end she sprained her baby toe (moment of silence for her baby toe-------------------). but she kept a pleasant expression on her face which impressed the judges. good attitudes will always take you far.

WHO ARE YA'LL LOVIN THIS WEEK?? WHO DO YOU WANT TO SEE SENT HOME NEXT??? (i vote for gina...two times)

Yes, I'll have some fresh mexican tacos, HOLD THE FRESH MEXICANS!!!!

2006-03-20T12:37:00.000-05:00

YIKES & EGADS!!!! i decided to go to Baja Fresh for lunch and was very excited to taste the "fresh" mexican favorites that i've been neglecting for so long. baja fresh prides themselves on providing us foolish americans with real, fresh mexican foods, no microwaves, no can openers, no freezers, no preservatives, etc. i really like it and i was pumped to order my chipotle glazed charbroiled chicken salad. well, lord have mercy, i didn't know i was gonna either have to teach English 101 or speak Advanced Spanish 404 to get my order placed. and i made the fatal mistake of calling ahead, only to be greeted by a young lady i'll call guadalupe...peep into our conversation

Guadalupe: Goos assernoon...sank you for calling baja fresh. how can i hells su todays?

Miss A: Yes, i would like to order for pickup.

Guadalupe: U want ship cup? u want pico wissat?

Miss A: No, not chip cup, order for PICK-UP!!!

Guadalupe: ok, what u like todays?

Miss A: i would like the chipotle glazed charbroiled chicken salad

Guadalupe: ok, cheecken salad, $8.59...anysing else??

Miss A: i wasn't finished..i want no cilantro

Guadalupe: ok, cheecken salad, no cilantro $8.59, anysing else

Miss A: yes, i wasn't finished AGAIN. i want no cilantro, no avocado..

Guadalupe: ok, cheecken salad, no cilantro, mooore avocado, $8.59..anysing else

Miss A: listen to me, ok? i'm not finished. i want NO cilantro, NO avocado, and cheese on the side

Guadalupe: ok, cheecken salad, NO cilantro, NO avocado, and chez...what kind chez u want?

Miss A: i would like (think fast on what she'll understand)

Guadalupe: yes, u want yellow chez, white chez, oh yellow-white chez

Miss A: i'll have yellow cheese

Guadalupe: no chez?

Miss A: YELLOW CHEESE!!!!!!!!

Guadalupe: ok, cheecken salad, no cilantro, no avocado, yellow chez on side, $9.09...anysing else, ships oh dreen

Miss A: no, i do not want a drink..but i thought chips came with it

Guadalupe: ok, u want ships? $10.49..anysing else.

Miss A: no, i was asking if chips came with it because they used to. if they don't come with it, then i don't want them.

Guadalupe: ok, NO ships..$9.09...anysing

Miss A: you didn't answer the question...oh nevermind. i'm here now

i went in there to get my order that had yet to be prepared because we were on the phone so long...so i waited. my food was delicious, but next time i want some fresh mexican food, i'll skip the fresh mexican...maybe i'll fax my order...perhaps they can READ english a little better..ARRIBA, ARRIBA!!!!!!!

Top Mogwai-Week 2: Ice, Ice Baby

2006-03-16T08:51:00.000-05:00

IG'NANCE OF THE DAY::: "I have everything it takes to win this...You sitting out here with a crown on your head...them ain't even diamonds." Jade to FUronda

ok, top mogwai had it's second photo shoot which took place in a freezer with an ice set. it was a really nice background complete with ice bench and weird ice sculptures looming about. of course, the mogs had to be half naked and they had some fierce makeup that made them look frozen....Miss Wendy b.k.a Woo-Woo-Woo b.k.a Whoas Me got eliminated (thank the heavens) because she was just so unfocused and, in my opinion, should have never been there since she was having so much personal drama and familial issues. understandably so, but i just couldn't feel sorry for her cuz every other word out of her mouth was, hurricane katrina or i'm worried or woo-woo-woo...she totally blew her chances to turn the catastrophe of katrina around and make a better life for herself and for that, i give her two supermodel slaps...youuuuuuuuuuuuu're outta there!!!!! and in other negro hilarity, FUronda b.k.a. aunt chaunceen was beside herself cuz she got a brand new shiny weave...missy stayed in the mirror, handed out rules of engagement to the other girls (which i liked, but think she could have said them instead of typing them), and was whipping and snapping that neck around like naomi campbell jr. the funniest thing about her is that she has the WORST skin ever, worst than yaya on cycle 3. missy is rocking zits, bits, crackles and pops, craters, mountains, molehills, puss pockets and some more ish-BLEH!!! send her to the dermatologist-STAT! then miss jade b.k.a. miss piggy b.k.a. stank-i-tude got shook cuz she didn't get a long weave like aunt chaunceen. instead she got a short cropped blond fro and it damn near made her lose her mind. she was snapping on everybody, being her regular b*tchy self, but, in my opinion, she looked kinda bad. her skin was looking a little haggard as well. damn, i could never cross paths with her cuz it would be a fight to the death...she is so arrogant and smart-mouthed, telling everyone what to do and why she has the total package-therefore making her the top choice for ANTM. i just want to give her three supermodel slaps...and just because the show is not named America's Next Top Best Friend, that doesn't mean she has to be America's Next Top BITCH...but let's get to the pics

brooke-i will never understand what tyra or anybody sees in this atrocity. she looka like a maaaaaaaaaan!!

danielle-i am not feeling this one..she also borderlines on looking tranny, something in the ear, eye, eyebrow area just isn't flowing for me..but she's definitley not the worst

FUronda b.k.a aunt chaunceen-HONEY!!that weave brought her up about 17 notches...not my fav but much improved from before

gina b.k.a. ms. woodchuck-i like nothing about her...i think i prefer her more when her big teeth are poking thru her half cocked smile...and i can't resist the urge to call her suki...she can go next

jade b.k.a. miss piggy b.k.a. stank-i-tude...nothing special about this. i think they should have taken some of the concentration off of the pig nose and picked a full body shot cuz she did look fab in that bathing suit

joanie-i'm bored...next

kari-someone please take those dead slugs she calls lips OFF!! she looks horrid and cheap, like she should be a stripper names bubbles or lexy...not feeling her at all

leslie-i like her but this pic isn't very high-fashion...that looks like me posing before i go to the beach-step it up!!!! but i still like her

mollie sue, follie sue, rollie, collie, dollie sue-i just like saying that. i'm not in love with her, but i think she's gonna go far in this competition

nnenna b.k.a. the winner...love her to pieces...i do like last week's pic better, but she still looks good (sidebar:: i love how graceful she was when they told her she was going bald. she didn't whine, b*tch, moan or complain and you know anybody else would have been on the damn floor...that's why she needs to win...she has the look and a winning attitude!) damn, i'm officially a groupie :-P

sara-i like this pic of her waaaaaaaaaaay better than the bald one from last week...her haircut really stepped her look up..i likes

wendy b.k.a. woo-woo-woo...i'm just uninspired by this look, maybe its the toucan schnozz she has, maybe its the melancholy vibe she puts out..nonetheless, she's DUNZO!

WHO ARE YA'LL LOVIN' THIS WEEK??

Massa's A B*tch and Conchita's Goin' Down!!!!!

2006-03-13T08:18:00.000-05:00

*WARNING! some of the following language may be found offensive*

lawd, help me....as my profile reads (and for those who do not know), i am a servant in the slavery industry. this is my profession. i am a slave to a senile, dim-witted misogynist and i only remain in this enviroment because the trade-off is worth it for me. altho i frequently have bouts and shouting matches with my massa, i have managed to stay here for 2 years...but on friday, massa jenkins lost his little damn piece of mind.

usually i work a regular 40 hour week. sometimes, i have late days and my hours worked exceeds 40. to provide some background, massa jenkins told me in december that i could work monday thru thursday and have fridays off...which sounded like heaven for me...YAY!! a 3-day weekend!! i just had to make sure i worked my hours, so of course, i was like-COOL! and basically work four 10-hour days. that has been the case for 3 months now. well, lately, we've been butting heads because as i said, he's extremely senile, stubborn, old-school and (i believe) slightly sexist. he's one of those people where if i suggest to eat tacos today, he'll say-"eww..i don't want no damn tacos." then 10 minutes later, he'll say "by george, i've got it, we should have tacos today!" if he didn't think of it, then it's useless-which i have a huge problem with because he's stuck in 1972 and refuses to join me in the millennium. in that regard, he does not know how to fax, operate a computer, or even set up a conference call. bad because he's like my old, wrinkled gray-haired baby...good because that makes me indespensable for the smallest of things but even moreso, for the big things that i am responsible for. anyhoos, we've been beefing a lot because i've been trying to implement some methods that i feel would be most efficient and he insists on interrupting or denouncing them all because he didn't think of them. also, since he is having time-warp brain freeze, he doesn't understand my logic, gets confused and usually suggests doing things the long and drawn out way-hence enhancing the look of productivity. that is a no-no for me, because i'm all about doing things right the first time and maximizing time spent, but he's used to talking, talking, talking, shucking, jiving, and tiring people out so by the time things need to be done, they are so worn out, they're so happy for it to be over. because i had grown tired of his menial ways, i decided to stop speaking to him last week. (also because he won't give me a computer i want that is sitting right here collecting dust, but because i asked, of course, the answer's "no") he went crazy. it was driving him nuts for me to ignore him or write notes if i had to communicate something, but i was cutting down on my stress levels since talking to him is like talking to my cat, miss starr jonez. as the week progressed, i really started to enjoy the quiet, just doing my work and not finding myself in the middle of 3rd grade banter. well, thursday as i prepared to leave, he raised some dumb azz point to me and i refuted it from at least 7 different angles, which really pissed him off. but-oh well! so at 8:30 friday morning (my day off), i received a phone call from him and since i've told him not to call me unless there was an emergency, i ignored it. then i listened to the voice mail.

Massa Jenkins: yeah slave, this friday thing isn't working...i think you should go back to the old schedule. call me back so we can talk about it.

Miss A.: OH HELL NAW!!!!!!!!!!! (dials number back)

Massa Jenkins: Good morning

Miss A.: this ain't no good got-damn morning. i got your stupid azz message. what are you talking about?

Massa Jenkins: yeah, i don't think this is working. i just think you should go back to your old schedule. last night bothered me and i was upset cuz we just aren't seeing eye to eye. i don't like the idea of work just sitting here over the weekend and friday...that's too long.

Miss A.: you know what? you are so full of sh*t!!!! first of all, if i DID go back to my old schedule, no extra work would get down cuz 40 hours is 40 hours and i would stretch my four days of work over 5 days, so if you just want to physically see me toiling away looking like i'm doing something-just know that i would remain at my present work pace. which brings me to my next point of why the hell i would NEVER return to that schedule because it doesn't matter what days i work, as long as i'm working the time i'm supposed to. if i work 7 days a week, or if i work 2 days, 40 equals 40, so the same amount of work would be accomplished. which brings me to my next point of this is so not about work getting done...this is about the fact that you hate that i am so outspoken. you hate that when you say "jump" i don't ask "how high." you hate that i am not on your tip and that i'm young and fresh and innovative. you hate that i have great relationships with our clients and that i can keep up with the big boys and you need me just to access their frickin' emails!!!!

Massa Jenkins: i dont want to talk about this anymore!!! why you gotta be so nasty all the time?!?!

Miss A.: cuz i am tired of you insulting my intelligence, treating me like my name is stanley or something. my name is Miss A. and when you bought me at the auction block...you knew i was a ball of FIRE...that's why you wanted me in your fields. so you can't front on my cotton pickin' skills just cuz i don't follow behind your backwards azz all day. and if you didn't want to talk about it now, why the hell did you call and wake me up on my day off-idiot?!?!?!

Massa Jenkins: see, thats what i'm talking about!! i wanted to talk to you cuz it was bothering me...but you get all loud and talk like that and i don't want to talk anymore.

Miss A.: of course, you fan the flames but don't want to extinguish the fire. you make me sick. i am not a silly beyatch!!! i've hung in there when your psycho ho was stalking me, i listen to your back-woods logic every day, i take the good with all the bad and u come at me like i'm a field hand-well, i'm a house n*gga and i REFUSE!!! i WILL NOT go back to my old schedule-PEACE!!!

needless to say, we are not speaking again this morning...but i do NOT GIVE A F*CK CUZ I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!!! (sidebar::honestly, sometimes i'm surprised i still even have a job cuz i talk to him like that...but honestly, he needs me. so he knows he has to put up with my mouth just like i have to put up with his idiocy...but damn, it irks me that i even have to go there with him-OH WELL!)

moving on, i am currently being sued by some burrito breath, fried banana head, no-speaky-good-ingles mexican broad with whom i had had a small vehicular collison in 2003. yes, 2003!!! i am livid!!!! let's call her conchita, for anonymity's sake. well, miss conchita, technically hit me when i was pushed into an intersection. because she was acting fool after said collision, i immediately went to her aid, which enabled the person whose car pushed me to flee the scene. because there were no witnesses, it is my word against hers and all of the sudden, conchita can barely walk...even tho i saw her in court in 2003 and she was fine. and my mum called her sombrero-wearing son a few days after this accident to see how she was and he said she was fine. now in 2006, conchita is blind, crippled and knocking on death's door because of ME!?!?! well, i think not!!! i answered my interrogatories friday and am getting ready for my deposition cuz this ho has me sooooo twisted!!!!! not to mention, she's 117 years old (technically she's 65) so the chances of her having prior issues with ailing health, scoliosis, osteoporosis, arthritis, jaundice, leprosy and who knows what else is extremely high cuz she's old as dirt......let's get ready to rumble!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miss A. ain't goin' out like that!!!!!!

P.S. who can beleieve HOOPZ won Flavor of Love?!?!? i am shocked!!! damn, i was sooooooooo looking forward to strange love 2: life in the big apple with new york's crazy azz!!!!!!!! guess we'll have to wait and see what hoopz boring, masculine azz will do-gosh, there's just nothing to believe in anymore.

Top Mogwai-Week 1: The Bald & The Beautiful

2006-03-09T08:21:00.000-05:00

WORD OF THE DAY: atrocious (adj) - Extremely evil or cruel; monstrous: Exceptionally bad

IG'NANCE OF THE DAY: "When i walk down the street, people's heads turn like 'wow'. And people think I'm a b*tch but I'm really down to earth, even though i have this gorgeous face and beautiful body....I should have already been discovered." Jade

Sashay-Shante-Sashay-Sashay-Sashay!!!!!

Alright, so cycle 6 of america’s next top model began last night and I will get straight into it. 32 girls made it to the finals. That number was widdled down to 20, then lastly, down to the final 13. now, before the show began, I had posted my opinions of a few of the girls-Jade being my favorite. Well, I take back what I said. Homegirl has a serious case of ball jock. Well, she doesn’t have balls, but she is feeling herself waaaaaaaaay too much. From the moment she opened her mouth and throughout the whole episode, she spoke of how fine she is, how she moved to New York and should have already been a star, how ready she is to be famous. And just cuz she was in Jay-Z's "Change Clothes" video, she thinks she is a sure-win. But I already see she is a big sh*t-talker. When one of the girls offered Nnenna $40 to catwalk naked, Jade jumped in and said she would do it, only to back out and say she’s worth “a million.” GAG! Nonetheless, little Miss FUronda was also on her own tip throughout the episode, along with Danielle. (why do 3 out of the 4 “Ethnicks” have to be so arrogant? Yes, i have named Jade, Danielle, FUronda and Nnenna) I believe in havin confidence in your swagger, but you don’t have to be an atrocious witch to get attention. And on ANTM, you really shouldn’t run your mouth too much, cuz you never know who will get the boot, as Miss FUronda found out when she fell into the bottom 2, even though she thought she WORKED IT at the photo shoot. Nonetheless, there was one-and only one-young lady who stood out to me, and that was Nnenna. My new pick as winner. Not only is she graceful and poised, but she is gorgeous!! Skin-flawless. Teeth-perfect. Body-banging. Attitude-humble and elegant. She even has a nice accent (she’s from Nigeria). Nnenna has the total package whereas Jade is just pretty and as Mr Jay said last night "A pretty face does not a top model make." One other person who stood out to me was Wendy, not because she’s that great, but because she kinda sucked in her photo and she is a victim of Hurricane Katrina. The judges tried to justify her “sad look” by saying that she is internally sad from having experienced that tragedy…and all I have to say is, GIRL, get over it. You have the opportunity to turn your whole life around, so stop wallowing and at least try to win…..UGH!! otherwise, none of the other girls really had much face time because Jade hogged the screen with her larger-than-life funky attitude and nonstop self-praise. In my opinion, nothing makes a pretty girl uglier quicker than a jacked-up demeanor. Hence the reason why I am gunning for her now (may gina b.k.a ms. woodchuck get drunk again, sleep-walk and chew a hole in your fro while you sleep)….i think you can be even more effective by falling back and exemplifying why you are so great, being a silent but deadly threat. If you have to run your mouth and talk trash all the time, you sound like you are trying to convince yourSELF and you end up turning others off by being so annoying. All Jade needs is a good 'rip-u-a-new-*sshole' cussin' out and she would calm right down...besides, missy-you're not the only one who turns heads-BEYATCH!!!! Yayee-yayee!!!! SASHAY-SHANTE!!!!!! MISS A. MISS A. MISS A....lol

GO TEAM NNENNA!!!! (wouldn't it be nice if she won, a REAL black girl, not a mixed one, or light-skinnded one-nothing against light girls, cuz i'm one kinda, but i just want to see something different besides, light, brights and ugly whites as winners)

below find the shots from Project Bald & Beautiful, Shoot 1

FUronda b.k.a. Aunt Chaunceen-not impressed, make-up was fab, but she looks dull
Gina b.k.a. Ms. Woodchuck-UGH!! those teeth just won't stay in her mouth...she will probably be next voted off, if for no other reason, because she's an idiot. the judges noticed that she is a walking oxymoron, just contradictory and nervous all the time. not to mention, she got drunk at dinner which is always a bad look in public & on tv. no class.
Jade-this pic is very alien-like and that cheekbone juts out so far and so sharply, it looks like she got popped in the face before the shoot. not impressed.
Joanie-she surprised me...this pic is ok, but in in life, she really ordinary. nice eyes
Kari-ok, this girl is killin me!!!! she looks so OFF!! those lips look like a platypus mouth. i know white girls with big soup-coolas are all the rage now, but i don't like hers.
Kathy-CACKLE!! BARF!!! COUGH!!! GAG!!!! sharp-shouldered, big throat granny was the first one sent home-and rightfully so!!!
Leslie-lovely pic, except for that freddy krueger wrinkled hand...it really messes up the pic, it kinda looks like somebody else's hand, but her face is great!!
Mollie Sue-pic is nice. she reminds me of Noelle from Cycle 4
Nnenna-reminiscent of grace jones here, flawless....just flawless
Sara-i don't like her face, it's really big up top and really small at the bottom, kinda like an upside-down triangle
Wendy-b.k.a. Woo-Woo-Woo b.k.a. Whoas Me-don't like this pic at all. get it together!
Danielle-i don't like her. but this pic is beautiful. she looks like a tranny at times, but she rocked this...now if she would just get braces to close up that damn GAP in her teeth!
Brooke-EW! don't like anything about her...she's just a mess. that jawline, that nose, those lips-BLEH!!! tyra kept saying she has a look that the public won't get-YOU AIN'T NEVA LIED!!!!

WHO DO YOU THINK WORKED IT? WHO DO YOU LIKE/DISLIKE? WHO DO YOU WANT TO WIN? WHO DESERVES THE MOST-LIKE-A-MOGWAI AWARD?

Throwin tha Duece!!!!!!!!

2006-03-08T11:09:00.000-05:00

i gotta peace myself out right now...be back 'round when the bull sh*t dies down................

feel free to indulge in the last few posts if you haven't already

I Remember You

2006-03-08T08:19:00.000-05:00

i am in such a funk......
yet i remember you...
gordon parks 11/30/12 - 03/07/06
photographer, writer, director, composer
you were more than a renaissance man
you were a masterpiece

for 2 days now, my tv has been hi-jacked with images and memorandums about dana reeves, widow of "superman" christopher reeves. let me start off by saying that when ANY life is lost, it is an unfortunate and sad occurence and i wish her family comfort and strength. now, as i watched my tv yesterday morning, the news team broke into my program with breaking news-dana reeves has died from lung cancer. i watched and listened, but didn't quite get why her death was breaking news. well, as the day went on, every show from that point took time out to acknowledge her death and memories of her. i then began wondering what did she do? did i miss something? did she have some monumental role that she held while she was alive? i just didn't get it. well, today was the last straw for me. i turned on good morning america as i do every morning and they were STILL talking about her and the segment they were gong to devote to her. then in a 25 second flash, GMA anchors announced that gordon parks had died. he was 93. he was a photographer with an extensive collection. he died yesterday.

now back to dana reeves, she was so kind, we'll miss her spirit. and we have someone here today who was with her when she died. we'll talk about her visions, her son, her voice. they went on and on, with clips of her (i take it she was some type of singer, not an artist, but a cabaret performer turned special event singer). then we got a beautiful montage of dana-on her illness...she spoke on that. dana-on telling her son. dana-on her life and love...her freind who was there when she dies got to speak for 4 minutes....OH CUT THE MALARCKY!!!!!!!!!!

i am still saying-WHO IS SHE!?!?!?!?! besides being married to superman, what great works has she performed? the anchors spoke of how loving she was to superman, how she hung in there...well, he fell off a horse-technically she was supposed to hang in there, he was in a wheelchair. regardless, i'm wondering WHY is there not more info on the life of gordon parks? why did he get a 25 second spot that was dry and listless? the cheerleader from iowa who feel on her head got more coverage (3 minutes). i am sick to death about how black americans are getting tossed to the wayside. there is no way you can tell me that mr. parks' works even COMPARED to whatever ms. reeves did (i'm still waiting for more clarification).

i am by no means trying to disrespect the dead or disregard one human life over another, but it seems that the powers that be blatantly SHOW that comparison and where they rank in their programming. i didn't see any news briefs yesterday about his death. even when i turned on my computer this morning (msn is my homepage), the flashbox had a whole section dedicated to dana reeves and her death, but there was NOTHING on the whole page about gordon parks. this was at 8:06 am EST.

NOT ONE LINE.

gordon parks was a visionary, extremely talented and polished in his work. Parks provided the readers of Life magazine with a unique view of the Civil Rights Movement in the 1960s. Malcolm X wrote of Parks in his autobiography, "Success among whites never made Parks lose touch with black reality." Real life and photography were often closely intertwined in Parks's work. In 1961 he was on assignment in Brazil to document poverty there. He met a young, asthmatic boy named Flavio Da Silva who was dying in the hills above Rio de Janeiro. Parks's now-famous photo-essay on Flavio resulted in donations of thousands of dollars, enabling Parks to bring the boy to a clinic in the United States for treatment. Flavio was cured and lives today outside of Rio. In 1968 he became the first black to produce and direct a film for a major studio, Warner Bros. Seven Arts. The film, The Learning Tree, was based on Parks's 1963 autobiographical novel and featured lush romanticism. Surprisingly, Parks also directed some highly commercial dramas, including Shaft (1971), Shaft's Big Score (1972), and The Super Cops (1974). In 2002 the 90-year-old Parks was inducted into the International Photography Hall of Fame and Museum in Oklahoma City and received the Jackie Robinson Foundation Lifetime Achievement Award. Although he was no longer as active as he once was, his body of work is still being recognized as an amazing contribution to American culture.

i only posted snippets about the phenomonal mr. parks. please go HERE to read a complete bio.

Rest Peacefully, Mr. Gordon Parks - You showed us images we needed to see, the color of love through your lens, your visions and your experience

Up On The 2, Down On The 3, Ned the Whino Performed for Me

2006-03-07T09:14:00.000-05:00

i was very excited to be on my way to see The Color Purple musical with my mum. the weather folks were predicting some weird type of winter storm/mixture and mum was acting extremely paranoid-so she didn't want me to drive. that left the wonderful world of mass transit...we took NJ transit into the city but we were going to dinner before the show at Native, so we had to take the subway uptown. as soon as we headed down to the platform, i could tell mum was regretting her suggestion for me not to drive. she was grabbing my arm and looking around all wide-eyed at the various sites. so as we waited for the train, we were lulled into a calm state of euphoria by the bucket drummer. finally the train arrived and we actually had room to sit-whoopee! about 2 minutes into the ride, the door opens and a loud clear voice began to say "Ladies & Gentlemen, I am on this train begging for money so that I can eat dinner tonight. Please give me money!" out comes the old plastic bag that she shoved in everyone's face as she james-brown-shuffled down the aisle saying "gimme some chaaaaange, gimme some chaaaaaange" well, i was not impressed with her performance, so i let her bypass me and i didn't contribute. i just felt like her heart wasn't in it.

anyhoos, we went to dinner-all the while mum is pulling on me and looking over her shoulder like crazy (she doesn't walk around ny very often, hardly at all to be exact). dinner was lovely and we decided it was best to head back downtown even though we had an hour and 45 minutes to burn. well, we entered the subway platform again and i was trying to get a metrocard but the machine was experiencing technical diffculties. as i was trying to see if i could get it to work, some type of imp came up to me asking for me to buy it a metrocard. i couldn't really understand it because it was talking in some weird jibberish, but i did decipher the word metrocard and i politely declined the request. well, mum must have been scared senseless cuz her face was frozen, mouth agape, clutching her pearls. you would have thought that she saw the ghost of christmas past or something...so she motions for me to go to the window to get my card. the little imp continued to harrass patrons as they waited, scratching and slobbing all over itself in pursuit of a metrocard, but no one was convinced by it's performance either. it did have on some nice old school converse sneakers though.

well, here comes the 3-so we hopped on and just as the doors were about to close, a beige and brown blur jumped in and stood in front of me. the smell eminating from this person had my eyes on fire for about 23 seconds and once i shook a few tears out, i just knew something was about to go down. holy hamburgers!! it was ned the whino!!! and he was going to perform....there were a lot of people so we held onto the pole and the audience watched with anticipation as he displayed his talents

ladies and gentlemen, i present to you the masterpiece known as Whino Wishes performed by Ned the Whino

people, people, people whats really good?
this ain't hollywood
we all in the hood
so why not be good?
what about our brothers?
our sisters and our mothers?
what about the soldiers over there?
don't ya'll think they scared?
i wonder what its like over there
i hope you all get hooooooooooooooooooome
and that you're not aloooooooooooooooooone
(then he beat the ceiling about 5 times for dramatic effect, damn near sending my mum into cardiac arrest)
yes, i'm begging on the train
no i'm not insane
just speaking from my brain
cuz this ain't hollywood
yup, i live in the hood
so could ya'll be good?
and give me some dough
i know ya'll gots to gooooooooooooooooooooooo
but remember me thooooooooooooooooooogh
cuz i ain't that strange
i'm just beggin for your spare change

now, THAT'S how you beg!!!! i felt him from the moment he high-jacked my nostrils with his aroma. he made excellent eye contact with the subway riders, he projected his voice like he was on top of mt. everest. he used hand gestures and facial expressions that were really convincing...i believe he really felt those words. and they rhymed!!!! regardless, to the fact that the poem was rather elementary, at least he thought enough to put something together.

i couldn't throw my money quickly enough...i wish i had some food or something. i would have given him that too. i'm not kidding. if you're gonna be a bum or begger, please be the best bum or begger you can be. don't just stand there with a sign and your cute dirty puppy and expect something from me. (by the way, how can homeless people afford to have pets? and where do they get arts & crafts materials from if they are broke? some have good signs, too - lamenated or with glitter and puff-paints...hmmmmmmmmmmmm) ned the whino brought it!!! and thats why he prolly earned enough money to buy a nice warm 40 ounce to snuggle up to that night.

if you see a local whino, don't just walk on by, even though the smell might make you cry, give whinos a try, don't you be shy, if you're like my mum and full of fright,don't you worry cuz you'll be alright, as long as you keep up the fight, and don't be fickle, at least throw them a nickel- cuz they gotta drink too!

awwww shizz!!! ned's catchy rhymes are inspiring!! you know that last line was like butter-AH HA!! (get yo' love jones snap on!!!)

p.s. he really did perform this piece...i only posted the parts i remembered
p.p.s. the play was excellent!!!!

I picks mah cotton er-ry day...Jus' so massa can say YAY!! I's keep on runnin, so I can gets mah pay!!

2006-03-06T09:32:00.000-05:00

yikes and egads!!! so i'm totally on the fence about this whole 3-6 mafia victory at the oscar's for their song "it's hard out here for a pimp." since i lived in the m-town for 13 years, i remember when they were just local yokles making basement beats and mediocre rap songs. well, it's 2006 and their beats have improved, but the lyrics are pretty much still the same. now don't get me wrong, when "poppin' my collar" comes on, i get my folded arms-two step on, but something about this oscar win just doesn't set right with me. yes, i was cool with 3-6 when this was just a song on the radio, but now that it has been propelled into the spotlight and placed on a pedestal, i have furrowed brows. does this make me a hypocrite? i'm like-YAY!! 3-6 won!! then i'm like-BOO! 3-6 is being clowned. then i'm like-YAY! they are finally obtaining hollywood recognition and commercial success cuz they have been in this game for a minute. then i'm like-BOO! why are they being celebrated for this? i'm sayin'- why have the last few roles blacks have won for been a little questionable? halle for playing a broke-down ho...denzel for playing a corrupt cop pimpin the system and now 3-6 for singing about pimps and hos. when we are burying the competition like angela bassett in "what's love..." and mos def in "something the lord made" or denzel in "malcolm x" or "glory" or hurricane" no one has anything to say...but let a colored person act a fool, shuck and jive, or hustle and flow their way into the spotlight and BRAVO!!! ENCORE!!!! more, more, MORE!!! can't get enough...i'm tired of black folks feeling like once the "academy" or whoever recognizes them-oh, we dun got over, nah!!! not to mention, if denzel washington and will smith had to call terence howard and implore him NOT to perform that song on the show, then hmmmmmmmm.....what does that say about the critically acclaimed song? there's a reason why they did that. a reason why taraji was up there and not terence cuz, believe me, he was planning on it. oh yes, he was gonna buck-jump right along with everyone else. and what makes it worse is that monday morning is a joke for 3-6. every radio station, every news team and interviewer has a barrel o' jokes about this song. diane sawyer on Good Morning America had her 2 cents, bill paxon on regis and kelly couldn't resist mentioning it 3 times during his interview as everyone laughed hysterically. (his new show on HBO is about him being in a polygamous situation with 3 women) the dj's on the radios are playing their acceptance speech and saying things like "what are they saying?" "i can't understand these negroes" and "can someone go get cuba to help translate?" what a joke! and i feel so torn cuz i feel their happiness, their win, their progress, but why do we have to be SO happy to accept any scrap the powers that be throw in our direction? we're so happy to be accepted that we don't even care what it's for....

i'm looking at tv this morning and listening to the critics who are laughing at them...just whoopin' it up using the song title as a new catch phrase and celebrating like they just found the new sleep-n-eat and man tan n'em. i just decided that i'm not on the fence anymore...i'm saddened by this and its implications. damn, we have soooooo much more to offer than half-naked hoochies, platinum/diamond grills and glorified sob stories.

p.s. why is everyone saying it's the "biggest upset" that crash won for best picture? that movie was brilliant, very in-your-face about race relations, which we keep trying to sweep under the rug (whole 'nother topic). so brokeback mountain didn't win that award, but it won for something. sorry if i don't feel bad that a film that upholds cheating on your wife by carrying on a secret gay love affair got "robbed." now, i don't have any problem against anyone's sexual preference, but that storyline runs a little too parallel to the one of the biggest reasons why black women are dying from AIDS (#1 for ages 24-35)-at least those who got it from their husbands, boyfriends and fiances who are doing just what the brokeback cowboys were doing. for the women who KNOW what's going on in their relationship(s), keep themselves at risk and don't get tested...but especially those who DON'T know and fall victim to someone else's lie, i don't feel for that movie or it's cast.

i'm tired of black folks runnin' to the table for their crumbs, tired of listening to the jokes and innuendos, tired of people runnin' away from the real issues in our community, and tired of being overlooked for greatness-only to be celebrated for foolishness.

i'm just in a funk about the whole thing...what do you think?

Miss A.'s Matrix - Ode to Ne-yo Cuz I'm So Sick

2006-02-28T11:26:00.000-05:00

(FEEL FREE TO SING ALONG AND SIMULTANEOUSLY DEPLETE THE O-ZONE LAYER EVEN MORE)

Hmmmmm, hmmmmmmmmm
Doo, doo doo doo doo doo doo-oh yeah

Gotta change my radio station
when I’m in the car
Cuz if I hear this one more time
I swear I’m gonna barf

And I know I'm being mean
Er’time I hear this song
But it’s the only thing that comes to mind when its on

Its ridiculous
How this crap gets so much damn airplay
Cant take it no moooooore
And I’m sick to my depths
Wanna kill myself
If I hear him whine one mo’ time
Im so sick of this hot mess, wanting to be deaf

And I’m so sick of Ne-yo
He’s on my nerves
So tired of hearing
His cryin’ like a girl
Said I’m so sick of Ne-yo
His mom is wack
And why’s she looking like her name is Babs?
(jay-z, mother
ne-yo, ne-yo)

Gotta change the video I see
That shows him in that fur
Cuz I do not advocate
So much damn animal murder
And it looks like seventeen wild wolves
Died on his front stoop
So he threw them on, but really he looks like a fool

That’s the reason I’m so sick of Ne-yo
I’ll take him on
Grab him up real fast
By his rhinestone thong
Said I’d make him this song
Feel the pain I feel
Having to listen to this sappy spiel

Leeeeeeeeeave me aloooooooooooone
Sissy Ne-yooooooooo
Don’t wanna hear you cry and plead
It just makes my ears bleed
All the tiiiiiiiiiime
I wanna poke you in the eye

Said I’m so sick of Ne-yo
Blah, blah, blah-blah
So tired of wonderin’
If he wears bras
Said I’m so sick of Ne-yo
He’s just so wrong
But why’d I take the time to write this song? (Repeat 3x)

(Now I need a stiff drink-BLEH!)

My Quarter Bag o' Responses

2006-02-27T12:33:00.000-05:00

YAY!!! you guys really read this stuff!!!! smooches all around!!!! These are my real responses to the real love ya'll gave me-MMMWAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Candy613 said:
First off nice pic...damn it I dispute # 64....

Miss A: thank you…and damn it, you would dispute # 64 because if you didn't, that would make you guilty of attempted vehicular manslaughter :-P (love ya)

Shawn said:
I feel like I'm allergic to kids too. You cussed out an 8 year old? YOU are out of control. When is your reality tv show debuting again?that milk - cold cereal thing you do is just plain off.Please why those 3 actresses are your imaginary friends?What are the 4 plastic surgeries? What are the chances you have the operations performed?"and we can pump, pumpall through the night till the early morn"

Miss A:
Yes, I cussed him cuz if you’re grown enough to run your mouth like an adult, then you’re old enough to get cussed like one. And yes, the milk thing is weird, prolly cuz I was allergic to it as a young whippersnapper. As far as the 3 actresses, Queen Latifah and I have a lot in common. I love her versatility and her courage to do and try new things. Tracee Ellis Ross has a sick fashion sense and her sense of humor (from what I have observed) is similar to mine..she seems like such a fun and cool person. Brandy-I’ve always liked her and when she went through that whole scandal with her fake marriage, etc. she still kept her face out there…she’s not letting it take her down. Not to mention, I have/love all of her albums. I would like to have collagen injections, the point in my nose rounded, lipo in my face and lipo on my thighs. The collagen and and lipo are highly likely with in the next 18 months…the nose scares me cuz once its altered, there’s no turning’ back!!! “in the morning I will take you around the hood on a gangsta lean…and we can pump, pump any time of day, it’s all good for me” –LOL

@ Ladynay-thank u, nice to make your blo-quaintance ;-)
@ jameil-I love your in-depth description..lol
@ Ms. Na-thank you and come on back around these parts!!
@ Honey-Libra-hmmm, stalking is seriously the most wack thing someone can do and the woman took it so far as me having to take her to court…long story. And yes, crackie was oh so surprised (see crackhead story)
@ Awe-thank u, mono sucks big funky toes and CLOROX ROCKS!!!!!
@ Sylvia-thank u, there seems to be a lot of laughter at my blog’s expense (and I love it!, I guess I’m good at something after all ;-)
@msnhim-ooh, a fellow MarshMouth…YUMMY !!!

Insanelysane said:
I hate milk too. Do you even drink soy milk?

Miss A.
Only chocolate soy milk….the white ones looks like regular milk and I just…can’t…do…it

The L said:
You got robbed by a crackhead? How did you find him/her? I am sure there is a good storie behind that?

Miss A:
Well, now that u mention it…it goes a lil’ something like this. One unsuspecting night as I partied away with my girls, a crackhead, who we'll call Mr. Crackie for anonymity's sake, decided to break into my car at the time, Casper the friendly Honda. I came out to see that he stole my luggage which was chock full of goodies including my Ipod, some clothes, my planner, my luggage itself (red croc-gasp!) and two purses that were inside the luggage. One of the purses held my credit cards which I tried to cancel that night. I cancelled all but one because their number was experiencing technical difficulties, so I had to wait until the morning. When I called the next morning, I asked had there been any charges between last night and the morning and there had been-at a hotel around the corner from where he stole my stuff!! So I got the #, called the facility and blacked out cuz I was like-HEY!!! U LET SOMEONE CHECK IN WITH MY STOLEN CARD!!! And the chick gave me attitude so I hung up and drove up there with the police. Turns out, Mr. Crackie charged multiple rooms and was taking cash from would-be patrons at a low price of about $30, no doubt for his impending crack-apalooza, but the hard part was finding which room he was actually in since he had charged so many. Enter multiple officers, scouring the halls busting in on folks, etc…kinda like a scene from COPS and they got him, with 2 of my credit cards, shirtless with yellow eyes and cracked ashy lips and dirty do’rag to cover the top of his nappy crackhead. He tossed my property but kept 2 cards which they found on him….so my detective skills and quick reaction time caught him at the spot before he bounced, but I must also give him credit for being stupid enough to chill like he didn’t do anything wrong. You would think he would’ve hopped from place to place trying to get stuff, but he posted up in his room like he was King Alli-Baba…cocaine is one hell of a drug!!!!!!!

Nikki said:
beautiful photo! i loved your answers. very candid.i've got one question. what does it feel like to be in love?

Miss A:
thank you so much….oooh, someone else just asked me that recently. I would have to say that the way I feel (being in love) is such a kamikaze of emotion. It’s my air. With this person, I want to be the “me” I truly am. I’m not hiding, I’m not afraid. I’m at my realest state because my love knows me inside-out, up, down and all-around. Sometimes it hurts…it hurts to know that this person wholly accepts me and so many people do not. But that makes our bond undeniable. Even through tough times, we have gotten to a point where there isn’t one thing that we couldn’t see our way through cuz the way we feel isn’t conditional…and it goes way beyond us, to our future family and their families. So it has become a priority for us to be realistic and responsible about each other so as not to ruin our ideals and situations with a bunch of fairy-tale garbage…and we have managed to do it. Alone, yes, I am a strong, determined person. I am full of compassion and gentleness. I’m creative, sensitive, affectionate and understanding. But with my love, in love, held by love and wrapped tightly by my love, I am but a reflection of the beauty and wonderment that I receive. And it makes me even stronger and better every day…wanting to perfect and preserve that which is the best of me.

@ “n”- hey, get to making ur list cuz I’d love to see which things we have in common…I never thought I’d meet another MarshMouth, but there is one out there…lol
@ Miss Ahmad-you are very interesting..i wonder what you r list would entail (hint, hint)
@spchrist-is your list still up? I might have to check that out :-P
@ D.O.M. – thank you, hon ( I got lucky in the genes department)!!! And I must say, perfectionism is a beautiful thing…its sets you apart from the masses who usually do things the quick and easy way-:-D!!
@ stephen bess-puh=lease do NOT get me started about all of the great things that make up Queen Latifah…thanx!

NayNay said:
"46. I currently chew 1 ½ fat packs of big-red gum per day"this shit here will have ur taste buds DEAD!!!! I chewed a about 10 pieces in night at the club, i tent to chew alot when im in large crowds cuz i get nervous, and the next morning, i woke up and couldnt feel my tounge! LOL..no lie...i love all things pink too and i love target but why did u get thrown out? LOL!!

Miss A:
Hmm, u aint lying, cuz sometimes, my mouth gets all tingly and numb but I still do it. And I got thrown out of Target for fighting the person I was in there with…my thing is, you WILL NOT embarrass me in public, cuz if you do, I will up the ante and embarrass the both of us times 10 and that’s what happened….i was so wild in my heyday…lol

@ yaz-well, I am a gusto-loving cheeseball!!!!!!
@ruben-#1, thank you so much and #2 thank you even more :-D

obifromsouthlondeon said:
aight you lost 33 pounds last year! incredible. before and after pictures. I simply cant believe it (yeah i'm an old cynic).

Miss A.:
Hmmm, before pics, I’ll see if I ever feel that brave…lol

And Last But Certainly Not Least”
To my West Coast Twin A Girl Named Shawn:
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are gray….ha ha ha!!! and Flavor of Love was CLASSIC!!!!! OH MY GOODNESS!!!! the best part was at the end when they showed NY going after Pumkin in slow-mo and they made that lion sound for NY and the puppy sound for Pumkin...i nearly wet myself-AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! RRRRRRRRRRRROFLLLLLLLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think we share brain fragments, soul pieces and cat baby love…that’s why me and you, us never part-MAKEE DAA-DAA FOREVER!!!!!!!

My Nickel Bag o' Funk

2006-02-23T10:04:00.000-05:00

hmmmmm, so i've seen a few posts where people have divulged info about themselves and allowed questions from the blogiverse to be answered at a later date....so i figured -Why Not? Not to mention, a fellow blogger asked me "who i was," so behold my Little Known Facts and i encourage you to post any questions you would like me to answer in the next post.....

MISS A's NICKEL BAG O' FUNK!!!

1. I wore braces from 11th grade to freshman year in college cuz of a cross-bite...lol
2. I got into spelman college (didn’t think I would), chickened out and didn’t go, then said I would transfer second semester and chickened out AGAIN
3. I have a younger brother who looks older than me
4. I love all things pink, purple or pink-and-green, but fashion wise, I love black
5. I am terrified of all insects great and small
6. I have obsessive compulsive disorder
7. I was robbed by a crackhead once
8. I played detective and caught the crackhead the day after he robbed me
9. I really enjoy wine
10. I don’t like that my legs are so long
11. I would like to have plastic surgery one day (4 total)
12. I am probably one of the most sensitive people walking around planet earth
13. I love Clorox products
14. I paint but am too afraid to let people see my paintings
15. I am a fool for romance and sweet little gestures
16. I am a fool for romance and sweet big gestures
17. I have an addiction to body products, especially lotions and creams
18. I was a closet smoker for a (very) brief period of time-YUK! how gross!
19. I have a high liquor tolerance
20. I have a low BS tolerance
21. I have been thrown out of a Target before
22. I was an awkward looking person until about age 20
23. Now, I’m too fabulous for words :-)
24. I burned my right leg on a motorcycle pipe once
25. I love stilettos
26. I can cook but am usually too lazy to actually do it
27. I will go buy new underwear if I haven’t made it to the Laundromat yet
28. I like to eat marshmallow fluff from the jar
29. I’m in love
30. I like to tan, including tanning beds
31. I’ve been stalked and harassed by a man and a woman
32. I’ve caked a car before (poured rotten eggs, oil, flour and sugar on it)
33. I worry about smells a lot so I overdose on candles and oils
34. I can wake up in the morning and start eating candy
35. I used to be addicted to coca-cola (two 6-packs a day) and it landed me right in the hospital
36. I’m extremely hard-headed
37. My high school got hit by a tornado when I was a sophomore, so I had to go to school from 12p-5p at a rival school across town
38. I can talk myself out of speeding tickets really well (9 so far)
39. I got a ticket for doing 30 in a 25 once and couldn’t talk my way out of it
40. I have osteo-arthritis in my knees
41. I despise people who live in America and can’t speak/understand (basic) English
42. The first time I got drunk, I tinkled on someone’s front lawn
43. It took me 5 ½ years to graduate from college
44. I am mildly obsessed with queen latifah, tracee ellis ross, and brandy (they are friends in my head)
45. I drink Pepto-Bismol from the bottle
46. I currently chew 1 ½ fat packs of big-red gum per day
47. I have 3 godchildren, 2 girls, 1 boy
48. I feed my cat people food (like chicken, bread, vanilla frosting, doughnuts, etc.) even though I know I shouldn’t
49. I cried the first time I had to drive in snow
50. I lost 33 pounds last year
51. I only own Nike sneakers
52. I stood up to a corporate head once and she loved me for it
53. I taught behaviorally disturbed autistic adult men for 5 months
54. I suffered 4 injuries during that teaching stint
55. I yelled at Shawn Wayans at the front desk of a hotel I used to work at-before I realized who he was
56. I was pushed into Keenan Ivory Wayans while I was in a wheelchair once by an immigrant airport worker after I had surgery
57. I once worked at a Center for Earthquake Research and don’t know a thing about earthquakes
58. My high school guidance counselor loved me so much that she took me out of school one day and took me shopping and for apple pie
59. I love Star Jones-Reynolds
60. I have an all-white cat named Starr Jonez
61. I want an all-black cat that i will name Weslee Snipez
62. I worry myself sick sometimes
63. I got passed over for a job that I was qualified for so it could go to the niece of the Head Honcho’s friend - and i made sure she got a traffic ticket during her first week (I GOT THE HOOK-UP!! Holla of ya hear me!!)
64. I have had 2 near death experiences at the hands of my best friend’s driving
65. I had one near death experience at the hands of a too-short Chinese girl while we were in driving school
66. I had one near death experience at the hands of myself (hydroplaned after speeding one night in the rain)
67. I had a car accident in a rental car once
68. I sleep with an eye mask
69. I couldn’t date until I was 18
70. I didn’t turn 18 until I graduated from high school-HA!
71. I’m a good road-trip driver
72. I feel like slapping a b*tch
73. I watch way too much reality tv
74. I only drink room temperature Poland Springs bottled water
75. I am certified to draw blood from people
76. I cry when I am stuck with needles
77. I am paranoid about wrinkles
78. I hate milk, i.e. when eating cold cereal I only put enough in to wet the cereal, but don’t get any on the spoon
79. I broke my ankle the night before I graduated from high school by skipping down a lumpy front yard
80. I wish I could play the piano
81. *get up & get, get, get down, 9-1-1 is a joke in yo’ town-hee, hee
82. I’ve had my lungs collapsed
83. I cried like a baby when queen latifah’s mother stood 5 feet away from me (too scared to say anything)
84. I’m a perfectionist
85. I got mononucleosis as a senior in high school from drinking out of a contaminated cup at the prom
86. Me and my doctor share the same first name as a “freaky” singer (mine's spelled differently)
87. I’ve always wanted to do a toothpaste commercial
88. I wish I had a complete “Fraggle Rock” DVD collection and an old school Nintendo game set w/ Super Mario Bros. 1, 2 & 3
89. I am extremely squeamish about other people’s bodily things like hair and fingernails/toenails on the floor (hey, include myself in that statement-it all freaks me out)
90. I burned the veil of a bride whose wedding I was coordinating (with an iron of course) and she never knew (cuz I’m the shizz!)
91. I despise all gelatinous substances, i.e. pudding, jell-o, meringues
92. I love sushi and plum sake
93. I’m allergic to other people’s kids (except for my g-kids)
94. I detest them so much, I cursed out a smart-mouthed 8-year-old at the hair salon once
95. No, I didn’t feel bad…I warned him and his mama!
96. I’m smarter than most people think I am
97. I’m good at mixing drinks
98. Once while playing hide-and-seek in the dark, I fell and a radio antenna went straight up into my nose (Ouch!)
99. I only like soups that are cream-based, not water/broth based
100. My plants at home are named Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, Mike & Ralph (I didn’t include Johnny with his home-wreckin’ *zz!)
101. I am extremely uncomfortable around large groups of colored people in/around my neighborhood (yes, I said colored)
102. I am a HOT BEYATCH!!!!!!!!! And I Love It!!!!!!!!!!

if u do have questions to ask, post now and i will answer on monday's post! smooches!!

Gimme My Damn Dollar, Chick!

2006-02-21T12:57:00.000-05:00

i need help with this one, my umi (or somebody) needs to holla at me...

i ordered my lunch from RT today and was excited about my delectable salad that was being constructed just for moi!

so i took up the girl-over-the-phone's offer to use curbside service where i did not have to get out of my car, but my lunch would be brought to my window-GREAT!! well, she tells me 10-15 minutes and i'm there in 15. i sit there and wait for 7 more (yes, i counted) minutes beyond the 15 i was told. now, here's where the stankocity crept upon my attitude. i had a $20 bill. my order came to $9 even. i was glad because i needed to pass a $10 off when i got back to work and i had no more change. so here comes over-the-phone girl with my salad and i gave her the 20. i just knew she was gonna give me a 10 and a 1 dollar bill and i figured that i could spot her the "1" cuz she didn't really do anything and i had to wait extra time. it wasn't as if i was inside and she kept my drink glass full, checked on my meal, kept refreshing my crouton bowl-none of that, so i wasn't beat about tipping her anything. also, i'm not pressed about $1 but there are principalities at stake, here.

well, what in the green hell does this chick do??? she brings me 6 1's and a 5...presumably because she was expecting a tip greater than 1 and less than 5. i was not prepared for all these befangled 1's so when i opened the little leather case, the wind whipped all my little one's into the parking lot and you woulda thought it was raining MD 20/20 cuz ol' girl made some kinda whooping sound and scrampered all around gathering them up (and rightfully so). so i sat, watched and waited for her to hand me my 6 one's and she handed them to me one by one as if i was gonna get down to where both of us had 3 and 3 and say-"you got that" so i kept giving her the WTF face and as she handed me the 5th one and clenched the last, i said "you gon' give me that one too!" then i sped off to enjoy my yummy salad.

now, here is where i get caught up, i feel a little bad but not really. am i wrong for getting peeved because she altered the change so as to receive her (in my opinion) unearned tip? and then because she held my dollars hostage like she didn't want to give them back, then reluctantly handed me them with an all-too-watchful eye like i OWED her? how did she know i didn't already have a couple of singles in my bag-but OH NO!!! you want to cause a parking lot spectacle by ENSURING i had the change to tip you, even though i had to wait. i have a problem with the service industry thinking that just because you did your job, you have now earned kudos and crispy one's thrown in your direction. she made 20 steps to my car, 20 steps back for change, took too long doing it, and an added 87 steps dancing around in the wind, nonetheless, she didnt provide any exemplory service, anything above and beyond or impressive-just a to-go bag. and i dont care if tips are how you earn your money, if you need more financial security, dont put all your eggs in the restaurant basket-its too fickle an industry! cuz for me to tip you well, you have to dance a jig, give me a mint, compliment my hair , keep my glass full and NEVER put ice in my beverage!!! anything less, gets you the wink-and-the-gun and a polite "thank you"

(okay, the last sentence was a joke, they don't have to compliment my hair)

now was i wrong for catching attitude at her presumptiveness? i ain't no perfect man, i'm tryin' to do the best that i can-with what it is i have-lawd knows i don't TRY to be mean to the scamps of the world.

Is It Just Me!?!?!

2006-02-20T12:41:00.000-05:00

ok, so i was wondering if i was the only one who thinks these random thoughts from time to time??

TELL ME......

is it just me or does chamillionaire's mouth region resemble that of an orangutan?

is it just me, or does kimora lee simmons' neck look like a pack of bratwurst? why so many deep creases? (look closely)

is it just me or does anyone else think that besides it being classless, tacky, ghetto and a poor way to invest your money, grills are unsanitary? i mean, they look like they smell-wouldn't it after a build up of spit, food, smoke or whatever touches them? or are there grill rules? can you only wear them for interviews and videos or are they fully functional? can you chew gum with it in your mouth? can't you just imagine flecks of breath mints, gum residue and some chewed up chicken all up in between the diamonds just making them smell like classic yukmouth?

is it just me, or is there NO amount of money or publicity that would make me kiss this man? or even act like i'm attracted to him?

is it just me or do you agree that stretch-marked boobies should remain under wraps?

and most importantly, is it just me or does ashanti manage to ALWAYS have her big mouth open like a cacklin' hyena in pictures? NOTHING is ever THAT funny and it's NOT CUTE!!!!!! missy needs to peek at an etiquette book or have someone RE-groom her on what actions/poses/looks are appropriate during public appearances. while we must suffer through these pictures, no one wants to see what ashanti had to eat today........

the damn apple doesn't fall far.......BOO!! and P.S. is it just me again, that thinks her and her tag-along momma have terrible taste in lipstick?? its either too pale or too 80's red...just a smorgasbord of ewwwwwwww!!

tell me i'm not CRAZY!!!!

Fugly is the New Mogwai, I Mean SUPERMODEL!!!!!!!!!!

2006-02-15T15:52:00.000-05:00

i wasn't gonna post anything else today, but tyra n'em done lost it-i tell ya!!

YAY!! After much anticipation, Cycle 6 of America's Next Top Model has put its new contestants on display and i must say-i'm convinced that ug-mugs are the new fabulous. the funnier looking you are-the further you are gonna go. now some of these chicks do actually look nice after makeup, hair and airbrushing magic...but where's the fun in that?!?!-BEHOLD THE TRANSFORMATIONS>>>>>>>>>>>>
YIKES!!!! before and after made me choke on my chewing gum..low budget angelina-BOO!

ok, before looks a hot country mess with those uneven lop-sided eyebrows. and after doesn't do anything for me either...it's looks slightly tranny.-BOO!

nearer my god to thee!!!!!!!!!!! was this a joke?!?! ok, i wasn't gonna even comment cuz where do you start with this one? but she looks like the neighborhood homeless woman who always asks for your pocket change to get cigarettes or somebody's aunt chaunceen who chain smokes and says the word "sh*t" a lot. FU-ronda...OMG!!! help me father!!!! no need to even see the after.

how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?? my what big teeth you have, gina!-BOO!

OK, HERE IS THE WINNER!!!! she better win or i will never watch this show again. the before pic is a little scary, but sista girl is the shizz....watch out eva!! (kinda looks like a more asian keke wyatt)

wtf?!?! every day looking, nothing special-BOO!

missy looks a little twisted in the before pic, maybe too many celebratory shots the night before. after bores me and some chap stick is needed ASAP!!! BOO!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! oh holy hamburgers!!!! whose big-throat having, sharp shoulder grandmother got past the judges!?!?! i cannot even believe that this person made it into the audition. she looks about 40 and the expression just gave me a nightmare. i think she happened to baby jane and emily rose-just one look was all it took. BOO! BARF! CACKLE! GAG! i swear the fuglier....no need to continue. seems like anyone can get on that show. maybe i should snap a pic of Tashi upstairs with her hurling that african statue around...i bet she'd make it to the finals, especially since a lot of these girls have an ashy-lip issue. tashi would fit riiiiiiiiight in.

(there are a few more girls but my computer got tired of loading all those wack pics)

YA'LL GET THE PICTURE!! i will definitely watch EVERY one of these episodes to see which one of these mogwai's gets the ax each week.

Poop On Your Dress!

2006-02-14T09:59:00.000-05:00

LOVE STINKS!!! well, no it doesn't, ABC Television does

this post will be full of hateration because i am shocked and appalled at the foolishness that i witnessed on LIVE! with Regis and Kelly monday morning. there was a couple, staci tompkins and jeremy mcninch, who was selected to have their wedding paid for and performed live on the show....now, i'm all down for love and ish, but the reasoning behind this debacle was what bothered me.

this couple was chosen because they were victims of Hurricane Katrina and since N.O. is still in rebuilding stage, they couldn't have thier wedding. now, call ME crazy, but i feel as though there were MANY more productive ways to blow money on Katrina victims. how many people are still without homes? the news was just reporting about the number of people who were being housed in hotels paid for by FEMA and are now being told that their deadline has arrived, so they have to bounce. where are they going to go? hmmmm, we shall see. yet, regis and kelly bestowed these poor, unfortunate lovebirds with a brand new car, and a ridiculously lavish wedding including, rings (hers was 4 carats), attire, pictures, flowers, the reception at Tavern On The Green, a suite at the Waldorf, spa time, limos, furniture, a $10,000 registry at Target and a honey moon in Bora Bora, Tahiti. after adding all that up, i'm sure the monetary value of this event could have really been most useful for some struggling parents and children who (still) have no where to live and are without basic necessities, or even the people who are still without hospital space and need medical attention. i mean, i was waiting for them to say the bride or groom was terminally ill, or lost a limb trying to save people during the hurricane, or something really outstanding or extraordinary which granted them such an elaborate gift, something that made them stand out from the thousands of other Katrina victims....but i guess not. why focus on the families and children who are scraping by when we can blow money on some regular folks who had to postpone their wedding??? that seems urgent to me. how 'bout you? i wonder if tyrone and shequanika were in this same predicament, would they have received all these bells and whistles? well, this post is for the tyrones and shequanikas who have postponed their weddings, fed their kids, found places to lay their heads, kept it moving through sickness and disease and are still making a way out of no way - and are doing so with no pats on the back, a tv camera shoved in thier face, or assistance placed ever-so-gently in thier laps. and to the newlywed mcninch's, may your filet mignon be undercooked, your honeymoon weather be nothing but rain, and the beautiful white wedding doves poop on your ridiculous wedding dress.

Blizzard '06 and All Kinds of Negrocity

2006-02-13T14:48:00.000-05:00

IG'NANCE OF THE DAY:: "We would be on the slopes and wouldn't even have any skis. Black folks would be out there in they church shoes!" - Cedric the Entertainer from The Original Kings of Comedy

HA!!! and speaking of the darker nation doing things a little unorthodoxly, i must speak on the blizzard we experienced the other night. It really sucked to have to shovel and de-ice cars, walkways, steps, etc. nonetheless, there was a silver lining to the snow capped cloud of Blizzard '06...my imbecilic neighbors. first things first - we got 26.9 inches of snow. every channel had been force-feeding the public about the upcoming weather for at least a week and what to expect. Home Depot had a 50% off sale on all snow related merchandise like shovels and snow-blowers. this was not a game...hence my utter confusion and laughter when last night, i witnessed my neighbor digging around over 2 feet of snow with a Tennis Racket.

People, 2 feet of snow is NO JOKE!!!! especially when other people around you are trying to dig their way out and are piling more snow around your property or car to make way for themselves...but a tennis racket?!??! no wonder why he kept jumping in and out of the corolla watching as normal people shoveled and spread ice-melter...he was probably in awe of the simplicity of doing things while using common sense. i'm sure his eyes were itching and his mouth was burning, just DYING to ask me to use my shovel, ice-scraper or my ice melt mixture...but i guess he learned his lesson when he asked for a jump that last time...so he toiled away like an anorexic serena williams lost in the freshly fallen snow - racket, windbreaker and all.

then mine eyes were privy to the show that started my monday off with a good gut-busting laugh...watching this fool navigate out of his parking space over the now ice that he couldn't chip away with his racket yesterday. of course, he managed to wiggle his way in front of my car and get stuck on an ice patch, so i could not move as i watched him burn the last few treads of his tires away. i guess he got tired of going nowhere and i'm sure he noticed my cold stare, so here come the minions, his ashy wife and sister-one with a wire hanger and the other with some type of tribal artifact - no doubt to chip away at the ice. i almost died laughing at the vision of these fools, one just poking the ice with the tip of a hanger and the other breaking the wooden boobs off of somebody's ancestral likelihood. now the gods are probably all awry and spinning on another axis due to the violation of this statue...which i'm sure will result in a tribal ceremony tonight to beg for forgiveness....nonetheless, i was glad to be able to see the spectacle that i will call Nigs in the Blizz '06.

+ =

BHM, Trench Coat Mafia and Church Shoes are NOT the Move!!!!

2006-02-09T10:38:00.000-05:00

so, i went to the club last night so i could get my dance on, which i haven't done in a long, long time. i was struggling because i had fallen asleep at home and once me and starr hit the bed, it's usually over. but i forced myself into the dead of night, blistering winds and took a few energy shots before i headed to the spot. now, as i said, i was struggling and fighting against the sleep that was overwhelming me, but i figured that when i got there, i would be inspired by the music and/or dance crowd to shake it off. instead i witnessed Mother Africa and the Continental Congo Clappers*, a member of the Trench Coat Mafia and someone's uncle that allegedly came straight from Bible Study to the club. (* this was not their name, i just felt like it should have been)

let me break it down

(a) Mother Africa and the CCC were performing (no doubt for Black History Month) some type of jazz infused ceremonial procession. it was TERRIBLE. first off, it was too late for that. people came to dance and the band was hogging the floor howling to the high heavens about good black folk, freedom and incense, and who knows what else while everyone sat/stood with stone faces and drunken stupors just praying for the demise of this performance. my buzz was wearing off and sleep was kicking my behind all over the place. nonetheless 45 minutes later, they began to clear the floor (which took an additional 30 minutes) and made way for the Drunk Hoochie Hump Show that i noticed was boiling over by the bar....YAY!!!!

(b) as i two-stepped in the corner i noticed this dude who looked very odd. not because of the off beat river dance he seemed to be doing. not because of the way he seemed to have wild energy bursts then all of the sudden become completely still...but because of the floor length black trench coat he was flailing around, no doubt wacking a few people in the butt and face when he "felt the spirit"
....ummm, just for future reference-Trench Coats are not appropriate club attire OR outerwear when on the way to the club. i mean, wear it (if you must), but please take it off once you have entered the facility and make a bee-line to coat check because it looks very, shall i say, deranged and killer-ish. not to mention, it can be interpreted as a weapon if you are flinging it around while you are doing your leg stretches and high kicks...someone's cornea could be sliced for cryin' out loud!!

and finally (c) the music began to get really good and i made the mistake of looking to the right and my eyes beheld the vision of Brother Cornelius of the deacon board slipping and sliding across the floor in his (very well-broken in) church shoes. now, as he proceeded to do the "george jefferson" shuffle and even the holy ghost dance, i noticed he was really getting into it, hence drawing a crowd. so as we, the observers began to whisper amongst ourselves, a family member of Bro. ended up next to me and i overheard a comment he made to another (presumed) family member. so i asked "you're related to him?" and he said yes, we just left my mom's funeral...that's why he's dressed like that. (1) why do you leave a funeral and go straight to the club? (2) i know he realized people were wondering what was up, but why did he volunteer all of that info? that seemed a little personal and inappropriate to share with random club-goers. and finally (3) why were those church shoes so curled at the toe?

damn i need a pocket size night vision camera!

Prisoner Released!!!

2006-02-09T09:36:00.000-05:00

well, since the ransom has been forfeited, one prisoner # 524ME-OW941, toussaint, has been released from his cell by virtue of his own recognizance. (the kitty porn didn't hurt either!!)....ah, but one last thing....

TAKE THIS WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!

CURSE TOUSSAINT AND HIS DANG-
BLASTED SEXINESS!!!! HE DEFLOWERED
THE PURITY THAT MS. JONEZ ONCE
BEHELD.

(we can work out custody and visitation later, no lawyers please
p.s. what do you think about the name LaToussarian?)

I'm Scared of Being Scared, sniffle, sniffle

2006-02-08T12:00:00.000-05:00

ok, so yesterday as i watched The Tyra Banks Show, i had a revelation. the topic was people and their phobias.

tyra herself was afraid of dolphins, some lady was afraid of pennies and another was afraid of ketchup. and as it pained me to admit the truth, my epiphany broke free from my naked, shattered heart and i realized that i too, suffer from numerous phobias. tyra and i cried together as i sorted out exactly which ones are going to be the death of me as i know it......i am bearing my soul and sharing that i am afflicted with the following fears:

Slime-blennophobia, Wind-ancraopobia, Teenagers-ephebiphobia, The Figure 8-octophobia, 4+ inch heels-stilettophobia, Dust-amathophobia, Ugliness-cacophobia, Knees-genuphobia, Bald People-peladophobia, Fog-homichlophobia, looking up-anablephobia, Crackheads-crackheadophobia, High Water Pants-tooshortophobia, Long words-hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, Infinity-apeirophobia, Scotch Tape-stickyophobia, Chins-geniophobia, and the BIGGEST SHOCKER!!!!!!!!!

The Bogeyman and bogeys-bogeyphobia.

AHHHH...i need therapy. i knew i was a freak....i'm so terrified. this is controlling my life. I NEED, I NEED.....

to stop watching the tyra banks show and surfing the phobia list.

(for those who really do suffer with real phobias, no harm intended)
(p.s. i only made up four of these phobias, the rest are real)

Starr Jonez and Weslee Snipes, or maybe Toussaint?

2006-02-08T11:35:00.000-05:00

OMG!!! so i've mentioned my cat starr jonez many a times and for the past month i have been searching for an all black cat (that i would name weslee snipes) to join her at my home where they could live forever in cat harmony...but i have yet to find him yet. but i have found an adopted brother to hold us over and his name is toussaint. he technically belongs to a girl named shawn, but starr and i have abducted him via the blogiverse.....hee hee!! aren't they adorable!??!

Me, My Sista Neva Part, Makee-Daa Daa

2006-02-07T13:40:00.000-05:00

WORD OF THE DAY:: aberration n. - the disorder of the mind; deviation from a type or standard.

ok, so i'm minding my own business this morning, trying to head off to the plantation and beat the morning traffic. but as i am attempting to get in the car, my neighbor approaches me and says "goooood mornin sista. i wonda if i can get jump from your car. mine not stahtin." (yes, he has a thick accent) so i paused for about 3 1/2 seconds before i blinked and said "um, NOPE!" and hopped in the ride. what type of aberration was this man suffering from to even approach me like that? or better yet, what type of aberration did he think i might be experiencing to be so gracious to him, a complete stranger who works my last nerve? we aren't friends. and i certainly will not sacrifice being on time and get in trouble with Massa just to help you out...i don't even know your name. you should have that AAA like i do cuz they have that free-standing battery thing that can jump you without having to suck the life from anyone's personal car battery...or at least have a buddy or someone to call that knows you.

now, once i was contently driving away bopping to the morning tunes, i reflected on that brief interaction and said, maybe you were being mean, miss a. maybe you should have let him jump his raggedy piece of car...he might be late for work or whatever. but then i quickly snapped back into reality. first off, just because we are both of the brown persuasion, don't call me "sista" all sweet cuz you need something. when we cross paths on a regular day and your piece of car is working properly, i don't get a "gooood mornin sista" or "hello der sista" or "how are you tooooday sista." but when you need this SISTA and the juice that flows through my ride's pipes, its all pleasant and familial. or maybe when you and your ashy wife and sister are messing up my water pressure taking 20 baths a day, where is your concern for SISTA downstairs? or maybe when you are cooking your buffalo or antelope or zebras making the whole joint smell like a national geographic special, what about poor SISTA's nasal passages and eyes that are burning from the stench? or maybe when SISTA is trying to relax and listen to some jazz and sip some wine and all ya'll decide to have a tribal ceremony complete with drums and bells and ish, causing all types of ruckus and making my poor cat have a heart attack, what about that? you don't think twice about SISTA till ya need something.

BOTTOM LINE, unless your name is celie and we were separated while we skipped through flowers and sang that makee-daa-daa song....or unless you came through the same birth canal that i ventured through, I AIN'T YOUR SISTA!!!!! i hate that convenient sense of community...good luck with that raggedy corolla, though.

Sincerely,
YOUR SISTA

I'm The Queen Bun, hon!!!

2006-02-06T11:01:00.000-05:00

i knew that freaky looking "Burger King" was capable of participating in a commercial that didn't give me the creeps.

now while football isn't my thing, i did manage to observe my new favorite commercial during the super bowl.

i'm the queen bun!!!! all the other foodies, get beneath my bun skirt and lay down, beyatches!!!!

click HERE to build your own whopper with the Whopperettes!!!

Nosy Old Coots and Road Rage Don't Mix

2006-02-02T14:11:00.000-05:00

so, not too long ago i'm totally minding my OWN business driving along and i decided to take a swig of my drink to moisten the pipes (so i could get my mariah on without straining so hard). i'm sipping and driving, driving and sipping and i notice out of my top notch peripheral side view that i'm being stared at. so i look over and it's someone's old grandmother with her (itty bitty) *ss crouched behind her monstrous wheel.

thoughts that enter my mind:
1. why is this hiefer looking at me instead of the road cuz her enormous car might require a little more tending to than lil' ol' me
2. what is she so intrigued by?
3. why is she staring so long?
4. how much longer will she stare?
5. is she still staring?......damn!...yes, WTF!!

so i take another swig of my drink and look at her again and her eyes widen and her mouth forms that "O" shape liked she's surprised and i give her the WTF look along with a sassy shoulder shrug. this wrinkled hag shakes what used to be her finger at me and gestures as if she's drinking and shakes the x-finger again. then it dawns on me-nosy rosy thinks i am drinking alcohol. chill out hunchback-it's just a stewart's cream soda
i mean, i guess it could be interpreted as a beer to a half-blind miniature old coot across a lane of traffic, but i think she should have had her glaucoma-filled peepers focused elsewhere.........and with the mood i'm in, granny's can catch it too

WATCH THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!

@$!#%@^%$!$@$

2006-02-02T11:31:00.000-05:00

WORD OF THE DAY:: *ss-hole (n)-someone who really, really sucks. maybe because they cheat, lie, steal, kill, smell bad or something like that. a scumbag, a low-life, a piece of crap.

i awoke this morning feeling kind of pleasant. the dew was fresh. the birds chirped. starr jonez (my cat) was sound asleep. the faintest slice of sunlight peeked through my curtains as i headed to the shower. the ivory soap was new, the water was hot and my neck didn't ache. i got ready and packed starr up for her weekend at granny's and as we headed out of the driveway admiring the paint job done yesterday, !$^%!#@%$@! - DID MY EYES DECEIVE ME!?!?! did i witness a crime dealt against me, the queen mother of all things sweet and just!??!! i dost say-YES!!!!!!!

my *ss-hole neighbors were stealing cable from me!!!! UGH! BARF! CURSES! RATS!!!! i do not handle being wronged well at all. but especially since i reeeeeeeeeeally don't like these people anyways-for they lack any couth, class, or simple home-trainin'. they are loud, trashy, loud, weird, loud, bums and really loud!!!! my eyes boiled, my heart stood still, my stomach churned, and my car went into park-so as to inspect the wires they had attached and scaled up the side into their window. all instincts said cut the wire, just cut the wire!!! then i switched from wanting to do that to wanting to do THIS!

then as starr meowwed me back into reality, i got back into my car and decided to call the cable company. but i'll be damned if that's the extent of my wrath---CURSE THEE YOU WRETCHED THEFTS OF CABLE - THY HAST WAGEST WAR AGAINST ME AND YOU SHANT ESCAPETH PUNISHMENT...NAY I SAY-NAY I SAY!!

i need an excedrin

Are u a Minion!??! I Think I Want One...(i wonder if there will be a sale)

2006-02-02T10:58:00.000-05:00

ok, so i decided that i want a minion. i think it would be sooooooo cute to have one to follow me everywhere i go, even if i'm with my man, dress it how i want, and just boss it all around. it would serve as entertainment and i could release some of my stress by screaming at it...perhaps mine will have to be proficient in cooking and car-washing, laundry, photographing me at random moments, singing on demand, modeling my prospective outfits for the day, driving, licking my boots, mopping, building things out of oak, being my footstool when my legs are sore and i need to keep them elevated, picking fresh flowers, dancing jigs, ironing $1 bills, carrying my coattails, reenacting scenes from ROOTS and playing the french horn. then i would upgrade to having 2 of them and when i went out with my man....we'd look kinda like this -

"LOOK TO THE RIGHT, BEYATCHES AND

YOUR LEGS BETTER BE LEFT OVER RIGHT.

CLASP THOSE HANDS!!

DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE !!

MINION #1, HELP MINION #2-YOU KNOW SHE GETS EASILY CONFUSED!!!!""" (thinking: DAYUM!!! i wish i had got them on sale...i'll have to trade them in soon, or maybe just dump them altogether....but not before i drag them all over the place like vacation with my man, dinner with my man, and more games with my man. hmmmm...man, men, men minions-damn i'm the shizz!)

The Way They Were..........

2006-02-01T15:57:00.000-05:00

remember these guys!?!?! if you recognize them, you will win their popular cd released in 1992. (see the end to find out who they are)

and while we're on the subject (well, kinda), i am now borderline obsessed with my new love. meet gold-esha.....the newest object of my affection. for 2 G's, this solid gold wonder can take you to new heights in cellular fashion. with dolce & gabbana stamping it, it will surely be the envy of all the other phones.

(that group is SHAI, and if i ev-ever fall in love agaaaaaaaaaiiinnnnnnnn....oh yeah, and you don't really win anything if u guessed correctly, but i doubt u did :-P)

dang, remember when that guy group was the shizz and when cell phones used to just be a way to keep in touch?

i don't, i was just asking.

WIGS, WEAVES AND GLITTER GOWNS...can i have some extra bbq sauce while you're at it??

2006-02-01T13:08:00.000-05:00

ok, so does anyone else, besides me remember that episode of 'a different world' when ron let kim sing with his band x-pression. then she got all crazy thinking she was a diva!?!?!?! i love when the band left her hanging on the stage without her wig and ron tries to bring her down a notch by cracking, "Lady, I don't eat pork and I don't play with it either." If Ron doesn't eat pork, then what are all those ribs he eats at Ray Nay's made of? beef? perhaps, mutten...or maybe even buffalo. y am i even thinking about that?

i think i want a dress like the one she was wearing. and some ray-nay's .

BLOGGITY-BLOG-BLURP!!!!!!

2006-01-31T13:36:00.000-05:00

for real, kids with blogs are the worst!!!!!!!! if i see another tryin-to-be-sexy-but-lookin-a-damn-fool kid on the net, may the internet gods turn my eyeballs into hot arabian sand & scorpions and my body be coverted into a piece of road kill for the vultures to dissect........

ASNINIANS UNITE!!!!!!

2006-01-30T12:37:00.000-05:00

ARE WE ALL JUST SOME ASININE ASSES!?!?

ok, so i'm late and i haven't been on here in ages, but MERRY NEW YEAR from Miss A!!!! i figured i'd share a toot-toot with all from my new year's horn thingy. hope everyone rung it in with a BANG like me and my girls. i've missed running my mouth and sharing my opinion with the blog-o-sphere, so i must start somewhere......

WORD OF THE DAY:: as·i·nine (s-nn)adj.
Utterly stupid or silly: asinine behavior.

today is a blah-bleh type of day, raining and cold which brings me to my current post. what the hell do some folks think about sometimes? i wish i could be a fly on the wall of some people's brains because i cannot (for the life of me) relinquish the feeling that i am the only halfway sane person walking around sometimes. for instance, the other day, i'm at home chillin, watching flavor of love and an associate of mine arrived to deliver a package i was expecting. after i received my package, i was asked if i were hungry, in which i replied, "actually, i am-and i could go for some jamaican food." after the associate volunteered to go get it, i described to a tee where the restaurant was (approx. 1 minute from me), the name of it, what's around it, what i specifically wanted to eat (curry chicken, cabbage and plaintains-NO rice and beans). as i continued watching tv, my mouth began to water just thinking about the food that was on its way back to me. once the bag of food was handed to me, i felt weird because it was extremely heavy. i opened the bag to find this... . now, even as my eyes witnessed 5 chinese food cartons, i said to myself, hmmmm, this can't be chinese food, maybe the jamaicans have gotten new take-out containers. but as i rattled the possibilty around my head for a few seconds more, the pungent chinese odor wafted me across the face and the tell-tale sign was the SOY SAUCE at the bottom of the bag, along with a small container of white rice. i was LIVID!!!! what kind of asinine buffoonery was this!?!?!?! i did everything except drive to the store myself. i gave landmarks, perfect directions, oodles of details and you bring me CHINESE FOOD!?!?!?! what in green hell was this? my mouth was all too ready to taste the jamaican goodness made by golden krust eatery and i've got chop suey and raw cabbage looking up at me. i went off like "ok, so i can understand walking into the wrong joint, but the giveaway should have been kim lee behind the register!!!! was this a joke!?!?! was i going crazy!?!? was my hunger turning me into a raging lunatic!?!?!?!

i digress-for i am not looney, but perhaps a little too sane. all common sense provided about 4 different ways to have gotten this right, but alas, when you want some light on rainy days, be your own sunshine...and when you want something done right, do it ya damn self!